At my Wits End: Anyone Homeschooling P1 kid while working?

[AmericanMomInGlasgow]

Hey All,
I just joined as my boss recommended this platform to me for support. Been in Scotland since late October from NYC, began new job which was always going to be remote but would have involved more in person interfacing-were it not for Covid lockdown. I've worked from home for many years doing research and consulting-usually within the same group of people so this was a change and though my boss is very supportive, my husband (loving but doormat stepdad) is furloughed and supposed to be in charge of executing homeschooling and keeping my daughter busy while I work. Im the main breadwinner and I have ADHD already so having an increasingly angry, frustrated kid and a husband who just wants to watch movies and feed my daughter sweets has me at my wits end.

My parenting philosophy has always been little screen time, educational toys, instilling community/civic responsibility values in my daughter's life and emphasis on healthy eating. My husband's has turned out to be any path of least resistance. :(

As Im still fairly new to Scotland, I only know one other mom from my kids school and she has a super supportive.involved hubby and three kids so they all help each other.

My daughter is really starting to act out- kicking/hitting us, whining/yelling a lot, demanding to watch only princess movies (!) and eat nothing but cheerios and strawberries!!!!!

Can anyone relate? Is anybody else facing similar? Any tips that are realistic? This is starting to impact my ability to work successfully and my marriage because I'm angry at hubs/hubs refuses to talk/is defensive.

I'm not in the same boat but didn't like to see you hanging for a response.

Sounds stressful.

Is your DDs school setting her work?

I think you need a set of ground rules for everyone.

If possible i'd do the following:

Set aside some time for doing school work, at P1, it should probably be no more than a couple of hours a day, you could split it in two.

Rewards in place for doing that could be a princess movie

Set aside some activities such as painting, puzzles etc spread throughout the day

Allow time for chilling but not always princess movies, some things could be more educational, nature things maybe?

Can you vary your work hours by maybe getting up early and getting a few hours in before others get up, then you could have some time together during the day, catch up again during movies and then finish off at bedtime.

Make sure you are all getting out for a walk every day

Get DH to do some fun PE type stuff.

Be kind to yourself and recognise that you can't control everything while working and deal with the stuff you can.

Stick a meal plan on the fridge that includes things you want DD to have for lunch or snacks. If she is reading, then she can see for herself what stuff she is allowed to access herself and have i.e. give her a bit of control and choice.

Same for tv time, give some choices that you are happy with and she can choose or have none.

Leave a set of jobs for your DH to do as well :)

A

I second Wax's wise advice.

The only thing I like add is that your current challenge is not just with your dd and homeschool but also with your dh.

You maybe need to try to find some time to talk with him - either while your dd is engrossed in a Princess movie () or afternoon she has gone to bed to talk to him about how this situation is making you feel . Don't concentrate on what he is is or isn't doing, except in the context of (say) "I feel alone and uncared for as I don't feel that my work time is valued". Or "I am scared that our dd won't learn boundaries as she gets to do whatever she wants."

If he is defensive, maybe try, "We are in this as a partnership. What do you think is the best way of dealing with ...?" Try to share ideas without judgement. Or write them down so that you can both go away and think about them.

Some of your dd's whining and poor behaviour might also be her adjusting to being at home. Being in P1, she won't necessarily understand that mummy has to work, so it is simply attention seeking. Try giving her an hour concentrated attention (and tell her when that will be) and then say it is now time for your to work and go into your office (if you have one) or another room and shit the door.

@WaxOnFeckOff @prettybird thank you soooooo sooooo much! both of you- from my entire heart. Your suggestions were so helpful and your compassion/empathy was so very needed. Made a huge impact and difference in my day. Truly thought I was going off my rocker and felt so unsuccessful at all of the things- the job thing, the mom thing and yeah... about ready to shake my DH. @Prettybird Your input on how to talk to him and why my little girl were illuminating. @waxonfeckoff will absolutely do that meal plan, great idea! Oddly, been trying the get up early thing (at one point, it was 4am but I wasnt effective no matter how early I went to bed and how much I slept, body couldnt adjust.) Now, i get up at 6 and my daughter who normally gets up at 8 (!) and thats a struggle during school, is all whats up and like a squirrel on crack (joking but she is bright eyed and bushy tailed like never before) somehow has adjusted her sleep pattern, even if my DH stays up later with her to get up at 6:30-7?! WHYYYYYYYYY! HAHAHA!

As for DH- Ive printed worksheets, made multiple schedules with activities outlined/bought tons of new games/educational games/toys for the two of them over the past month, coached him (Im a project manager and always did homeschool type stuff with my girl on weekends/before we were married and I was a single mom) and I have even told him that I will have to go to part time, if he can't get it together... he perks up for a day and then, its back to junk food and junk tv. I hate being harsh but I feel like Ive married a manchild... It feels like it was easier to be a single mom lately. I love him dearly but Im seeing parts of him in an exaggerated form lately that are blowing my mind.. Its like Im a do-er and a reader and a learner. If i was furloughed, I'd be fidning so many things to fix and do around flat and with my kiddo. He just. sits. there. Doesn't read a book for himself or my daughter. He just sits next to her or across from her and surfs Hypebeast and instagram. He will be 50 in a month! WTH?!

Glad I was able to be a wee bit of help.

