Separation & Fathers rights re Teens

[medianewbie]

H left (July 21). We're Separating, & can Divorce in July. He's becoming nasty. We have 2 kids, both very Autistic. One is now 18. One will be 16 in July. He doesn't bother with them much. Can he demand access? Will it be up to them?

18 year old is an adult so can choose themselves. At 16, the court will take their choice into account, if they don’t want contact with their Dad they can’t force it.

If he doesn't bother much, will he go to court for access ?

Yes it will be up to them but if he doesn't bother with them much anyway then he's unlikely to force them to court. It could well be that your 16 year old is 18 by the time it reaches court anyway.

Atm, he sees them at the ex-family home. It's being agreed that kids & I will remain there (kids both disabled, I'm their Carer, I'm also disabled). But he's a mean bugger. I'd like to be able to change the locks after a Divorce so I finally feel safe & peaceful in my own house. Can he then insist on coming in to see them / demand I take them to a midway point (he's never invited them to his since he left, despite it being only 8m away)

I did ask the lawyer but he said: 'just come to an amicable arrangement' (I have a legal aid junior so I'm getting basic advice only). But, he's not 'amicable'at all.

I imagine the decision will be in your children's hands since they're older teenagers. But no, you don't have to let him into your home to see them. You can change the locks.

P.S You can't be "very autistic" they're either autistic or not.

@SeasonsHeatings helpful info thanks. They are (NHS dx) Autistic, Dyspraxic, Dyslexic, Sensory Processing Disorder. One has further dx of Clinical Anxiety plus non epileptic spasm disorder. One has dx of Selective Mutism. Maybe I should say: 'it' affects them very much.

You don't have to explain or justify your choice of language regarding your own children to a stranger being an arse on the internet. It's not a case of autistic or not. You may have worded it clumsily but pp just made their self look ignorant.

If you feel unsafe or threatened change the locks. You can stop him seeing them until he raises a court action but tbh I doubt the court would intervene much considering their ages and ability

I know there's much discussion in the Autistic community about terminology eg 'high functioning' / 'low functioning' & whether that's helpful. I tend to use my Dcs own language to describe themselves, which is: 'I'm very Autistic' (perhaps because teachers etc have assumed they're 'not very Autistic' in the past which has led to unrealistic expectations, masking & burnout.

@clpsmum
THANK YOU for saying that
I do, as a hangover from a difficult childhood & the frankly abusive marriage I'm just emerging from, have a tendency to over explain & justify.
You are correct, I don't need to.
(tho I just did, as I wrote & posted these 2 posts the wrong way round, like a muppet!)

16 year olds in Scotland are treated much more as adults than they are in England and Wales.

A 16 year old can get married in Scotland, without the need for parents' consent and they can vote in Holyrood elections. There's no way the court will be able to force the 15 year old to have contact once they turn 16.