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School holidays

Find half term and school holiday activity ideas.

Original poster

DS crying about going to holiday club

28 replies

PonkyPonky · 20/07/2023 21:25

I have booked 5yr old DS in to holiday club for 2 days of every week over the summer holidays and he’s been excited about it up until today. Tonight he just started crying his heart out saying he doesn’t want to go. He was begging for literally any other option. He’s saying he will not go. But I have to work, I have no choice about that, hence paying for holiday club. He tried the club in half term for a couple of days and had a great time. He doesn’t know any other kids who go there but he’s pretty good at making friends after he’s settled in. This has literally come out of nowhere and I have no idea how to handle it. He’s bloody stubborn and if I can’t convince him to go willingly, we will have a horrible time trying to get him there on Monday morning. I’m not even sure they would take him if I literally have to carry him in screaming and crying. Any advice?

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 20/07/2023 21:27

What did he say when you asked him why he doesn't want to go?

Are you WFH on those two days? If so, I'd be tempted to let him stay at home and be bored. Maybe he'll realise he prefers camp, maybe he just needs a day off, maybe he genuinely would much prefer to be at home.

BlameItOnTheGoose · 20/07/2023 21:27

Well he has to go, doesn't he?

I would just not mention it for the next couple of days. He may well feel differently when the day comes. Could you spoil him with a new water bottle or give him some special treats to pack in his rucksack?

nobodygoesdowninthejungle · 20/07/2023 21:29

I think you need to spend the next few days trying to work out what the underlying cause of it is as it could well be something tiny and easy to solve (my DS at a similar age got really upset about after school club and it turned out it was because he couldn't reach the peg to hang his coat up properly so it fell to the floor and he got told off). It could also be something entirely random so try and talk through what the day will be like with him and see what he comes up with.

WAPP · 20/07/2023 21:31

Poor little boy. He's very small. If you have no choice, then I suppose you have to steel yourself and take him come what may. If that's the case, you have to remain smiley and happy when you drop him off, and don't give him any hint that it's rotten (which I think it is - I can also see that there is sometimes no choice, but that is also crap).

WhatdidIdoyesterday · 20/07/2023 21:31

He's 5, this is normal. My 5yr old has been exactly the same. I just said that I have to go to work and that holiday club is much more fun than my office. I also said if I didn't work then we couldn't pay for DC to have new toys or sweets any more. They are easily bribed with a new toy or a magazine.

CurlewKate · 20/07/2023 21:42

@WAPP -helpful much??

@PonkyPonky I wouldn't mention it again. Have a nice weekend, then just be matter of fact on Monday. Make sure he knows that you'll be picking him up and when and where. Make him a treat lunch. Be as low key as possible. He will be fine. ItMa so much worse for you than him!

Peahen81 · 20/07/2023 21:43

I really feel for you. It's so tricky. I'm a TA and part of my contract involves working at holiday club for part of the holidays. I take my kids with me and we run a lovely club with lots going on, sports, Forest school, baking, music, trips etc but my children still moan and complain about it even though they enjoy the activities and they are with me. They feel it's unjust that it's their holiday and yet they are having do something that's organised from 8-5 each day rather than have a slower pace. I just have to explain that Mummy has to work so they have to do club.

jumperoozles · 20/07/2023 21:49

He will be absolutely fine when there! He’s just getting nervous like we all do when it’s the unknown. Try not to mention it for a bit and like others suggested get him all sorted with nice water bottle, lovely lunch and maybe a little word with the staff there about how he’s feeling and could they keep an extra close eye on him and check he knows what to do. Maybe they could buddy him up with a helpful older child who tend to enjoy looking after little ones. He’ll make lots of friends and have a good day! It is much much worse for you thinking about leaving him I promise you!! Also please ignore the above poster about it being ‘rotten’ It’s not ‘rotten’ to leave him with childcare as someone else suggested 🙄 it’s great for children to go to clubs, socialise and learn to cope with new situations.

Original poster
PonkyPonky · 20/07/2023 21:50

Thanks everyone for the kind replies. I have tried offering some treats after the first day (bribes of all levels). I’ve also explained how many days I do have booked off work over the summer and promised we’ll have loads of time together but I have to go to work on these days. I really think if I can get him through the door on Monday it’ll be fine after that but I’m not convinced I can get him in the door. So I’m very anxious to get this resolved before Monday morning comes. I have tried to get it out of him what’s worrying him but he won’t say more than ‘I just don’t want to go, I want to be with you’. There are zero other holiday clubs for miles around. I’m already using family to the max that they can do and all my annual leave.

OP posts:
confusedlots · 20/07/2023 21:51

This is pretty normal for a lot of kids, don't get worked up by it. I think it's all the change and not knowing what to expect, it can be quite overwhelming and they don't know how else to express it.

My 6 year old cried on the first morning of holiday club, didnt want to stay, but I had to get to work. I just kept reassuring her that it would be good fun, she also knew other kids there and the leaders. I stayed for 5 minutes and then breezily headed off to work, trying to be really positive about the whole experience when I just wanted to cry and take her home. Half an hour later the leader texted me to say she was having a great time and running around. And when I picked her up she was annoyed that I had come back to get her so soon. It was 5pm!

It is really hard but I think it's better to reassure them and to encourage them to go, rather than sending out the message that you give in and don't try these things. I bet he'll be fine once he's there

Original poster
PonkyPonky · 20/07/2023 21:53

WAPP · 20/07/2023 21:31

Poor little boy. He's very small. If you have no choice, then I suppose you have to steel yourself and take him come what may. If that's the case, you have to remain smiley and happy when you drop him off, and don't give him any hint that it's rotten (which I think it is - I can also see that there is sometimes no choice, but that is also crap).

