School holidays and 2 FT parents - how??

[Canigotosleepyet]

Looking for advice/thoughts please - have just been offered my dream job. Whoop! But the reality of making it work with 2 kids and a DH who is largely unavailable worries me. Mostly the school hols.

Extra detail - DH’s job is self-employed (so secure) but client-based. He currently works 12-14-hour days including some travel and client entertaining. Visits other UK base about 1 night a week adhoc and European trips for 2 nights once or twice a month again with little advance notice, plus client golf some evenings and weekends.

I am now part time self-employed - consultancy/freelance so almost entirely able to work round school pick-ups/clubs etc. But do plenty of evening work to make up for that flexibility. DH does no school holidays cover (another thread) and takes only 3 weeks off a year which we usually spend on holidays and visiting family abroad together.

Kids are 8/11. How could I cover 14 weeks of school hols with 27 days holiday?! Would hope to work 2/3 split office/home. Are other people’s jobs flexible enough to allow some 9.30 drop off/4pm pick-up from clubs? Kids now too old /opinionated just to book entire weeks at local daycare options… Do people buy extra weeks holiday? Grandparents not an option.

Am I crazy to give up entirely flexible part-time work for a full time job (that pays almost entirely the same as current work but has greater job satisfaction/more advancement opportunities)?

TIA

Thanks all. Am torn between - as reflected here - childcare is shared and is two people’s responsibility/what’s best for all the family.

if I take the job, my earnings will immediately decrease as I pay commute costs. Overall we’ll pay more childcare plus dh feels his income will go down with impact on him. Kids will have less comfortable life😁 My long term earning capacity increases of course.

i don’t agree dh’s income will necessarily suffer. I also think he is very comfortable with the status quo. His client work goes up and down and it’s impossible to say whether his business will have more/less work if he’s personally less available. We live in southeast so living/commute costs/mortgage tough but doable.

Am also aware of walking away fromthe work I’ve put in to build a viable freelance/flexible client list…

@Canigotosleepyet other than sacrificing your opportunity, what suggestions has your DH come up with to manage the holidays childcare so that he can continue working?

If you know any sensible 16-20 yr olds that you think your children would listen to, why don’t you ask them? I would have jumped at the chance of doing childcare over the holidays as a teen - especially summer which in those school/uni years are so long. I wanted to teach so extra time with children doing crafts, a bit of tutoring and lots of play would have been ideal.

Similar situation for me. We take holidays off together but outside of that I have to work from home and older one has been at a sports camp for two weeks and then i just to work around them being at home (not ideal) grandparents came for a few days and I just worked evenings or early morning to make up my hours. I work for local government which to be fair seems to be very flexible. I contemplated an au pair or part time nanny and I know some childminders work during the holidays but we’ve managed this summer. It’s not easy. Would your new employer consider flexible working options and at least some time from home?

I have to some extent been in your shoes - I was a SAHM while the children were small, and the flexibility allowed DH to focus on work. He was obviously the higher earner.

Then I retrained as a teacher. Having to work round my placements etc necessitated some fairly direct discussions when children were ill, needed dropping off and picking up etc etc. In hindsight, the best thing that happened was dh was made redundant unexpectedly and took over the household for a short period. After that, his ‘learned helplessness’ pose as the ‘working dad’ with ‘wife who does childcare’ never really washed, and we’ve rubbed along very happily as equal partners.

Dh earns more than me. In termtime, I work much harder and much linger hours than he does. It has never been said or implied that eg it should be my work that suffers if a child is ill or if holidays don’t coincide. A job’s worth - to you, and in terms if job satisfaction and intrinsic value - is not measured by its salary.

Would a nanny be an option OP? Friends of ours with two FT jobs and little flexibility have a live out nanny. She does school runs/after school care during term time and FT care during the holidays.

Have you done search for Ofsted registered holiday clubs?

I'm in the SE and there were quite a few options that offered full days and you could use the tax free childcare system to get some help with costs.

DD is currently at an activity camp where you can extend the day to be 8-6pm if you need to.

I wouldn't do more than one week of the same club though as I reckon it'll get samey and boring.

There are residential camps for specific activities like music, football, dance etc. so that could be worth looking into.

The asking a teenager thing is a good idea but I would have a few trial sessions before you actually need a lot of care as you want someone tried and tested before you rely on it. I've had teenagers spending an unreasonable amount of time looking at their phone while I was paying for them to look after DD. I've realised that a lot of them you would need to not rely on initiative but organise activities for them to do together which is time consuming.

Another option is that some childminders will look after children in the holidays who aren't usually on their books.

I am also a teacher with a DH who earns more but understands I have the less flexible job in term-time.

Well the 14 year old doesn't need child care so you only have 4 years max to sort. Can you continue in your current job until then?

Sorry I misread ages but same applies really.

DD went to holiday clubs until she was 10 (Summer of going into Y6). After that she was ok on her own with one of us at home. Before that it was non-negotiable that she went to a holiday club.

I think you need a serious talk with your DH. Childcare is alway a something both parents should do unless there are really problems. DH also travels for work but does his share of time off, mainly May half term and Christmas as that's difficult for me.

My work is not keen on wfh with children around under 10 unless it's an emergency (school holiday don't count as emergency) and I have core hours and mandatory 2-3 days in office per week. We can't buy additional time off and with a small team it wouldn't be practical anyway.

It also helps that DD is a Scout and normally has May half-term camp and one week in Summer. A friend's DD always went to a week PGL in Summer or May or went with the Guides during the Easter break. Maybe that's more something for your children than a typical day camp.

