moving from small independent to good local comp?

[iwastooearlytobeayummymummy]

Any experiences of moving from independent to state, in year 8
My DS has just finished yr 7 in a small independent boy's school but says he wants to change school and go to our local comp,(excellent ofsted and very good results) where most of his junior school contemporaries went.

He says hasn't made any real friends,and certainly he hasn't been in touch with anyone since they broke up.
His report was OK with a 'could do much better' and 'bright boy but lazy' undercurrent.

My gut feeling is that if he changes school he will not pushed in the same way,and that he's too young to understand the implcations of moving.
BTW he hasn't kept up with his old friends either, with the exception of one long established family friend (my god-daughter)

Any views gratefully accepted!

No experience, but I just wondered if you would be able to get him into the local school in Y8.

If it's well regarded, it could be full, in which case the problem is fairly academic.

Sorry, does that help at all

thanks JGB

I checked today and because of our postcode he would be top of the waiting list, assuming no 'looked after' or special ed requirement children need it more.

I am very ambivelant about private v. state as have used state until senior school, for all 4 DC and then state (grammar) for DD2 and private for DD1 and DD3.

both Dh and are state through and through, but long in the tooth now!

Not having to find fees would be a blessing but we are committed to the pain if necessary, especially as planning on state for 6th form college, for dd3 and ds.

Is it purely the friendship issue that's driving your DS here?

If so, can you help him to arrange to meet up with friends over the holidays (from whichever school)?

We found DS2 was really poor at making arrangements until I offered to let him invite several friends over for an afternoon on the PS3/Xbox, and free pizzas and coke thrown in.

He still needed to be "helped" to make the arrangements, but once he had done this once, he then seemed to find it easier to go on and make further arrangements to meet up with friends independently.

I've offered to do this but he absolutely refuses on the basis that it would be too embarrasing and 'wierd'

I've also suggested a arranging a group meet up somewhere, eg bowling, laser quest but he refuses.

It's even his birthday soon so a perfectly good reason to do something fun, but again he will not let me.

grrr adolescents!

btw i can say with absolute certainty that he is not being bullied, (or bullying) as he quite clear about this.

What were your reasons for sending him to this school in the first place - and did he want to go?

If your only concern is that your son might not achieve so well academically, then I think you should visit the local school and they will hopefully reassure you.

A larger school will give him more opportunity to make friends, and if he is settled, then his work will probably improve anyway.

My son moved from small indie to excellent but large comp. It was a bit difficult socially at first as he was the ONLY child who didn't have friends from primary school in his Year Group. He now loves it and it has been a success socially and academically despite him struggling academically when he was younger. On the negative side - Some parents miss socialising and watching their children on the sports field, and being able to constantly pop in to talk things over with teachers.

thanks

JGB he didn't get in last year as over subscribed, and so did late entry for his current school,(only one with space available as expanding it's intake)
By the time he got to the top of the list we had already committed to the indie school, and as 2 of our other children have been indpendent we reckoned it was more equitable iyswim in that what we did for one we should do for the others.

celiam
Certainly wouldn't miss the socialising ! but am aware that there would be less access and probably less feedback from staff.
He would have a ready made cohort of old junior school mates there, so that should be OK, but i keep reminding him that they will have rearrnged friendships over the past year too.

I've asked him to draw up a pros and cons list for both schools, and then we'll discuss it further.

The thing is at the end of term he was extolling his new school's virtues and all the great things he has been able to do.

Hi, no experience of making this change for my DCs who both went to excellent local comp. There are really lots of opportunities there too in terms of extra-curricular stuff so I suggest you and DS check out what is available at your comp in case he thinks not much is available when actually it might be.

Re the pushing issue - does he need to be pushed? not everyone does of course. If he's happier he might be more motivated to work without the push IYSWIM.

iwastooearly, I sense a good deal of ambivalence towards the school from you as well as your son. It seems you ended up with this one and didn't actively choose it - never a good way to enter any new situation.

Either way, to continually access life is a good thing.

So why not sit and make a list as you suggest. Make it an honest one, including your own feelings of fairness etc.
Then make an active and reasoned decision.

Thanks Lit

spot on!

But after discussion tonight with elder sibs DS said he will wait until he's back in September and then we'll review the situation.

Part of the problem is that he has never, ever really liked school, whether playschool, infants or juniors, despite the fact we had been blessed with good , who really 'got him' teachers and a nice crowd of children.

He does tend to give up if things are getting tough,so maybe this is just another phase?