Cheers for this really thoughtful and kind reply 🙄
Really made me feel bloody great

OP posts:
Labtastic · 20/07/2023 21:57

WAPP · 20/07/2023 21:31

Poor little boy. He's very small. If you have no choice, then I suppose you have to steel yourself and take him come what may. If that's the case, you have to remain smiley and happy when you drop him off, and don't give him any hint that it's rotten (which I think it is - I can also see that there is sometimes no choice, but that is also crap).

Wow. You should be more sparing with your kind words.

MetalFences · 20/07/2023 21:58

WAPP · 20/07/2023 21:31

Poor little boy. He's very small. If you have no choice, then I suppose you have to steel yourself and take him come what may. If that's the case, you have to remain smiley and happy when you drop him off, and don't give him any hint that it's rotten (which I think it is - I can also see that there is sometimes no choice, but that is also crap).

I'm sure he would hate it more if there was no food or electricity or roof over his head.

Seasideanticscanleadtosandybuckets · 20/07/2023 21:59

Have coerced a stubborn ds into tennis with the promise of a fast food lunch...
Easy peasy....
Needs must.

Merrow · 20/07/2023 22:02

My DS has a special holiday club lunch box as a result of the last lot of bribery. He also gets a freddo as his after holiday club snack, which he thinks is brilliant.

Original poster
PonkyPonky · 20/07/2023 22:08

Seasideanticscanleadtosandybuckets · 20/07/2023 21:59

Have coerced a stubborn ds into tennis with the promise of a fast food lunch...
Easy peasy....
Needs must.

I’ve already offer McDonald’s as a treat after the first day 🤣
I have also offered to buy something from the local tat shop which he adores! And none of this would sway him. He’s too stubborn for bribery. I miss having a toddler who would literally do anything for a single milkybar button!

OP posts:
WAPP · 20/07/2023 22:09

I did also say that bright and breezy was the solution if there's no choice. Plus I'd add bribery if necessary. Though I do stand by my belief that it's rubbish for parents and young children alike, when they would both rather spend the time together. It's a case of making the best of a less than ideal situation, and there's no point pretending that it's desirable just because it's necessary.

sanityisamyth · 20/07/2023 22:14

WAPP · 20/07/2023 21:31

Poor little boy. He's very small. If you have no choice, then I suppose you have to steel yourself and take him come what may. If that's the case, you have to remain smiley and happy when you drop him off, and don't give him any hint that it's rotten (which I think it is - I can also see that there is sometimes no choice, but that is also crap).

My 9yo DS is having to do holiday club 8-6 Monday-Friday for 5 weeks as I have to work. Yes it's shit for him. I have to work. I don't see how else I pay for rent, food and petrol. I'm not sure how useful your opinion is in this situation!

WAPP · 20/07/2023 22:17

sanityisamyth · 20/07/2023 22:14

My 9yo DS is having to do holiday club 8-6 Monday-Friday for 5 weeks as I have to work. Yes it's shit for him. I have to work. I don't see how else I pay for rent, food and petrol. I'm not sure how useful your opinion is in this situation!

Show quote history

My advice was "remain smiley and happy when you drop him off, and don't give him any hint that it's rotten". So my post wasn't entirely useless.

I really feel for parents who are forced to do this kind of thing, and for their children. Nobody really wants it, but circumstances give people very limited choices.

calmcoco · 20/07/2023 22:19

I would stop offering bribes, you are actually reinforcing the idea it is a crap thing that needs a reward. Bribes are manipulative, they only work short-term and kids can see from a very early age what you are doing, which makes them think you are tricking them.

You have to just stop discussing it and see how it goes on Monday. In all likelihood he will be fine once through the door.

Is there any chance something unpleasant happened last time?

Original poster
PonkyPonky · 20/07/2023 22:33

I totally agree with you and I don’t usually resort to bribery (unless desperate)
but I panicked with the unexpected outburst.
I’m almost certain nothing bad happened last time. He made friends, was annoyed it was time to go when I turned up. Talked about how great it was for weeks after and how he couldn’t wait to go in the summer. I’m sure it’s the worry about not knowing anyone. But he is the most stubborn child I’ve ever met and I won’t be able to just convince him to go in on the day if he decides against it. He is usually very placid and well behaved but if he decides to plant his feet somewhere, I cannot physically move him.

OP posts:
Notnewbutveryold · 20/07/2023 23:02

I have a 7 and 5 year old and they have been a bit grumpy this evening and I think they are exhausted after a long term and lots of excitement at the end of term. I think things could look very different after a couple of decent nights sleep.
ps. Mine are off to a holiday club for 3 days next week

PuttingDownRoots · 20/07/2023 23:12

Mine are 10&12 and still get the end of term grumps! Have a quiet weekend, and he will likely feel better about it by next week.

vivaespanaole · 21/07/2023 08:03

I agree. He may well feel differently after a nice relaxed weekend with you.

I'd stop talking about it. If he mentions it be reassuring but firm.

Monday morning try to chunk it. Step one get him up. Step two breakfast. Step three get dressed. Step four into the car. Step five get him inside. I'd avoid big statements like come on its time to get ready to go to holiday club-that might trigger a meltdown. Just keep the requests simple and small. If he meltdowns at one deal with it and move onto the next one. Don't wind him up by being too enthusiastic about it-just keep it neutral.

Please don't feel bad. Two days holiday club a week is not child abuse. You have to work. And you are taking as much time off and leaving him with family as much as possible. There are thousands of parents up and down the country doing the same thing.

QuillBill · 21/07/2023 08:21

He's probably exhausted from school generally and is feeling a bit over it.

You say he enjoyed it the last time so I would remember that for your own guilt (that you shouldn't have) and like PP are saying stop talking about it, have a nice weekend with not too much going on and then treat it like something completely ordinary on the day.