Should we leave Edinburgh?

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Hoping someone can give me some advice as I've seen a few similar threads recently.

DH and I have lived in Edinburgh for around 9 years now and have a 2.5 year old DS. We never planned to stay here long-term but we've not moved yet. I'm constantly grappling with the decision of whether to stay in Edinburgh or move back south closer to friends and family.

We love Edinburgh. DH grew up near here and it is good for access to his family (now 1 hour outside of the city), although we don't really see them that much (they are lovely but very very busy). We like the city, the hills and the coast. We love the fringe. We live in a nice area with lovely neighbours, lots to do and easy access to the city centre (but we won't be able to stay here long term as the catchment secondary is not great). We used to have quite a good friend group (DH's school friends) but as we've passed 30 they've all become much less available or started moving away.

My main reason for wanting to move back south is, embarrassingly, I just don't have many friends here. I've put myself out there but I've found that people have either lived here forever and don't want / need new friends, or that they are only here temporarily (either they move back abroad or they move out to the suburbs - I don't drive and visiting is hard!). I've also found our many enthusiastic southern visitors have dwindled over the years as they've started their own families. We ourselves find it much harder and more expensive to get back down south now. We'd need to move area if we were staying here (schools and space) and I'm worried that we wouldn't fit at all into our preferred areas (Stockbridge or Morningside).

Sadly, the reality is that nowhere we are looking at moving to down south is anywhere near as nice as Edinburgh. Friends and family are spread out too so we'd still have to make new friends but maybe it would be easier? and it would be lovely being closer to everyone and not having to put so much effort into seeing people. Or maybe I'm focusing on the wrong thing and friends will become a smaller part of my life as my child ages? (To add, being close to my ageing parents would be brilliant but they do make a lot of effort to visit us here so that is not a top consideration currently...)

We have moved from commuter belt SE to Stockbridge. Didn't feel like we fitted in SE but find the area much friendlier. We're much older, empty nesters. Horses for courses :)

Don’t leave Edinburgh if you love it. Just think about what you can do to make it work. I moved here 3 years ago and made lots of friends through Bumble BFF and meet ups (eg local Facebook groups - see Edinburgh Ladies). Plus through your DC going to school, you’ll have a whole social group around that.

I left Edinburgh in 2010 after living there for years, and regret it still. It's an absolutely beautiful city, and (based on my frequent visits still) is holding up much much better to the general downward UK trend.

I though when I clicked on the thread you might be complaining about the obvious downsides (i.e. it's packed with tourists / festival goers) - but if it's just a question of finding a better friend group then solve for that, don't leave one of the best cities in the UK!

I’m also in Edinburgh. I went to school here but moved down South when I was 27 and apart from six years when I came back and then went down south again, I’ve lived in the South until 7 years ago. I thought it would be great to be ‘home’ . I immediately struggled with the cold. No summer to speak of and strong winds. It makes me miserable. I tracked down some old school friends but when we met up I just didn’t connect with them anymore . Another friend of long standing I feel I have outgrown. I have two adult children down south and miss them so much. I’m planning to go back down South, but housing is much more expensive in the area we had in mind. Suddenly, I have met two lovely friends in Edinburgh after years of not meeting anyone.

I do think Edinburgh is inherently an unfriendly place . It’s always been like that. I would move out to E Lothian or Fife. People are a lot friendlier and more open. I hate the traffic, the stress and the tourists here. Most of all I hate the weather. However the grass elsewhere isn’t always greener.

I do think though that the pull towards family is very powerful. If you miss them, I would move back.

I can totally relate to this post. Just change Edinburgh to Glasgow/West Coast.

I've found lots of nice people but on the whole people were already very embedded with friendships (loads from school days) and had social life revolving around those old friends and family. I have lovely colleagues as well but not people I would see in my spare time. DP is very charming but chooses not to socialise very much and his family are very insular. They don't even talk to each other (except DP).

15 years in and my only really close friends are one friend from DC2's nursery who isn't Scottish and another English friend I had already who I met years ago and moved up.

We are finally getting married and about 90% of the guest list will be my friends and family from down south!

There are lots of things I love about Scotland but I totally get your dilemma. But what I would say is that your DC starting school will really widen your contacts and you may well find a person or two who are really on the same wavelength.