Thanks - no room for au pair and nanny sounds expensive for random hours/summer holiday work. Definitely prefer holiday clubs but worried about early starts/end of day. Can’t ask about company flexibility too much before accepting job (it’s a big company so I would expect flexible working to be very much dictated by manager/department and not in the contract.)

It doesn’t help that dh’s co-directors have au pairs/sah partners…

I don’t think it’s worth it to be honest. You’ve only got a short while until the youngest is old enough to be left on his own. You get no financial benefit from the job change, in fact I would imagine it would have a negative impact as you’ll have to cover costs of all these extra clubs. Will you not need to pay for after school/breakfast clubs too. If you add all these up, it mind end up costing quite a lot of money especially if you are looking for more interesting clubs for them.

It seems like if you make this change the kids will be less happy, you will have less money and less time to spend with your kids. Could you not just wait until they are both grumpy teenagers and you’ll be glad to spend their school holidays/after school time away from them? 😀. Or is it a once in a lifetime opportunity?
My kids hate out of school clubs and I don’t really want to make them just suck it up as they already have to do that with school and the holidays should be a rest from forced interaction and forced activities. To work around my fairly flexible job I share childcare with other mums or family members

PGL is your friend.

If you buy them when they're on a BOGOF offer, it works out at about £250 a child for 3 nights / 4 days. Cram your working hours as much as you can whilst they're away.

Bonus, is my children never saw it as childcare. They refused to go to childcare or holiday camps, but they loved their holiday away together every year. Do one at Easter and in the summer and that buys you two weeks work a year.

You pay. You take as much holiday and unpaid leave as you can in school holidays, use parents if you're lucky enough to have them, and pay for holiday clubs or work from home and ignore your children. It's an expensive stressful juggling act.

This is pretty much what we did!

We paid extra for early starts and later pick ups. I then worked from home to finish up anything from work.
Staggered holiday clubs so it wasn't the same place for the whole time and we took family holiday n the middle as well.

I think it’s a combination of
DP does at least a day a week, or whole week if that isn’t possible. You do same or more of possible.
Day swaps with other working families where you have their kids for the day and vice versa
holuday clubs where they HAVE to go, no moaning especially the 8 year old. There’s absolutely loads of them generally. Book early say April/May for school holidays.
Councils often run cheaper schemes, my council does, cooking, forest activities etc, have a look at council website. Grandparents for a couple of days if poss too. Local schools often run weekly activities normally an outside provider. Spilt kids up if they don’t like same things. Don’t tolerate negativity from kids, they have to suck it up. My kids generally enjoyed things but I said they had to go regardless as we all have to do things we don’t want to sometimes!
See what friends are doing and do same.
you gotta research early though. No leaving to last minute!

2 FT working parents here ....

Holiday camps (we can get 8.30-5.30 but it's ££) / some holiday clubs which are cheaper but not all day. Sometimes we pay a TA to do some nannying for us. Plus we are those parents that ask for help from grandparents which is a Mumsnet no no. Plus annual leave. It's a juggle but we make it work. Would an au pair over the summer holidays be a possibility?

It is not easy but we both take responsibility for childcare and I am the higher earner so your husband talking nonsense.

He is being disrespectful to your role in the family unit. It is not just about money here and that is not enough to duck out of his share. My response to him is if one day you split he would need to do 50 % childcare to cover his share. So step up dude (shakes fist) and spend some time with your kids.

Good luck op. Take the job. You deserve it. Fight for what resource you need.

Sorry op just seen AP is not a option. Serves me right for not reading the whole thread!

Unpaid parental leave?
I don't earn much so it was less stress being unpaid for the odd week than spending the same money for a holiday club they hated.

How can you say that your husband takes no school holiday cover but that is another conversation? Rather than asking about how people cope with 2 FT jobs, you're effectively asking how single parents cope.

Most of us don't work full time or work in term time only jobs when kids are in primary. Because as you say, 6 weeks annual leave doesn't cover 11 weeks of school holidays.

Your issue is that you are married to a man who has zero respect for your career ambitions.

This although not the WFHing bit

Your DH needs to take his full 5 week entitlement

Unfortunately taking 3 weeks off to travel together is a luxury

We both get 5 weeks holiday
We both then buy a week each taking us up to 12 weeks

1 week with grandparents 1 week in clubs depending on how bank holidays fall

We don't/can't holiday together and won't for several years until children are older

I have spent years organising holiday clubs etc and I would say ime irrespective of who is higher earner it is always the mum doing the organising and thinking. Even where mum was significantly higher earner. Higher earner opt out is rubbish and I wouldn’t listen to it.
I always organised the holiday clubs as I am the most organised person and I didn’t mind it really plus had the contacts but my dh committed to what I asked of him and did the drop off s / pick ups plus a couple of days I told him he was also looking after a friend’s son in a reciprocating deal and it wasn’t a day I could do. I just would not tolerate anyone moaning and my kids and dh knew it!
I involved kids in the clubs so they had buy in to the decision making and I said no changing mind later or if you do , don’t tell me about it!
now I don’t need to do it, and it’s fab😁

Of COURSE your dh is happy with the status quo! He works as much as he likes, you do everything, including all childcare, what's not to like for him?

And it's all very well saying he earns more, of course he does because he is able to work as if he doesn't have children and you pick up all the slack. You are taking all the career penalties by making all childcare your responsibility.

We both worked FT OTH when our kids were small and we paid for childcare, that's the only option unless you have grandparents or can work very flexibly. As a result we both were able to progress in our careers and it was worth it. Expensive short term but worth it.