time......

[angelascubadiving]

I'm sure people have heard this before and find it VERY boring but the first 5 years of being a mother are the most wonderful - it can last till 10 years - but after that the dynamic changes. They start searching their independence - they start to find you annoying - they don't need you in the same way. Please make the most of it and build a relationship in those years
which will stay in their subconscious - you don't own them and quietly rightly. But you miss those days I promise you! x

I'm going to disagree with you a bit. I think that yes, the early years are important to grow and develop a bond and and also that they need to grow up and find a life for themselves, but my favourite time as a parent so far has been the teenage years.

The baby and pre school years are full of joy and love and learning about the new person that you've brought into the world but they are also exhausting and stressful. My least favourite is probably the ages of 8-12, lots of running about widening their world but you still have a more dominant relationship over them. I like when it becomes more equal, when you can have conversations and you when you are no longer trying to be perfect, that they can understand and appreciate you as a person seperate from themselves with your own needs and wants and human frailties, while still loving them and supporting them. I feel/felt much more of a family from the teenage years.

I do miss the days of them sitting on your knee and holding your hand and the pure love of that time, and also just how goddam cute they were! But I don't miss the utter weight of the responsibility every second of every day.

It's no walk in the park having teenagers, you still worry about them and their future and they do need support and encouragement, but I like not having to watch them all the time and the stress of constantly worrying if I'm doing parenting right. Now, it is what it is and I just try to be kind and understanding and treat them like i'd want to be treated and just have to hope that we did enough with them to stand them in good stead for the future.

i agree withwaxbut would go further and say the teen/adult years are the best of all. thye are independent, free thinking adults who can have sensible conversations with you and are fun to be around. I hated the shitty/crying/not sleeping of the baby years, and the endless dependency of the young child years. my youngest is nearly 17 (his two big sisters are in their 20s) and life is so much easier.
DS and i went to the local Christmas fair tonight and watching the parents trying to negotiate the crowds with buggies or trying to console over excited, over-tired little ones I was just so relieved to be with 6 foot something ds. he caught up with his mates, snagged some free pizza from the local pizzeria (his friend's parents own it) and then he carried my shopping to the car! It only gets better.

Ah demented not got to the proper adult years yet so looking forward to that even more :)

I also now appreciate why grandparents indulge their grandchildren (I didn't have any and DSs only had my mum and we didn't live nearby), it's because they are more able to see the transient nature of childhood and how a lot of stuff doesn't matter. Also because they don't have the responsibility I guess. They know just how fast it goes and are therefore more able to live in the moment of it all. Which I guess brings us back to the OPs point...

OP your insight and advice is uniquely cromulent, quietly rightly in fact.

i had to look up the word "cromulent" lol but I can honestly say I don't miss the early years and pine for them. I will admit I am not hugely maternal which may be a factor. Last week I went with DD2 to look at wedding dresses. Its true there was a lump in throat feeling but it wasnt regret for passed years and wishing she was wee again, more pride at the beautiful young woman she is and excitment about her life ahead.
Look forward to the grown up years - they are great!

Having 2 teenagers, one of whom has moved away to Uni, I'm a bit split. Ds's baby days were lovely. While Ds was hard. But as teens, I love going out, having a coffee with them and just enjoying time with them. I do have good memories of their younger years though.

I don't miss the baby days at all.

Love experiencing mine growing up and becoming their own people. Firm believer in living forward in the moment.