I'd missed the fact (which you did make clear ) that your dh was a stepdad. It does make it slightly more awkward as you'll have got used to be a single parent and being in control. But presumably, the fact that you got married means that he wants to be in partnership with you.

Maybe the fact that you've been "giving" him instructions/stuff to do is (to use jargon) disempowering him . He might also be depressed as a result of not having the focus of work while being furloughed. Or a combination of the two.

Working out how to deal with that as a true partnership I think is key. Have you asked him how he is feeling? And don't feel judged by his response. His feelings are real - just as yours are. It's how you (both) deal with them that matters.

As an aside, when the lockdown is over (I recognise that is unlikely to be in the near future), would you like to meet up for coffee and a natter? I'm also in Glasgow and I imagine having not long come to Scotland, it's potentially quite lonely.

@prettybird you are an absolute doll, if you don't mind me saying so. Thanks so much for your very helpful feedback and empathy. You are so right- Ive been so focused on induction and my daughter that I have been very likely quite bossy (Im totally ok with constructive critique and I no doubt have been!). Totally right about sharing responsibilities too.. ergh, jeesh! so much to work on all at once, eh?! Thank you again and yes lets totes stay in touch! Love to meet up for coffee when this necessary but frustrating lockdown is over. :) Hope youre hanging in there too. You have been such a light in a dark week for me.

Hello,

You've had some great advice already, and I'll admit to having scrolled a bit so apologies if this has been said already!

I often work with P1s and we've agreed our expectations as a local authority that 15-20 mins each of literacy, numeracy and health and wellbeing per day is more than ample for children this age - and if the literacy / numeracy stuff isn't going well, bin it in favour of health and wellbeing or something creative. It'll still be there for her as and when she's ready for it. Are you getting helpful guidance from school?

Also we're seeing that a lot of young children are loving being at home and really don't see any worth in engaging with school in any shape or form - and I'm guessing this would be especially so for your DD as she's new to the school and area. So she probably doesn't see why she should have to take on school work when she's at home with her faves where she wants to be! Could you divert her attention from screen-based stuff to, eg, princess books, or colour by number, or making a fairy garden outside, so you can get on with your work and your DH can be alongside her as she does that?

Remember that any escalation in behaviour is her way of telling you that she's not coping with a situation - and as much as she thinks she doesn't want structure, that's the one thing that will help her to start make sense of this strange time at home.

I hope that helps a little bit - it's so, so difficult trying to work from home and keep children busy too, but you're not alone with that and you can only do what you can.

(Finally, I bet your DD will remember these as the best of days in the years to come! And you can laugh wryly with her )

Totally sympathise OP, we're taking it a day at a time here, some good some not so good! I'm working from home with 3 DC - P1, P4 and P7. Kitchen feels like a canteen so I've turned the snacks into a tuck shop, once they've spent their money its shut for the day, obvs still getting 3 square meals! Finding it helps learning about maths and coins as well. This time is hard for everyone and I'm learning to pick my battles that's for sure Totally agree with PP re routine, if my youngest is out of his routine too much he can be a wee devil so I have to rein him in

It's shit, isn't it? I haven't a P1, but I have three older children. I work from home all the time anyway but am used to having that 9-3 window of total peace and quiet to crack on with it.

Now I have three children and a WFH husband rampaging around the house being noisy, demanding food and disturbing me. They are bored, isolated, missing their friends and missing the structure of school. Especially worried about my new S4 who is supposed to be sitting Nat 5s next year.

Also maybe it's just me but I have a high proportion of people on Facebook who seem to be posting constantly about how they are loving the lockdown, their children are thriving, doing lots of baking, "precious family time" and other twee things which just make me feel murderous to be honest.

Add me too the coffee meeting list. I'm in Bearsden.

I’m another one with a P1 child. No advice but a ton of sympathy - everyone I know is struggling so you’re definitely not alone. We get a weekly suggested timetable and I use that as a basis to put together a timetable more suited to my child in particular (it’s generic and some of it is toddler level activities), then do homeschool for a couple of hours in the morning. We’re both working from home full time (afternoons and evenings for me) so a couple of hours is all I can realistically manage. I prioritise literacy/reading comprehension and numeracy (which he’s actually very happy to do), and then do extra stuff (arts stuff, science ‘experiments’, meditation etc) if we have time. We sometimes do the wellbeing tasks but I have a child who hates colouring and is very easily bored so it often causes more problems than it solves.

Having a routine (and expectations for each day) helps us, as does sending pictures of his work to his teacher as he’s really encouraged by the positive feedback. But it is getting harder, he’s clearly struggling with this situation, misses his friends, and we are getting more behavioural issues and tears. We’re having to spend more and more time dealing with the emotional fallout of lockdown, and it’s really heartbreaking to watch.

Hello, I’ve got P1 twins and two older kids and both parents working full time from home.

It’s hard working with kids in the house. Firstly, try to remember that P1 is A LOT of play - a bit of reading, some number work daily and they will not fall behind. My school is not setting much for the P1s (the older two are getting lots).

I’ve made a list of ‘non-brain numbing’ things they can do if not doing actual school work. It ranges from colouring in, playing board games, building Lego to watching nature or history programmes on tv and listening to audiobooks. They will learn something from all of this. Try not to stress about it - easier said than done, I know as I’m another one finding it really tough!