Would you change schools?

[dancemom]

Dd is in fifth year and developed friendship issues at the end of last year. It really had an effect on her and a knock on effect on her prelims. She was predicted all As in her Highers and only achieved one A, failing one subject all together.

She wants to change schools for 6th year where she wanted to do advanced highers / further highers (although this will now depend on her May exam results of course) and I don't know if this is the right thing or not.

She is lonely in school, walking the streets in her break and lunch to avoid being seen alone. And it's clearly had an effect on her learning. A fresh start might be good for her and I am disappointed in the low effort her current school have put in to resolving her situation as well as gaps in teaching given how bad her whole year group did in the prelims.

However I feel it's the worst time to move, her current teachers have known her since first year, they have said she can still take the subjects she wants to despite her prelim results as they know what she's capable of which a new school may not allow. Plus she may be just as lonely in a new school, it's hard to make friends in sixth year coming in new.

Any thoughts?

My DD switched schools for S5/S6. Worked out well. New school was smaller and the kids were kinder to each other (richer area so less issues from home). She made a good set of friends and was much happier. Teachers not knowing her was the only problem in that it cost her an A in one subject (63% in prelim but they didn't predict A in 2020 when it was school judgement only). She went on to study the subject at uni at a higher level and got 80% in first year.

I would say it is less risky if she gets really good highers in S5. As long as she isn't interested in really competitive courses where references matter. She could ask previous school to do UCAS reference (DD wished she had done this) .

Thanks @SandyIrvine good to get an opinion of someone who has been in this situation

Hadn't considered the UCAS side, that's a good point

Aw that sounds miserable for her @dancemom.
I don't have experience of this but plenty with teenage girls!
In the short term are there any clubs she could go to at lunchtime to give her somewhere to go? Could also be opportunity to make new friends. Even any subject help sessions?
Is she near enough to come home for lunch?

I think it's important at this age to be seen to be taking her opinions seriously. Changing schools for S6 is a tricky time but certainly not unheard of. Some kids can't get subjects they want at current school.

Does she have a school in mind? Might be worth visiting with her to let her see the reality of starting again in an unfamiliar place and see how she feels about it. She may relish a new start or may realise wherever she is she will have to consider how she will make new friends.
Also do consider whether they can accommodate her subject choices if she's applying after everyone else has chosen theirs.

If some kids at her school leave after S5 there may well be some who've stayed on looking for new friends in S6, be worth discussing this with her. You just don't want her to spend all summer dreading next year.

Would she consider going to college next year? Or maybe to the hub to do AH (I think you're in Glasgow? Not quite sure how that hub works)

Sorry don't have any concrete advice but these are just things I would consider with my teenagers.

In the short-term, does her school have a staffed library? That could be a safe space for break/lunch and she could just study or ask the librarian if she could help?

Thanks @patritus

Her current school are still following Covid procedures so the library and all classrooms are closed at break and lunch and they are encouraged outside unless it's raining. There are no lunchtime clubs running and any suggestions I make about new friend groups are met with eye rolling and sighs of I don't understand. Apparently it would be social suicide to just walk up to a group and join them 🤷🏻‍♀️

She does have a school in mind and we have been in contact with them. They haven't finalised subjects and will depend on the uptake if they offer the subjects dd wants to take. Although in her current school the columns clash and she can't take the subjects she wanted to take either. I don't think college is the right option for her yet but the Hub is something she may wish to attend to take the subjects she wants regardless of which school she goes to.

My main worry is if she has disappointing exam results come August then if she is at a new school they may say she can't take the subjects she wants to whereas if she stays at her current school they at least know her potential and may have some leeway with this. However I also see how lonely she is and think maybe a fresh start would be better all round ....

@MrsBrodie unfortunately not, they are all sent outside at break and lunch unless it's pouring in which case they are all to use the assembly hall. Which I'm annoyed about as she wastes 45 minutes waking the streets around school when she could at least be studying or doing homework if nothing else.

I do feel her current school is failing her. I've been in touch with pastoral care several times and most recently her HOY. They say the right things but nothing actually gets followed through or carried out. Her HOY told me he would meet with her the end of last week and it's still not materialised and I really feel they have just forgotten her and overlooked her.

That's such a shame - I really feel for your daughter. I work in a secondary and lunchtime activities have resumed in most schools in my authority. I'm surprised your school is still taking such a blanket approach.

Quite shocking that pupil support/HOY haven't done anything when you've been in touch.

Oh I know, it's a tricky age to give friendship advice to @dancemom
Mine are convinced I was born a middle aged mum and couldn't possibly understand what it's like to be a teenage girl🤷🏼‍♀️

@MrsBrodie I'm really disappointed, her HOY was great on the phone to me, all full of this action plan and this intervention and it seems it was all talk.

@patritus it's so frustrating as I'm sure there are plenty girls who would happily let her join them at lunch or break but I'm foolish for suggesting it as it is just inconceivable apparently 🤦🏻‍♀️

DD1 switched schools in S6 as her school was offering a very limited choice and there some AHs she wanted to do prior to uni.

I was worried about how she would find her way into long established friendship groups as such a late stage. She'd had one BF in and out of school, which also made me concerned about how she would manage without her sidekick.

Best move ever for her , totally prepared her for meeting new friends at uni.

Absolutely different from your poor DD I know.

As to new school not allowing her to sit subjects/levels that she wants then it will depend what she wants to do. For example she's not likely to get into an AH class if she doesn't have a strong Higher pass, the progression in S6 would be a resit.

Probably a good time to contact potential school as course choices are underway and classes can end up full.

Oh your poor daughter. I think I would take her lead in this. The thought of it being like that for the rest of school must be horrible for her. As others have said could you go and see some other schools? Show her that you are taking her request seriously. The thought of being able to escape to a new school in August May make a huge difference to how she is able to focus on her highers now. Such a shame the school library isn’t open at lunch as great time to get extra study in. Wonder if she could get agreement to use a classroom to study in over lunch? Knowing school rules probably not though. Good luck