What to do?!

[AlliMomma]

So we've been away since the end of term, and you may or may not know, I have 3 daughters who are identical triplets. All got into a selective girls grammar school and all, so I thought, were very happy about it. On the plane, my DD1 sprung it onto me that she didn't want to go and she's been too worried to tell us (My DH is very strong on education) and she wanted to try for a place at Sylvia Young (The drama school for children in London) She out of all 3 of them is the one that has stuck with the dance/acting/singing classes. I am a typical doting mum and think she's wonderful but I had no idea. She has been sneaking onto Daddy's laptop to look at the school, and lo and behold out of her rucksack came an application form.
We are in Cheshire for a start, and 11 seems a very young age to move. I know children board all the time but I never thought one of mine would ever want too! (Am I that bad a mummy?!) The other two are blissfully unaware as is my DH (Uh Oh) so I feel caught in that way. I want to give my daughters the best possible chances in life but I am stumped.
I have explained she would have to do a year at the new school (I am not thinking of the cost of the uniform I've just paid for) but she said she would if she could get to go.
What to do my friends?

I think that you have to match the school to the child, not the child to the school. As you have triplets then the uniform won't be wasted. If she has talent then it will be a shame to waste it. I'd let her try and keep the place as back up.

Let her try for the drama school - if it's what she wants and she has the talent, then it would be a shame to stop her from going for it. She'll still get an all-round education as well, these schools don't neglect that side of things, they are not daft and know most of the children will also need to get other jobs before/between acting work.

There used to be a TV programme about the sylvia young school, iTV if I remember correctly. They are highly academic aswell.

I wish her all the luck in the world.

Well, all three girls aren't going to be together forever. If this is what she really wants and she can have it, then why not?

If you don't let her follow her dream she will never forgive you. If she doesn't want to be in the school you have chosen she won't be happy and won't succeed.

Let her go.

Has she researched schools other than Sylvia Young? I presume that this is all too much short notice and that she will have to go to the selective this September, so you can spend the next year properly considering the drama school option.
Let her apply: it is by no means certain that she will get in (anybody got any idea on applications-to-offers ratio?). It is better if the refusal comes from the schools, not you.

Do investigate other drama schools, and preferably those closer to you. Do also get her to think clearly about how hard it is, and that she needs a back up career too.

I agree that you have to match the school to the child.

Maybe if they weren't triplets, you would find it easier, as they wouldn't all be moving up at the same time, so it would feel more natural to investigate the right school as each one moved on? Whereas having 3 together, you've just naturally assumed that they'll all go to the same place?

Another thought - being one of 3 identical triplets must make it hard sometimes for each one to assert their own individuality, so perhaps it's even more important for her to break away and do something that belongs to her?

I think she will resent it a lot if she doesn't get the opportunity. It may not come to anything, but at least if she's had a fair chance at it, she can't hold it against you.

Thanks for all your advice. I spoke to her again yesterday and asked her to tell me exactly what she wants. She said that she does enjoy school a lot and the reason she chose Sylvia Young was because she knew there was a pretty even split.

I spoke to my DH this morning and explained the situation. He too was shocked and we called her in to talk it through. DH said that he was willing to fund it on the conditions that she kept up her academic work but mainly that she was totally sure she wanted to go. She seemed totally sold. We also explained to her that there is very very stiff competition, and she should be positive but try not to throw her heart totally into it.

I want them to grow individually, and you're all right when you say she will resent me if I don't let her try her strength. We've left it up to her to tell her sisters about her plans. I'm now torn between her wanting to get in for her confidence and for her to train in what she wants to do in her life and wanting her not to get in because I can't have one of my babies so far away! But I won't be selfish!