Question about teen parties in the UK

[susanjc9]

We are from the US. A friend of mine told me that it is common for teens to bring alcohol to parties and that parents are usually supervising. I know it happens in the US but usually they sneak it in because if parents knew they could be arrested. So what is the expectation for a teen going to a party (S3 S4 ages). Is it expected and do they bring it openly? Are parents usually supervising?

I wouldn't say I was a super strict or totally easy going mum but for my DC and their friendship groups S3/4 would be early for open consumption of alcohol.

They do know kids that do and in my S4 DD's circle their is a mum who permits drinking and watches them but DD hasn't gone to any of these nights (is terrified of making an arse of herself).

The kids I teach and my DCs friends it very much seems to be S5 for open drinking and parents providing. So closer to 16 than 14. Sneaky drinking more likely around the S3/4 group.

My S3 DD is still only 13 and very light I'd be worried about the impact of even small quantities of alcohol on her.

My DDs say "everybody in verydiversenearbytown" is on the sauce but in my view it's teenage bravado and research (reputable from my PHSE resources) would suggest that the majority of 14 year olds are not drinking but by 16 most are but lightly.

Teachers are regularly dealing either the upset that results from kids sharing pics of drunken exploits on social media.

No idea what S3 or S4 is maybe you could put an age in years.

UK law (actually English law, not sure about Scotland and NI)

Age to drink in a private home with parents permission - 5 (no I didn't leave a 1 off) it's not uncommon for a child to have a drink with Xmas dinner for instance.

Age to drink in a pub or restaurant - 16 but only with a meal, someone else needs to buy it and only wine/beer/cider

Age to buy your own drink in a bar or a shop - 18

S3 could be as young as13 at this time of year or have turned 15 at the end of academic year. average 14.

S4 could 14 start of academic year 16 at the end, average 15.

Posted in Scotsnet though where most people know what S/4 means.

Oops - came through 'active' I didn't notice it was Scotsnet.

I agree with lidl. My two are not big party goers but judging by their social media, certainly S5 upwards it's pretty open, prior to that it does happen but wouldn't say it's universal. We've allowed shandy and other dilute drinks at family events from 14-ish.

It tends to be S5 here where alcohol starts or the very end of S4 after exams are finished.

I know some kids in DS's year were drinking as young as 13, but they from families who just don't seem to care. Ds hasn't got involved.

Another saying more s5 here and even then towards end of year where they're nearer 16. There's always a few that push the boundaries of course but as a general observation having a 16 yr old myself.

AND most parents limit on strength and amount too

And another one from the frozen north broadly agreeing with what Lidl said.

My DS had some friends round to watch a Scotland game when they were all 15, with the agreement of all parents some of them brought a couple of cans of lager. Since then (all around 17 now) the form has been pretty much the same although there have been instances of one or two sneaking in some vodka, which nearly always end in tears.

I have a S3 child and it's certainly not the norm in his circle of friends. It's still all about sleepovers, pizza and movies at that age.

Friends with older children in S5/6 (so 17ish) do allow the odd glass of wine or beer, but again it's not a "thing" in this area for parents to supply loads of booze and let the kids get on with it.

Thanks for all the info. We just moved and DD wants to fit in. She doesn't really want to drink but doesn't want to show up empty handed if that is what is expected. She was in middle school in the US last year but never went to any real parties only sleepovers with a few friends.

My friend lived in London when herson was 14 and she said it was totally the norm there. But she is quite lenient with her son.

It's a private school so I am not sure if it happens more there (in the US I've heard that kids in private schools party more than in public).

Ds is 17 next week (now in S6). His friends have been drinking at parties for about the last year - but he tends not to, mainly because he is serious about his sport and has a game on Saturdays/coaching on Sundays.

Having said that, we'd be ok with him drinking in the house in moderation - but he has never shown any desire to do so, even when offered.

He does throw out the "at least I do t drink or do drugs" line when we're having arguments with him about pulling his weight or not around the house

I would say S3 mo way S 4 some kids /s5 becoming more common /s6 almost all
That's in posh suburb of Glasgow

I've heard of some in the new S3 that have had cider at house parties but this is in the private sector. My niece age just 14 was quite open about it.

At our high school, state sector, its more likely from S4 and up.

We are in posh suburb. Only the wilder kids are openly drinking when they are in s4 and most responsible parents wouldn't allow it . Most kids are still doing sports / movies / parties .

Even in S5, lost of kids are having only a few drinks at parties, I'd say it's a small minroty who are out getting drunk each weekend.

It would be very odd for a 16yo to turn up at a party at someone's home with a bottle of hard liquor, I'd take it off them and give them it back when they went home. Some parents will provide a few beers etc at that age but it's not expected.

I know it's hard when you don't know what they norm is . Of course it varies between schools and social groups too. My teen hardly drinks at all ( she's 17) and even her friends who are 18 don't drink much compared to some. Of course she chooses friends who are more like her.

IME it's 15+ before there's really lots of teenagers drinking, the odd one or two before that, but...

They don't really have parties until they're drinking either.

If she's ever unsure she's better not taking drink anyway, because not having any when some people do is easier to deal with than being the only one bringing it.

IME (England) - my dc now 21, 18, and 16 - it is more a 'school year' than age. So, here in England alcohol only started appearing in 6th form (when all dc would be 16+). Even then both of my older 2 were quite happy to take a bottle of pop sometimes or a couple of beers / cider another time.
dd is off to university soon, and has been to quite a few 'gatherings' at friends of same age's houses this Summer (BBQs etc) and they do very little drinking, tbh.
Definitely wasn't happening at 14.

So in summary . Safest course of action to fit in and not make social faux pas ....

If your child is invited to a birthday party at someone's house they take a birthday gift.

If your child is invited to someone's house - not birthday , just " we are all going round to Sophie's to watch Netflix " , then they take either money ( to order in a pizza ) or food and non alcoholic drinks, so soda / coke and crisps / chips.

By 5th year you MAY at your discretion provide beer / lager , but be aware that other parents may judge you as some kids will still be 15. Its much safer To take food IMO.

They only definitely take alcohol if it's an 18th birthday party and it's BYOB.

If your child says that everyone is taking spirits to a 16 yo party then your child needs new friends. Especially if the parents are providing it / condoning it < hoikes judgy pants >

My other tip is always offer to give lifts / rides to your kids and their friends. That way you get to meet them and their parents and can judge / ask what the others are doing.