I hope the posters on this thread who live in Edinburgh and who are finding it difficult to connect with new people for whatever reason are pm-ing each other and meeting up?

Newington South/side is absolutely fantastic for top schools and playgroups. It is also extremely diverse which is hard to find in the other well to do areas, more handier than Morningside and cheaper and friendlier too.

We moved from Edinburgh to the Highlands. I spent many happy years in Edinburgh, knew everyone on our stair, had a lot of friends and met my husband in the city. However, the pandemic has definitely impacted people's feelings about socialising and many folk haven't really come back from that. Perhaps the easy get togethers of pre Covid times are a thing of the past - and the rising cost of living has changed the way we generally relate to each other.
We live in a friendly community in the Highlands too and have a great wee neighbourhood. However, I do miss Edinburgh at times, the fact everything is on your doorstep - city, sea, Holyrood Park, cinema, theatre etc. Yet here we have amazing scenery, hiking, fresh air, wildlife - and lovely people too.
It's hard making these kind of decisions because you are moving from what you know into the relative unknown - comparing something real with what is yet to happen. You could stay where you are and everything might change around you, or move and regret it, or equally love it. If you stay I would try and think about spaces where you and your child would be welcome. The Drill Hall cafe, for example, is very child friendly and is in an exhibition and venue space too. Toppings bookshop is open in the evenings for all age groups and has tea, book groups, talks etc - so there are places to relax and informally chat with others that don't feel too artificial.
However, I think if you feel it is time to make a change then what might that look like? Would you be happier somewhere like Gullane or North Berwick - close enough to the city but with more of a village feel? If you decide to move down south, maybe rent for a few months so you can get a feel for things again. That might help you decide whether it really is the right decision and gives you the option of coming back.
I probably haven't been very helpful at all - but do wish the best of luck with your decision making :-)

What did you decide to do OP?

This is what I found after moving to back to Scotland after 17 years in the West Country. My lifelong friends are still around my home town however I hardly see them as their lives have moved on with family responsibilities and new friends made through their children. I see a little more of my family than when I was down south however they are busy too and live a bit if a distance away so perhaps things would be different if they were down the road however I am not so sure. It took me 2 years to feel settled and I have made 1 friend so it has not been easy. Would seriously consider whether moving back home would mean picking up where you left of with your friends. I would say it is easier relocating when the children are young as they adapt easier than older kids.

Funny to see this thread resurrected! We stayed. We made the move to a new area with better schools and found a lot more local families who have become good friends. I still miss my family and old friends a lot and have accepted those feelings aren’t going anywhere. As DS gets older though it does become much easier to make the trip down, so that’s good .

Apologies - did not notice the date of the thread 🤪. Sounds like you made the right decision. Really pleased for you x

Stockbridge or Morningside? Talk about limiting yourself. The average age in these areas is very high. There are plenty of other nice areas of Edinburgh with a much younger and sociable vibe. No wonder you are struggling. It makes me wonder if you really know Edinburgh atoll with such a narrow minded view.

Edinburgh atoll

More commonly known as Crammond Island

Hello, I can relate. We moved to the suburbs and I haven't met many people I really connect with here. Also have pre school age child. I feel anonymous too. We were down south for a while and then by the time we moved back, our friends had scattered. I think it's so hard to decide where you want to be, possibly because when you have a baby you lose a bit of your sense of identity maybe? Then it starts to come back and you're thinking about what you really want, and where you want to be. That uncertainty makes you feel unsettled (I'm feeling it at the moment as we are considering leaving this area so I've almost detached from making an effort with fellow nursery parents etc).
Only you can know where is right for you & your family, but you sound so positive about edinburgh. Could you research other nearby areas that are family friendly and likely to feel more like you? A big part of feeling grounded in a place is being connected to others even through loose ties like having a shared hobby, so maybe try asking around about certain areas to see if you can find out what activities are on locally etc.

I moved to Edinburgh with preschool dc. The friendships came with primary school. Don’t put too much thought into high schools either. There aren’t any truly awful ones in Edinburgh where bright dc with engaged parents won’t do well if motivated and with dwindling birth rates, chances of getting in to non catchment schools is a possibility