Education for my son

[NightfeedsandNetflix]

Currently posted to Kinloss after having our Oxford posting cancelled. Have a teen son aged 17 who was all set to start a football academy course in Oxford. This obviously is a no go now.

I'm agonising over how to tell tell him the sad news as he has been so excited to leave Brunei and get on this course.

Also I am unfamiliar with the Scottish education system. He will have completed his IGCSE upon our return to the U.K.

The rest of the family are more then happy with the posting.

If he were to join the air cadets he could go flying at the Moray Flying School 😃

If your husband is forces then you will be able to get him into a boarding school and get almost all the fees paid. Each school has a different military deal. You need to start looking. Both my nephews have boarded through secondary as their dad is in the RAF. Give us an idea about how academic he is and we can suggest schools.

It doesn’t matter whether he has chosen the course or been chosen for the course, the fact is, this is what he wants to do

Right but he is also a 17 year old young man who can legally get married and move out, so if he's so desperate to do the course then he needs to work out how he will fund it?

He's 17? It's not up to his Mum to facilitate his entire life for him. The plans have changed and the family is moving to Scotland - DS needs to either investigate how he can do the same thing here and take advantage of staying at home to do it, or investigate how he can do the course he wanted to do with the disadvantage of moving out.

People here move out at 17, either for work or college or university or parenthood. I don't see how this is any different.

I’d seriously consider selling it to fund your DS being in Oxford.

Selling the family home to fund a 17 year old's nonsense football course that will never lead to anything career-wise because he wants to get a trade or join the army 🤔.

Jesus Christ. 😂 The daily reminder that some Mumsnetters really are living on another planet.

Op you should ask him if he wants to go Disneyland with the change or do you think he'd rather you sell the car to fund that?

@paname

If your husband is forces then you will be able to get him into a boarding school and get almost all the fees paid. Each school has a different military deal. You need to start looking. Both my nephews have boarded through secondary as their dad is in the RAF. Give us an idea about how academic he is and we can suggest schools.

He should get decent grades all A-C, but he has openly said on many a time he hates studying and school. He has only knuckled down this year after constant supervision by Us. When we talk of the future it's literally I want to work, learn a trade, earn money or join the army.

Can I just clarify this is a self elected course. He hasn't been plucked out by football scouts and won some sort of scholarship. It's a sports course, where a chunk of it is playing football. My son simply loves playing sport. Not studying. The qualifications go towards being a coach (something he has no desire to do) and not much else. He says after the course he plans to do an apprenticeship in a trade or join the Army.

This really changes the assumptions that I and many others made about this football course being a lifelong dream and access to his chosen career.
Given what you’ve now clarified I would be thinking about him moving out of school and into the further education college system. There are many options for post 16 education if university is not his aim.

He's 17? It's not up to his Mum to facilitate his entire life for him.

God, that’s cold … Parents aren’t arranging play dates or choosing clothes for someone at 17, but they still entirely influence the shape and possibilities of most teens’ lives. For good or ill.

@innyourhead

I’d seriously consider selling it to fund your DS being in Oxford.

Selling the family home to fund a 17 year old's nonsense football course that will never lead to anything career-wise because he wants to get a trade or join the army 🤔.

Jesus Christ. 😂 The daily reminder that some Mumsnetters really are living on another planet.

Op you should ask him if he wants to go Disneyland with the change or do you think he'd rather you sell the car to fund that?

Oh my days hilarious!! Seriously some people on here are purely to play devils advocate and stir.

Yeah I should sell my body too, to prove how devoted I am to my kids ...... hmmm post partum mum pics should earn me a £10

I would check out igcse entry req for moray and Inverness colleges and download the prospectuses and tell him about the move and opportunities at those colleges to go straight to a vocational course he may actually use.

If he's doing the football course because he likes playing football, rather than for the qualification, then this isn't the end of the world. There's plenty of football (junior and League) being played in Moray (and surrounding districts) so he can find a club to play with at whatever level he's at.

Also, given his age, he has options. He can join a school in S5 or s6 to do highers. I'd recommend this over college as it'll help him build a social life and peer group faster - there are a lot of older returners at uhi so it might not give him the social scene.

And if he's just mad on sports, he can look into shinty but until they get the Strathspey club structure kicked off he'd be traveling to Inverness.

The qualifications go towards being a coach (something he has no desire to do) and not much else. He says after the course he plans to do an apprenticeship in a trade or join the Army.
This is a key comment for me. You made it sound like it's the course of his dreams and the rest of his life is hanging on it, whereas in reality it sounds like he hates studying, has found an opportunity to spend most of the next 2 years playing football until such time as he can get a job doing something he really wants to do!
I would look into the Scottish modern apprenticeship scheme, I'm not sure if he'll need to do Highers for a year but clicking on a couple they're only asking for Nat 5's so his GSCEs should be more than sufficient. www.apprenticeships.scot/

If he wants to earn money rather than school then as I said upthread let him start an apprenticeship. He is 17. He has no reason to be in education if he doesn't want to be there and has no plans for university.
Although as I said before if the football course counts as 'full time education' you would be entitled to child benefit (well depending on your husband's military wage) so that would give you/him £85 a month. But from what you are saying it sounds like the football course isn't really a proper qualification (ie it's not a btec or similar). Do you have to pay for it? Because for under 19s full time education is free in the UK if it's an official course - ie A-level, Scottish Highers, Btec or equivalent.
If you have to pay for this course it sounds a bit iffy.

