Online learning - not working for my child

[RaspberryCoulis]

Absolutely fucking furious with my eldest. He is S6, 18 in a few weeks and have just had a phone call from his (very lovely) guidance teacher querying why several pieces of work haven't been submitted.

Partly blame myself for not being on top of him but you know, he's almost an adult and will be at Uni hopefully in September. He needs to be taking responsibility for himself and clearly isn't. Hasn't been checking his Teams notifications because there are "too many". Claims he has actually done the work but just didn't press submit. (he might have done some of it, but definitely hasn't done it all). Will not engage on class WhatsApp or social media with classmates, so has no idea what's going on.

So, so FRUSTRATING. This is an able boy who got straight As in his Highers and cannot manage the basics of getting work in on time and reading his fucking emails.

Uni's going to be an utter disaster.

AAAAAARRRGGHHHHHHHHH.

Has he already gotten into uni? Could he be coasting on the back of that? Know I spent a lot of S6 messing around... but I guess that’s different as I still did have to actually attend school.

Sorry know it must be seriously frustrating.

I don’t think you should be overly hard on yourself as like you say, he does need to learn to be accountable for himself in a few months time.

He has two unconditionals... it's not that he's coasting. He's just terminally disorganised. We have been through this so many times before. Nothing ever changes.

That's hard, he is obviously very clever, assuming no issues then I think you probably just have to leave him to it.,as you say he is an adult.
One of mine had 5 unconditionals and did SFA in 6th year ,did very well in the AHs that were his thing ,and tanked the 1 that wasn't.

3 years down the line he is doing really well at Uni,

The annoying thing as a teacher is not just the waste of potential, but that we would be criticised for not getting him through the course - we weren't working hard enough to engage him etc!
I would agree that working independently will be essential for uni. He might feel overwhelmed - it can be hard to know where/how to catch up. Can you get the guidance teacher to identify main work he needs to do (if these are all in teams assignments he can easily look for himself, but might not be)

He knows what he needs to do now - he opened up Teams and there were all these wee red notifications with exclamation marks. This is the same Teams he swears he has been looking at every day.

Not to drip feed - but this is the child who was assessed for ASD/dyspraxia in P1, P4, again in P7 and who we were told didn't tick enough boxes. Did his exams on the laptop in school because of his shocking handwriting. Who has continually failed to hand in homework or hit deadlines. It is clear he does not manage his time effectively, I know you shouldn't compare kids but his brother and sister just get on with it and I never get calls saying they haven't done their homework.

I don't think he realises that at school the teachers actually do care whether kids are engaged and submitting, and that it's a good thing I'm getting phonecalls. Next year at Uni nobody's going to give a shit whether he passes or fails, and there will be no phonecalls to Mum from a tutor.

It might be worth him speaking to the Uni once he gets his place confirmed to see if he can get some help
Is he going away for Uni

Mine did and I think it helped them as they had to get on top of things

If he has two unconditionals why is this important? He's off to uni soon anyway.

Is there any gain in stressing out over this, it a tough enough time for everyone maybe he should do something else with the next few months instead. What are his interests?

To be fair, if having an unconditional means doing no work you should leave school after S5. Perhaps he could focus on one or two subjects and get the passes in those. It's a shame to waste a year so you can play Xbox or whatever (if you're learning a language or perfecting your guitar playing, perhaps!) Getting into some basic study habits would be useful too. Clearly he can do this as he has got the grades last year, but maybe not so good at doing it without a teacher breathing down his neck.

I wondered this too. I have 2 older teenagers, it’s really tough time for youngsters and many of them are disengaging. His last year at school is basically fizzling out!
Do you think mentally he has already left school?

No, he's interested in what he's doing and keen to learn. He's just super disorganised and needs constant prodding by a teacher to keep him focused and on task.

Well he won’t get that at Uni,so the quicker he wises up the better
I am not sure why you are so angry with him ,surely at almost 18 it’s up to him

Some unis do care.
I remember arriving at uni. I missed a lecture and met the lecturer in the street later in the week who pulled me up.
I realized that it wasn't ok to not fully apply myself and that is was very quickly noticed.
It might be worth contacting the uni to explain his support issues.

@user1487194234

Well he won’t get that at Uni,so the quicker he wises up the better I am not sure why you are so angry with him ,surely at almost 18 it’s up to him

Because I'm his mum and you don't just stop being a parent when they hit 18?

I know, But furious?

It might be worth seeing if there is student support for him at uni. Just to give him support. Because of my dad then her own dad, Dd was offered extensions and they were shocked that she had already done the assignments but that's how she copes. Throws herself in to work now.

All through school homework was an issue with her.

I was a grade A swot, but after getting straight As in highers in fifth year I basically used sixth year to relax for the first time in years, scraped a couple of advanced highers but had unconditional offers, took a gap year then worked darn hard at uni,got my degree etc. If he’s got unconditional offers and seems happy enough then I wouldn’t sweat it tbh. There is a lot going on at the moment in the world x

I'd advise you to step back. I had a wobble in sixth year, perhaps because I knew I could get into uni. I made mistakes and learned from them. Thankfully in those days there was the space to do that.

Online learning not working for DS in S3. Provision from the school is pretty decent this time, but he just struggles to engage and concentrate. I'm just pinning my hopes on him getting back after Easter.

Your DS must be a bright lad if he has unconditional offers. Is it worth approaching from another angle- get him to check what's in his uni course and what the gaps might be if he doesn't study, or a short term tutor if you can afford it.

It's a rubbish situation and the whole reason pupils move from school to higher education at the age they do is because expecting them to be self motivated at a younger age is a big ask. Some DCs are, many aren't.