handfasting

[Hiccupiscal]

Hello,
Hoping im posting this in the correct place, im consider a handfasting ceremony in Scotland with my partner who im engaged to.. what I am really confused is what typically does the "bride" wear?
I've googled and it all looks like wedding dresses, had anyone attended a handfast/been the female party? What do you wear?
I would like to get married in Scotland in the future, but wanted to do something lovely & traditional during this covid times when our plans have been put on hold.
Thank you :)

I've only ever seen it done as part of a wedding ceremony which would explain the wedding dresses?

Are you allowed to do this as a separate event at the moment in terms of covid restrictions? Wouldn't it need to be an actual wedding to allow the numbers dispensation? Otherwise, if you and your partner are from the same household then you'd only be allowed one other, presumably the person facilitating?

I went to a pagan handfasting in Orkney last September. The bride wore a flowery long dress with flowers in her hair. Her boyfriend wore loose trousers and a loose shirt.

@WaxOnFeckOff

I've only ever seen it done as part of a wedding ceremony which would explain the wedding dresses?

Are you allowed to do this as a separate event at the moment in terms of covid restrictions? Wouldn't it need to be an actual wedding to allow the numbers dispensation? Otherwise, if you and your partner are from the same household then you'd only be allowed one other, presumably the person facilitating?

It would only me and my partner, prehaps my DC if allowed. I havent officially enquired with anyone about it as of yet, I was trying to gauge the expense of it (ie. Would I wear a wedding type dress? A party dress? Something more casual?) & finding out more when I speak to someone properly about the technicalities of covid affecting the ceremony.

I've never heard of this other than as part of the wedding vows

What would you be doing it for OP? Would it be to mark your engagement?

@chrislilleyswig

I've never heard of this other than as part of the wedding vows

What would you be doing it for OP? Would it be to mark your engagement?

Yes really, to mark the engagement, and plus we've had such an awful year and got through so much together, it just feels right - like something we would like to experience together. I love the tradition of it, how honest and none commercial it is. I've found a place that does the ceremonies with brilliant reviews - so just looking into it really.

Very interesting that so far the replies have only been that its been part of a legal ceremony! From the research I've done it can be a standalone ceremony and doesnt have to be linked to an official wedding.

Honestly, ive only heard of handfasting because of mumsnet (a thread in the past) and from doing my own research.

.......still don't know whats acceptable to wear? or how far you should go with it (eg. Is a wedding dress OTT when the handfast is not part of an legal wedding ceremony)

I think the whole point of handfasting and similar ceremonies is that they are alternative. And that means you can wear whatever you please, whether that's the full on white meringue wedding dress or your jeans and trainers.

My friend who is a humanist celebrant regularly has requests for this to be part of the ceremony. She has "tied to knot" for couples in full wedding regalia right through to hillwalking gear at the top of a Munro .

The two weddings I have been at where it was a feature were both outside one in a castle the other in a forest. Just lovely.

Thank you @sockyarn & @lidlfix

Very helpful replies.
The ceremonies look beautiful and im really hoping to go forward with it :)

Yes, I'd think the advantage of this if its not part of a wedding would be that you could do it anywhere the celebrant was able to or indeed get a friend or family member to do it? And wear whatever you like. Might be nice in winter just all dressed in cosy coats and scarves :)

I just think that the covid restrictions with it being a non wedding might make it more awkward for things like a photographer if you wanted one?

My goddaughter wore a wedding dress, the American groom wore a kilt.

We had a ceilidh afterwards - much fear from the American guests all in kilts when the Gay Gordons was announced as the first dance.

You say you want something non commercial. So you won’t be able to use a humanist celebrant , as it’s their job and they need paid. And obviously you won’t be able to buy anything new to wear or rent anywhere, as that would be spending money and making it commercial.

So why don’t you just have it in your own / a friends garden, wear something you already own and make all the food yourself and ask guests to bring something? That’s the only way I can think of to make it as “ honest and non commercial “ as you wish.

