Is there anything I should know about Scottish funerals?

[BlowDryRat]

I'm going to Glasgow tomorrow for a funeral. The burial is in the morning and family only but I'll be at the church service in the afternoon. I'm not Scottish and haven't been to a Scottish funeral before. Are there any specific matters of etiquette I should be aware of?

At a Catholic West Lothian funeral you'll get a steak pie no matter what time it is. Sitting down to steak pie and vodka (with bottles of ginger on the table, we're not alkies) at 11am is quite an experience if you're not expecting it.

Also, women have their own name on the gravestone, not their DHs. So e.g. my parent's grave says 'Peter Duszejko, dates, husband of Mary Smith, also buried here, dates'.

You don’t have that thing with the hearse outside and the funeral directors in their outfits etc.
That's news to me, every funeral I've been to has had the hearse leave from the family home with the funeral director walking the hearse out of the street.
Let's not have sweeping statements based solely on one persons experience.

@HerMammy Absolutely agree. I’ve always seen this. As you’ve said, usually leaving the family home. Or in some cases, leaving the church to go to the burial/cremation.

I've never been to a funeral outside of Scotland, so it's difficult to know what you are used to, but the receiving line is normal and expected. I'm on the west coast, so probably not that different to Glasgow (a lot of people from here move to Glasgow and it's been that way for many decades).

If you aren't prepared for a fair amount of drinking, be aware that this is a possibility (unless its a Free Church etc funeral, then you'll get nothing stronger than tea). Hebridean funerals can get quite rowdy.

A piper is quite normal, but sometimes only at the graveyard. (not relevant, but local lore has it that when Compton MacKenzie (author of Whisky Galore) was buried on the Isle of Barra, the piper dropped dead at the graveside).

I'm surprised steak pie is only a west coast thing I've only been to a handful of funerals that didn't serve it! It's common in our town to wait longer for funerals to take place if the hotel with the best steak pie is booked - it's a running joke that you phone them before the undertaker!

I've never had steak pie at a funeral sadly - it's always been afternoon tea style with sandwiches, sausage rolls, some kind of cake and traybakes shortbread etc. but the wakes have been east side not west.

Agree the lineup has been at every funeral and a collection for a charity/hospice very common.

OP, where is the funeral? If the church is Free anything, (Free church, Free Presbyterian, Free church Continuing) a headscarf or hat will be expected. Church of Scotland or Catholic churches won't expect this.

Lots of food and drink is pretty standard! I have never been to the graveside but it is now more common for women to attend (less likely for older women). The receiving line and collection is usual (a tenner would be fine). The coffin is usually carried by men close to the deceased but not immediate family, e.g. family friends, cousins etc. Cords are usually taken at the graveside by those also close (again usually only men).

Wakes can go on into the wee small hours.

Free Church you can get away without a hat. Free Presbyterian definitely needs a hat, and Free Church Continuing would prefer you wore a hat.

Once tried on a hat in a vintage shop and realised it was just like the one my mum has for FP funerals!

My funeral coat has a black lace headscarf (which belonged to my late MIL) in the pocket, just in case.

OP, one thing just occurred to me- from memory(English boarding school), English churches are much more likely to have fancy runners on the pews for a bit of comfort, and whatever those padded kneeler things are called (hassocks, maybe?). I've never come across them in a Scottish church, and any kneeling tends to be done on a wooden rail which runs along the back of the pew in front of you. So if you have a thickish coat to sit on, that might not be a bad thing.

The funeral's over and there wasn't anything unexpected, except it was 2 hours long. Lots of people in attendance, definitely a lot more than the English funerals I've been to recently. No hats but everyone's in black. Buffet in the church hall.

Yeah. I've unfortunately been to a lot of funerals in the past few years and the hearse leaving the house with the undertaker walking in front of it has featured in every one of them.

I think she means you don't have that if the committal is first then the service, which obviously you don't.

Is the receiving line not common outside Scotland?

I love hearing the afterwards referred to as the purvey.

When MIL passed away the one thing we made sure of was there was no receiving line after the service it's so difficult for everyone, the family and the guests, I always dread it.

There is no kneeling in Scottish Presbyterian churches - only in Catholic or Episcopal ones

@helpfulperson the receiving line was not something I had ever seen at an English funeral

Cords are usually taken at the graveside by those also close (again usually only men).
@Sommerled I had no idea so many of these traditions typically only involved men 😳 I didn’t even realise that it ever had been ‘men only’ at the graveside!
I’ve only attended 3 burials (all immediate family) but took a cord at each 🤷🏻‍♀️ I just assumed it was something that the immediate family did!

The one Scottish funeral I've been to was very much the same as the one English funeral I attended.

No family thinking people as they left the service. Family left first and everyone followed where the coffins (Scottish family died in crash) and coffin were put into the back of the hearse.

Coffins present throughout the service.

Funeral staff in formal attire.

Online collection option available. Or donation to suggested charity.

I’ve been to one where the cremation was before the church service. Unusual but must have mattered to the family (and yes, Scotland!)

Church service/crem, then off to wake for a buffet and folk get pished. Smartly dressed. That's it really.

Sandwiches cut into triangles of course. No big ignorant sandwiches 😉

The men only at the cemetery was certainly a thing when I was a child (so 80s/90s). My gran for example didn't go to the burial when my grandad died. Apparently the women were meant to stay home to make the tea and sandwiches. When that gran passed away when I was in my 20s her siblings were horrified that not only did I attend the burial, but took a cord at the graveside. One of them never forgave me and barely spoke to me again, which devastated me as I'd previously been close to them. Not sure what they would have thought when their own granddaughters tools cords at their own funeral some years later!

This was rural north-east Scotland. There are very few from that generation left (all aged 85+ probably) and certainly now even the women of my parents' generation would expect to attend the burial and be involved as appropriate.

Yes, that's always done here.

What is this cord you're all mentioning?