16 year old ds and our out of date wills

[WeAllHaveWings]

Our wills are out of date with current circumstances. As a child, if anything happened to both of us ds would have gone to live with his uncle and aunt on the east coast (we are on the west coast).

In Scotland, at 16, ds is now officially an adult, he's heading into S5 to study Highers this year. If anything did happen to dh and I he wouldn't want to go and live/attend school on the east coast, he would want to stay in his own school. Also my brother/SIL are late 50's now and in the middle of early retirement preparations and downsizing their house to a smaller city centre flat.

I have family 15 miles away, my mum who is very elderly and housebound so he cant go there, and a niece in early 20s in her first home who I wouldn't expect to take him in but would be there for practical/emotional help if he needed her.

The house is mortgage free and there is a bit of cash/death in service/insurance to keep him going for a few years (if he doesn't blow the lot on parties 🤦‍♀️) but he would obviously be vulnerable and naïve.

What plans do you have in place for your 16 year olds? What would happen to a 16 year old in Scotland if they were "orphaned"? It is such a strange in-between child/adult age for planning.

I think it's quite a tough one and in our will we said that one BiL and SiL had indicated that they would be happy to take the DSs on but that if circumstances changed we'd be happy for anyone who felt in a position to do so to take them on. We have a big family though.

I think that at that age my sister (who was recently divorced and had adult DC) would have moved to our house and taken over to allow them to finish education. She has always moved from job to job and I think would have been happy to do that for at least a couple of years.

After that then obviously they could live independently for uni and either move home or in with anyone else during holidays.

We set up all our insurance etc into a trust with people from either side of the family as trustees.

As I say, we are lucky in that although we aren't a family who all live beside each other or live in each others pockets, they wouldn't be short of a home.

I think you just have to think that the chances of something happening to you both over the next few years are remarkably slim and that your brother, sil and niece would make sure he was okay for what really only should be a short time until he is more capable of looking after himself with minimal support.

It might be worth making sure that he is prepared in such ways as cleaning up after himself, using the washing machine etc, cooking, looking after money, planning a budget etc. Important life lessons regardless and possibly things you've already covered.

You could have your brother as a kind of trustee, perhaps? So your son wouldn't be expected to move and live with him, but he and his wife are probably the best people to be asked to Deal With Stuff.

Thinking about it, he would get help to do bills etc from my niece. He can do and would pick up doing laundry, cooking etc soon enough.

The bigger problem would be grieving and living alone, motivation to keep on with school and someone guiding him towards uni/career and being independent earning money for when the insurance runs out. Would need a mature 16 year old for that and he's just not ready.

Dh and I both have underlying conditions and the current situation, and too much free time, does make you think.

It's not a bad thing to be trying to think about what could be the best option whilst hoping you'll never need it. Do you or he have any close friends? I think if it's likely he will be uni bound, you just need to think about what he'd do for a year or so as he could move into shared uni accommodation and potentially stay there full time. Perhaps your niece might not welcome a never ending lodger but would be happy to work with it short term? Or your brother and sil might accelerate their retirement and move up. Or he could stay at with them at weekends, Friday after school to either Sunday night or Monday morning and stay at home with support mid week, or he could lodge with someone mid week.

I think there are options that could work but I'm sure no one on your family would see him left alone and unsupported.

An appointment in a Will in Scotland of a Guardian is only for children under 16

On the financial side do your wills contain trust clauses that your estate will be held in trust until your DC reaches say 21

My will leaves money in trust for my children until they are 25. The trustees can let them spend it before 25 on things like a flat, education, car, driving lessons, a monthly allowance if they were students.

OP if you or your DH have pensions then your son will get money from that too ( I assume you’ve left them in trust to him ).

I know it’s horrible to have to think about these things. But best to have all the paperwork just in case the worst happens.

We have my brother nominated in our wills as a trustee until age 25 (?) but the kids wouldn't necessarily live with him. He would just support them make the best decisions they could. We don't live near my brother but do live near my cousin who has similar aged kids so maybe they would stay in our house but with my cousin keeping a close eye, maybe they would live with her, maybe dB and his wife would move in to ours for a year or so. It's so impossible to know what would happen.

Maybe your ds would feel very strongly that he wanted to stay at home, maybe he would feel he couldn't stay by himself. You need to choose someone to advise home you know will be able to listen sensitively to what he has to say at the time, someone you would trust to make sensible decisions on his behalf. That person can support and advise him but he doesn't necessarily live with them.

There's a big difference between 16 and 18 too, I think at 16 and having lost both parents it would be a big ask to live alone, but at 18 it's a whole lot more doable.

It's such a difficult thing to think about, and talk about. But we probably all should. And it must be weighing more heavily on your mind right now.

There's a difference between a Guardian and a Trustee.
A Guardian actually looks after the children
This is only relevant for children under 16
It is also not legally binding,but will be a serious consideration
A Trustee looks after the money,if the money is not put in trust children inherit at 16