@TottersBlankly it's not cold, it's reality for most working class families.

You stay at home and work part time to cover your digs while you start work / college / uni etc or you move out and fund yourself through a mix of work / loans / grants etc.

My family certainly advised me on what they thought best, but I wasn't "funded" by them after the benefits stopped. In fact I had a wee job at 14 to take the pressure off them.

This idea that parents need to sell their homes or pay 100% of accommodation in a different country so a teenager can have a bit of fun (because that sounds like what this course is) really isn't realistic.

If my DD came to me and said she desperately wanted to be a doctor but couldn't, I'd help her to investigate how she could between staying with me and working or getting loans etc. I'd do what I could but I can't magic money out of thin air and I certainly wouldn't be selling my house.

If she expected me to sell my house so she could spend a year learning how to paint nails before getting an apprenticeship as a decorator she'd be laughed out of the room.

I just can't get over the sell the house comment either - seriously what planet are people on!

I would however consider him living in it if their is a suitable course for him nearby if he is determined that he doesn't want to do a final year at school.

The Highlands must have lots of opportunities for lots of outdoor sports, kayaking, climbing, surf, ski if we get snow, if he is thinking that is an option. As well as football, and shinty which moved to a summer season to avoid competiting with football and lots of other sports and activities.

Maybe sell it to him that way if he's attracted to the army.

There are vocational sports courses at Inverness college. The outdoor route looks good if he wants to go into the forces. Why not contact them and find out?
Also is there a way of connecting with other families who are there? See if you can find a teen of the same age, find out what they do?

Even if you were still moving to Oxford instead of Scotland I find it odd he wanted to do this football course instead of going straight into an apprenticeship. Does he not realise you can start apprenticeships at 16 and thought he had to find a 'filler' to keep him occupied until 18.
Find the boy an apprenticeship if that's the route he is interested in.

These football academies are popping up all over the place. They offer qualifications (usually BTEC or equivalent) alongside some sports modules. They appeal to the teen boys because it sounds good (the implication that they are good at football, potentially going on to be professional), but in reality they're a cash cow for the person/business that set them up, and produce mediocre results (and no professional footballers).

Focus on what is available in your new area OP.

@CorrBlimeyGG

These football academies are popping up all over the place. They offer qualifications (usually BTEC or equivalent) alongside some sports modules. They appeal to the teen boys because it sounds good (the implication that they are good at football, potentially going on to be professional), but in reality they're a cash cow for the person/business that set them up, and produce mediocre results (and no professional footballers).

Focus on what is available in your new area OP.

Exactly the course just doesn't sound like it has great prospects never mind, selling the family house to facilitate it!

I definitely think it's concentrate on whats available in the area or at least in Scotland.

How old will your DS be when you move? If he'll be 17 then he may want to go into S6 and get some highers. It'd be a good way to meet some young people of his age. If he'll be 18 he'd be older than the other young people in S6 and may prefer to go to college in Elgin.

In August the kids starting S5 will be between 15.5 & 16.5, those in S6 will be 16.5 & 17.5, with February being the cut off point.

But the Higher classes can often be a mix of S5 & S6, the S6 kids either resitting or broadening their options, before leaving school.

There are some very family oriented links golf courses on that coast, which in normal times attract lots of visitors from across the UK and further afield.
If he is sports mad, consider getting him into golf or indeed, greenkeeping. There are good education opportunities - check out BIGGA the education wing for greenkeeping as their are chances to go abroad eventually.. Nairn Dunbar GC has just won Environmental Golf Course of the Year. There is also Nairn GC. Check them out on Facebook etc to see how busy their junior sections are for your other youngsters
OP, There is rural and rural, Inverness has an airport and easyjet routes. With railcard and couchette type seats you can still travel overnight to London. If he can pick up some seasonal summer work he can maybe get driving lessons and a car in the coming year.

I would be encouraging him to stay in education and do football for fun.

His options are
Local Secondary School to do Highers
Private Secondary school - could maybe do A levels
Further Education college - Highers and other qualifications ( HnC etc)
A mix of school and FE college.
An apprenticeship- which most likely will be linked to a college course.
It would be very unusual in Scotland to leave school after 16 (our gsce equivalent) to do a non vocational sports course.

Skills Development Scotland may be able to give advice.
www.skillsdevelopmentscotland.co.uk/coronavirus-covid-19/learners-apprentices-and-young-people/

Also as of last Monday, all children up to 22 year olds are entitled to free bus travel in Scotland. Might be a factor in choices.

Cheers everyone some very useful information. Thank you x

Good luck. I saw the posts on the other thread and thought some were a bit harsh. It is a lovely part of the world and there are some opportunities, especially for someone who wants an active lifestyle.