Buying out of home in separation in Edinburgh

[ProseccoThyme]

My ex & I are not married & still living under same roof 18m after splitting up, which is hellish.

He wants to buy me out, I want to sell & since the default position is to sell, I am thinking seriously of taking him to court to force the sale.

He should be buying me out at 50% of the title deeds.

However he put in more deposit than me, so I would be happy to return our initial deposits (which I am under no obligation to do) & divide the remaining equity.

We are in Edinburgh so the market is strong & houses go for at least 10-20% over home report value. So I'd get my deposit back, plus the "market effect".

He wants to buy me out, but minusing the deposits only, so that's a far worse scenario for me.

So what I am asking is: for those buying eachother out, is it unreasonable to ask for some "market effect"?

Or have people just bought out at 50%?

Or do others just stick at the surveyor price & ignore market effect?

Did your solicitor confirm that he can force you to live within Edinburgh city ? I’ve never heard of that.

I know you can’t take them to England but how can he stop you moving 40 minutes away ?

Does he have a court order to stop you moving their school?

@I0NA - If he's not in agreement, I can apply through the courts to relocate - but would be lucky to get anything in front of a sheriff this year.

And I always said I would only move them in primary, my eldest starts high school this summer, so I feel it's unfair at that age.

Is that what your solicitor told you ? That you can’t move a few miles down the road without the express permission of a sheriff, even though you don’t have a court order saying where you must live ?

He can (and almost did) apply for emergency court proceedings to prevent me moving the children - these would likely have been granted pending a full hearing in 8-12m.

So yes, I can move myself but need his agreement to move outside the city of Edinburgh with the children, which he will not give.

So I couldn't move across the bridge to Fife, or Midlothian, West Lothian etc.

He's very controlling/abusive if you hadn't already guessed.

You are absolutely in the right OP and you should be allowed to benefit from the enhanced market prices at the moment...after all he could do exactly that after buying you out at the precise valuation rate... 6-months later put it on the market and get another few tens of thousands extra.

I was in this situation with an ex in Glasgow, where I was wanting to buy them out. We again disagreed on this point but it was a reversal of your situation in that we were both aware that we had overpaid at a closing date and that at a resale (only 6 months after our purchase and when market was dipping) it was extremely unlikely to get the same figure again.

I think I suggested exactly what you are proposing: that we put it on the market, take it to the offers point and then I would see if I could match the highest figure. In the end we came to an agreement on figures before it got to this point.

It sounds like you might have to force the sale to realise the true value, or perhaps your ex will see his hand is forced and make an offer that reflects the likely actual same price in open market.

Sale price on open market

I instructed my solicitor to file the court papers to force the sale of the house.

He'll go mental.

So you are still having to live with him because you can't afford to move until the house has been sorted. He won't allow you to leave the local area, even though you can't afford to live there on your own. And he won't agree to an appropriate course of action regarding the house to help give you the ability to do so. On top of all that you'll be the resident parent if he ever let's you leave, not him. Why does he think he can call all the shots? Surely, regardless of the law on moving the children (have never heard that one before) this is a form of 'coercive control'? Which I am pretty sure the courts would take into account. I'd make sure your solicitor knows all the facts as to why you are unable to leave, and what he is doing to prevent you moving on.

I think you should decide what you want to do and where you want to live, but don't tell him. Get the financial side sorted and then just do it. If you move to Fife say, then what is he actually going to do? Pay for you to move back? I highly doubt it. And no court will force it when you cannot afford to do so. Besides, you'd be within easy driving distance of him so it's a non-issue really.

Put yourself first, and your children of course. Stop dancing to his tune, and make your future happen.

I wouldn't agree to less than the value you could get for your share on the open market. So either force sale and he can match highest offer if he wants it or you get several valuations from real-estate agents and agree an average of those. Surveyor valuation that doesn't match market value is not a fair determination of the amount he should pay you for your equity share.

@Throwntothewolves - of course it's a form of coercive control. I have been to the Police (nothing they can charge him with). And Woman's Aid - who said "leave him, he's abusive".

So I went to my parents (outside of Edinburgh) with the kids to get away for a bit - and he instructed his lawyer to serve writs on me to return the children or have them removed from me by the courts (that is the law).

The only way I can relocate is to apply to the courts for a routine hearing, which will take 8/12 months at least & cost 10K+.

He has also suggested he take over as the primary carer; that I am unstable/erratic etc.

He is using the law as a stick to best me with, to control/manipulate/bully me.

@ProseccoThyme I'm so sorry you're going through this
Apologies if you've already thought of this but it may be worth posting on the Relationship boards here for some advice/support around your situation. There's bound to be people there who've been through similar, unfortunately

Is the law not in relation to unreasonable distance? I know the case that informed the law was about moving hundreds of miles away. I can’t see moving within an hour in any direction would be breaking any law. I think you might want to get that checked because I’m not sure it’s legally enforceable for such short distances, unless you’ve signed a contract agreeing to that clause and at that I think I’d be challenging it as a coercive control measure.

Selling the house and dividing the profits is common in scotslaw and is entirely your right! Glad to hear you’ve started that process.

You could find a reasonable property within an hour of Edinburgh with good schools for 200-230k - your ex is just using this as another means of controlling you. You get what is rightfully yours!

@alpenguin - yes, have had extensive expensive legal advice & that is the case.

Have looked at Sheriff Morrison's judgment re: relocation & chances are I would be allowed if I applied to court & waited a year for a court date.

Controlling bastard.

Any chance he will meet someone new and want to bugger off to Glasgow/Elgin/Timbuktu away from you? I'm sure we could sort it out between us

If only!

He's rather fixated on the house & controlling me; it would be ideal if he found a new victim to focus on.