Is there anything I should know about Scottish funerals?

[BlowDryRat]

I'm going to Glasgow tomorrow for a funeral. The burial is in the morning and family only but I'll be at the church service in the afternoon. I'm not Scottish and haven't been to a Scottish funeral before. Are there any specific matters of etiquette I should be aware of?

I can't think of any, but then I've never been to a non Scottish funeral!

Dress code varies from smart to colorful, if in doubt just wear black.

Is there a wake afterward?

They’re the same and as varied as English funerals. Nothing specifically Scottish in terms of traditions, etiquette etc.

They are just as varied as anywhere else.

Depends on what religion it is, or not. Whether your invited back to the reception afterwards, etc.

They are usually better attended , people dress a little more formally. Doesn’t need to be black but should be smart and dark.

Unless the death was very tragic, the service probably won’t be too somber. It’s often more a celebration of the life of the person . It depends on the minister , lots of them are very good at doing funerals

I should have said there’s usually a wake at a hotel near the church. I’ve never been to a Scottish funeral where there wasn’t one.

They must be expecting a good attendance if they are having the commital and the church service in that order.

Not sure if a Scottish funeral is any different from a funeral in other parts of the UK.I've been to a couple of church services recently after the private family funeral / cremation.These were more to celebrate the life of the deceased with the minister and various family members talking about the life of the individual.There were some favourite pieces of music played,poems read and maybe a hymn.At the end of the service as everyone filed out there was a collection box for a chosen charity.

I think the traditional wake is to go back to a local venue (working mans club, bowling club, church hall etc) and get given a nice big plate of soup and some bread I've been to a few funerals like that but also many more which were different.

I've never been to a funeral where the burial is before the service, that's a bit strange.

Unusual order. I did hear of one like this, I think the woman who died was a Jehova's Witness. The couple were aquaintances of my late parents, so I can't check now!

It’s more of a thing now. People do it like that because the graveside is the hardest bit for most of the bereaved. It gets it over with, they they can go home to rest / eat for an hour or so and then go to the church.

Also makes it easier to have family only. And it’s more private, especially of you are expecting a lot of people at the service.

There’s no coffin at the church of course and it’s a slightly lighter atmosphere ( if you can say that about a funeral ). You don’t have that thing with the hearse outside and the funeral directors in their outfits etc. it’s more like a normal church service.

and of course then everyone goes together to the hotel / pub. No waiting around .

Great, thanks all. I have a smart black jumpsuit to wear and will take some cash for the collection. Hopefully no surprise rituals!

It also depends on what religion it is church of scotland funerals services are quite quick whereas a Catholic service can be long as can salvation army services. Catholic services will also have communion so don't get up with everyone for communion if your not a Catholic.
Don't eat before hand if going to the wake you'll get fed well usually steak pie if its an afternoon service.

In lieu of flowers there is often a collection for a named charity. This is normally collected at the end of the service.

I’ve never had steak pie or soup at a wake and I’ve been to several in Scotland. It’s been more buffet style / afternoon tea sort of selection.

You’ll find (especially in Glasgow) the wake could be referred to as a Purvy. You could have anything ranging from buffet right up to steak pie. I’ve been to one funeral where that happened as it had been written in the will they wanted steak pie at their funeral. It is quite popular considering it is obviously a more expensive choice.
I’ve not been to many church services (mainly crematorium ones) but the general consensus is black/smart clothing.

I went to my cousin’s husband’s funeral a few years ago in Scotland and the widow and family stood at the church door to accept condolences as the congregation left, rather like a receiving line at a wedding. I was told that was the custom, but they were quite rural so it might not be the same in a city.

There was a lone piper at the grave side which I found very emotional.

Agreed. Always been afternoon tea style food. Sandwiches, little cakes, maybe some soup.

family stood at the church door to accept condolences as the congregation left, rather like a receiving line at a wedding. I was told that was the custom,

Yeah this is a thing.

I went to my cousin’s husband’s funeral a few years ago in Scotland and the widow and family stood at the church door to accept condolences as the congregation left, rather like a receiving line at a wedding. I was told that was the custom, but they were quite rural so it might not be the same in a city.

Thats traditional for Scottish funerals. Every funeral I’ve been to has had this.

A line up to thank attendees is normal, most funerals I've attended, religious or not, have this after the service. Then we go to the hotel or pub for a couple of hours. It's a nice relaxed way to chat with those who have made time in their lives to say goodbye.

The burial being first may be to accommodate a 'men only at the graveside' policy. I'd never heard of it, but a friend from Argyll said its quite common there. She and her Mum were not permitted to see her Dad being buried, but they could visit later.

Gosh. Steak pie/afternoon tea/a buffet would be a pleasant surprise! I was going to take DD to Nando's but might give that a skip.

It's definitely not a men at the graveside thing. The immediate family is all women.

I recently went to my first scottish funeral. The wake was called a purvey. It was a sit down meal of soup and sandwiches, in hall. We had to leave early but I understand that socialising and drinking went on for some time afterwards.
The english funerals I've been to have had an awkward buffet at the widows home. So it seemed like the Purvey was more of an "event".
That was the only difference.

You don’t have that thing with the hearse outside and the funeral directors in their outfits etc.

I'm from rural Scotland, it's always (male) family and close friends that carry the coffin, it's an honour to be asked to do it. It's interesting about people not wanting a lot of people at the graveyard, I think it's good having everyone there to support the family at that point then you go to the wake and warm up.

Yes to the lineup at the church as well. And although men only is rarer these days there's still rarely small children at rural Presbyterian funerals, but Catholics do have children (having been to both I like that Catholic tradition).

@BlowDryRat I’ve never been to a funeral here where there hasn’t been a decent offering of food put on so I doubt you’ll need your Nando’s 😊 As others have said…sandwiches, cakes & buffet style food all normal. Have seen soup done quite a lot too.

Definitely normal to have the immediate family line up to thank people for attending after the service. And a collection for charity in lieu of flowers is also normal.

Burial before the service could just be logistics. Maybe there is another burial on that day at the cemetery?

Sorry for your loss OP. I hope your loved one gets a good send off 💐

I'd suggest steak pie is very traditional for certain parts of Scotland (West Coast - incl Glasgow) and it has certainly featured at funerals I have attended (and caused a serious family falling-out when steak pie could not be arranged as one funeral fell during the Glasgow Fair). Times (and tastes) may change though - it's very family/tradition/location dependent. I have also been a part of the receiving line at Scottish funerals in stark contrast with English funerals. I would agree with greater formality as a generality in Scotland contrasted with England. But there is a lot that can alter that equation...