Anything else is just a commercial wedding with a new age / trendy vibe.

In Scotland you can have up to 20 people including everyone eg celebrant , bride and groom. No reception or anything like that in most areas now. Of course that might have changed by the time you arrange it, doe to local lockdowns.

@ALLIS0N

You say you want something non commercial. So you won’t be able to use a humanist celebrant , as it’s their job and they need paid. And obviously you won’t be able to buy anything new to wear or rent anywhere, as that would be spending money and making it commercial.

So why don’t you just have it in your own / a friends garden, wear something you already own and make all the food yourself and ask guests to bring something? That’s the only way I can think of to make it as “ honest and non commercial “ as you wish.

Anything else is just a commercial wedding with a new age / trendy vibe.

In Scotland you can have up to 20 people including everyone eg celebrant , bride and groom. No reception or anything like that in most areas now. Of course that might have changed by the time you arrange it, doe to local lockdowns.

I did say earlier in PP, it would only be myself & my partner, prehaps DC, but doubtful. I meant none commercial as in not your usual big white wedding, guests, food, flowers, huge expenses, guests, photographers etc. I'm thinking to buy a dress from ebay, shpock, chairty shop or the likes - prehaps make any accessories. The place im thinking going with for the handfast arranges the ceremony, then provides a traditional picnic afterward. Sounds lovely. DP and I have been talking and we are considering having the handfast, just the two of us, and then later doing a legal marriage (ie signing the paper at the registry office) at a later date.

I think I've come to realise that we could wear pretty much whatever we like for the ceremony, so I've been looking on ebay for a nice second hand dress.

Thank you for all the replies!

if anyone is bored enough to want to trawl ebay for dresses/outfit that would look nice in a Scottish forest, im a size 10 - 12, 5ft 4 and early 30s

I have attended several handfastings here in Scotland - you can wear whatever you like Talk to the celebrant (there are several pagan celebrants who perform handfastings, you can find them through the Pagan Federation Scotland) and you can "design" the ceremony together

By the way, you can have a legal handfasting, the approved PF celebrants can perform "real" weddings and legally marry couples.

Too foresty?

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Zara-Green-Boho-Hippy-Floaty-Haterneck-Midi-Dress-8-10-Wedding-Guest/224134034146?hash=item342f6df2e2:g:t28AAOSwz09c2W-P

or

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/STILLS-Purple-Patterned-Boho-Dress-Size-10-Holiday-Wedding/264848872230?hash=item3daa391326:g:L5wAAOSwcaZeMFef

More weddingy:

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Beautiful-women-Formal-Party-bridesmaid-prom-embelished-lace-dress-boho-wedding/353103798342?hash=item5236a06046:g:q4YAAOSwR39e4jcJ

Ah I misunderstood, I thought by “ non commercial “ you meant not using any profit making organisations. So you are happy to pay, you just want it small.

Why not just have a tiny wedding and have the hand fasting as part of that?

Re what to wear - sensible footwear, insect repellant and a tick remover in your pocket.

Maxi or midi dress, non white.

Warm wrap / coat

It's just for a year and a day, isn't it?

Hi we had a handfasting but we used a celebrant so our handfasting is legally recognised. I wore a black asos dress and we were barefoot. Kids wore wellies and their usual clothes.

@Nonamesavail

Hi we had a handfasting but we used a celebrant so our handfasting is legally recognised. I wore a black asos dress and we were barefoot. Kids wore wellies and their usual clothes.

Thank you, this sounds lovely. I am now looking into having a celebrant so it is legally recognised too, ive really fallen in love with the whole idea. Thank you to all who have responded, and to PP who came up with lovely dress ideas.

I am actaully really poorly with (what I think is) a cold, so my enthusiasm has come to a short pause until I feel myself again!

Isn't a handfastning a wedding? It's where "tying the knot" comes from

If it’s legally recognised, then it’ll be a marriage.

Modern “hand fastings” are pretty much made-up ceremonies based on a variable mix of history, fiction and capitalism.