Give them time DEFER campaign

[spidereggs]

Hello

Feeling very confused and looking for guidance.

Scotland has managed to establish a defer to six, like abroad system, starting now.

My options for a very bright four year old, October birthday.

1. Primary school, with only teachers son. But composite classes, so with older friends,
2. Lead the way (here because nobody else seems to be aware, rural Scotland) and defer her, an extra year nursery, I don't send her much anyway, she works with me, outdoors, animals.
3. Flexi school, leaning to this, head supports it. Small school. Friday for example is just a bus trip in, PE, lunch and home, so say maybe three days in, 1.5 home.
4. Homeschool, ruled out.
5. Another rural school, larger p1 entry, no transport, excellent as is first.

She is ready for school, perse.

BUT this new scheme means all working parents in Scotland have 3 years, age 3,4 and 5 funded nursery 30 hours, age 2 as well if benefits. My friends all seem like, get them to school, but the hours are the same, if you use them, which I don't.

Teacher friends say for the next three years they are facing primary one intakes with age 4 to 6.

Would you view this as an opportunity to enjoy them or am I holding her for my own reasons?

Have a 4 year old too and her nursery are recommending all the kids who would be 4 starting school take the opportunity to defer, saying it’s an advantage for any kid to have an extra year of play. I think there will be a mixed take up from eligible families, we’re still on the fence.

I'm confused by this. If your DD will be 11, nearly 12 when starting S1 then wasn't she 4, nearly 5 when starting P1? Which would be the normal age for non-deferred DC to start school?

While for some children deferral is absolutely the right thing to do a lot of people are just doing it now because everyone else is or because they aren’t ready for their child to go to school.

As it happens I know a few people who have regretted deferring for a few reasons but they rarely admit it to other people. One who openly says she regrets it has a daughter who she deferred who was tall anyway and hit puberty young so with being the oldest in the class by quite a bit it really stood out as she was obviously much bigger and physically maturer than the others. She was bullied and has ended up with a lot of body issues.

Others who have deferred August to December birthdays have said it’s a problem with out of school stuff for example all the other boys in the class were born a year later and so they are in different football teams or in brownies when their friends are still in rainbows, can’t go to the 8 -12 swimming session at the pool when all their friends are still going.

One of my friends who was deferred 30 years ago always says he wishes he hadn’t been deferred as he felt so much pressure being the oldest and all his mates would try and get him to buy them booze and there was so much pressure for him to get his driving license so he could drive all his mates about. He also remembers feeling huge compared to some of his classmates in primary school and having to hold himself back in p.e. and when playing as he knew he could hurt them.

I do wish the government would just change the school eligibility dates though and make it simpler for everyone as now there can be huge age ranges within classes and so many parents are agonising over whether to defer or not.

You have been able to defer since about 1980. For August born children it depends on the exact date: they have to be four or five on the school commencement date which can vary between councils.

Remember they can still leave school at 16 so can leave before taking any exams if deferred.

Dd is 19 now and October birthday. I wanted to defer way back then and was sternly encouraged to send her to p1. I even said at the time that she would be fine in primary and if I was ever going to regret it, it would be at secondary age.
I was much younger and trusted the professionals and wish I had stood firmer and deferred. She struggled socially and academically at secondary school she would have been far better in the year below.
I have never know anyone defer and regret it. One friend talking about her ds said at one point he'd have been average in the year above but was bright in the year below.

Mine are mid/late teens now but I deferred them both (both have November birthdays). They'd have thrived if I hadn’t deferred. Well they have thrived at primary school anyway. High school would likely have been a different matter. That extra year of maturity once at secondary really makes a difference.

All their teachers have always said that extra year makes a big difference (in a positive way!).

The only possible negative I found was that my youngest got a bit bored at times at nursery. Though they immediately noticed this and made sure to get him engaged with slightly more advanced play iykwim.

Its been one of my best parenting decisions!

In my authority (and I think all authorities from now on) all children who turned 5 after Christmas could always defer by parental choice (i.e no application form and panel approval) and they were entitled to EY funding until the following year. Deferrals of children turning 5 between the August start date and Christmas were possible with an application, normally supported by the EY setting, going in front of a panel. The additional funding for EY place was not automatic but in reality was rarely refused.

From now on, all parents of children turning 5 between the August start date and end Feb can choose to defer, no questions asked, and get the EY funding.
I think the direction of travel means that, in a few years, the option of starting P1 if your birthday is after Christmas will be removed and maybe after that for the children who are not 5 on the first day of term.
Having worked in schools for many years, there are always one or two children who are "absolutely" ready for P1 and they often are quite capable of the "work" but those children often struggle socially all through Primary and beyond, although this is rarely acknowledged by their parents. So personally I would support the date move to Christmas, not sure about the August date and would like to see a bit of wriggle room for families, I think.
What we in our school observe every year is the pressure families put on each other and this pressure can work both ways. One or two families from a community decide to send their young children to school and then will create an atmosphere where other families will feel their child is somehow behind if they don't follow suit. Or, other years the "in" thing to do will be to defer. I am not sure how you avoid this except to suggest that everyone should make the decision based on their own honest opinion of whether or not their child is ready. Please avoid being influenced by what the rest of your mum group might be doing / thinking / saying.

Deferring my daughter was the best decision I ever madras
She was absolutely ready to go to p1 in some ways but was still emotionally young. Liked a dummy in bed when home occasionally. I was pretty relaxed about all that, they're ready when they are ready.
A year later she was a different girl. So so ready & capable. It's stood her in very good stead.

We have opted to defer which is going to be an adjustment on DS because his whole preschool class is going tonschool. But he is the youngest by 4 months and it shows socially.
Academically he's thriving but I figured he has 10+ years to sit in a classroom! It helps his nursery has a large outdoor focus so he's not going to be bored.

Several friends who are primary school teachers have all said deferral is best for the younger ones so that's what we are doing.

I deferred my feb born dc. He could have started at 4.5 years or 5.5 year’s but I felt he wasn’t emotionally ready and was worried he wouldn’t cope with going to secondary at 11.5 years. He is now in P6 and I can’t imagine him going to secondary this year if I hadn’t deferred him. He will be ready next year though. I spoke to a very experienced nursery teacher who said academically he is ready but emotionally she wasn’t so sure and that in 25 years as an early years school practitioner she had never met a parent who regretted deferring but had met plenty who did regret not deferring. Within weeks of him stating P1 2 of his friends mums both said they really regretted putting there DDs in at 4 as they were not ready and we’re struggling. I felt so sorry for them because one little girl was crying most of the time.

Dc2 is an October birthday and I didn’t defer him. He loves school though I wasn’t that impressed with playbased P1 as it seems regressive compared to what dc1 did in P1. P2 is far more structured and loads of set learning with quite a strict but lovely teacher. He is doing fantastic in school. His nursery workers also felt he was ready to go to school.

I would always defer if in doubt at all about the your child being ready for school. You can tell the youngest kids in the year and normally by P3 the age gap starts to show and many start younger kids (not all) seem to start to struggle. This is because P3 is quite a big step up from P2 and moved largely away from playbased learning.

Op another thing a teacher said to me at the time when we were deciding defer dc1 was that do you want him to just manage in school or thrive as his starting age can make that big a difference. She was right he thrived going older to school.