Help with SEN child

[Schoolrefused]

I have an autistic child, 12, who is no longer coping with mainstream schooling. They are in a state secondary, are very high achieving, but are frequently overwhelmed by the large classes, lairy in-your-face other kids and they come home crying every night. They also get very badly bullied - verbally and physically - and I’m coming to the conclusion that they just cannot cope anymore.

Options are:

home schooling - only possible in the very short term

Getting a placement in a SEN school which you have to apply for from the education department for them to fund. The downside to this is it’s just not an academic school at all, and my child thrives on knowledge and being academically challenged which this school would not Provide them with.

applying for a mainstream private school which is renowned for their caring and yet academic setting and the tiny class sizes.

the current school pretty much admit that they cannot safeguard my child adequately (said it verbally, not in writing) and that my child finds the school overwhelming. Private mainstream would be the best option, but we’d have to downsize to a much smaller house to afford it and I sort of think that the state has a responsibility to provide my child with an education.

Has anyone ever had the state provide any money towards private education where the state school admit that it would be the most appropriate setting for a child? Does this happen?

Any views appreciated.

Very tough - there are a number of online schools too, some do them have meet ups, but the fees are not cheap there either.

Have you joined your local groups for autism and asked this question re fees reimbursement/what council could do?

Not aware of anyone getting help with school fees personally, we went for moving to a private setting that sounds like your option, and it has been hugely helpful.

It’s not perfect, I suspect teachers still roll their eyes when I email or call, but things get resolved, and my dc copes better as their overall level of day to day sensory and social stress is lower.

good luck - it is horrendous trying to fathom what to do. We did take one dc out for a short period to reset, that helped, but we didn’t return to them to the same setting.

So sorry to hear your child is going through this. Very similar to our experience. I'm afraid I can't help you with information about state help with fees, I think it very unlikely. However, I can tell you that removing our deeply unhappy ASD child to a private school was the best thing we could have done for them. More structure, less tolerance of poor behaviour, more academic. They are now thriving and go to school with a smile on their face, and return with a smile on their face. I know obviously this isn't always the case, and that we were very privileged to be able to do this. But it was the best thing we have ever done.

Thanks for both of your experiences. It gives me a bit more confidence that trying to stretch to the fees might be worthwhile.

I'm not currently living in Scotland, but am Scottish. I know that there are a few secondary autism provisions in Scottish secondary schools. There is one eg in Alva academy. I'm not sure exactly how it works, but I work in mainstream primary in England supporting autistic children, and many of them go on to a provision in secondary that is based within a mainstream school. So, eg they attend most lessons in the mainstream, but return to the provision for 1:1, quiet breaks and lunches and some lessons. I imagine the Alva one eg works like that, and that if there is one in teeny Clackmannan, there must be some in the cities too.

It might be worth exploring before selling up!

Hi, like the PPs I have no idea about the LA paying for fees but I removed my autistic daughter from a big mainstream state school in S4 to a small private school. I don't think she will ever love school but she is S6 now and getting uni offers. I don't think we would have been in this position if we hadn't moved her. I think she would have left school without qualifications. The smaller school, the fact that the teachers know who I'm talking about when I call, the fact that they look out for her (S4 when she moved was still very rough) all made the difference. We shouldn't have to pay for all of this but it's the reality I'm afraid. Check if you are eligible for a bursary. Good luck!

@Schoolrefused have you called the council to discuss what your options are for better support in this school or another one?

I agree on theory you ought to be able
to get better support in the current school but it’s clear from the op that this is not likely to happen with you simply interacting with the school itself.