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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

Can I stay in our home as a separating SAHP?

6 replies

ThisOliveSeal · 26/04/2026 14:45

I will be contacting the CAB tomorrow but am looking for any wise words from this knowledgeable group today please.

I met my husband in 2019, we married in 2022 and our son was born in 2024. We bought a house together in April 2025 and I gave up my (previously home-based) Riding School business to become a full-time Mum - with DH's encouragement and support. We have now agreed to separate as we are making each other very unhappy, despite attending couples counselling over the last 6+ months. We still need to work out the practicalities of the separation but my main worry is how to be able to stay in the home we have bought with a joint mortgage - at least for the next year or two whilst our son is of preschool age.

My husband earns over £120k pa so no government assistance for nursery is available should I want to start work.

I have been advised that his behaviour is unreasonable (previously financial but now coercive control). He has never looked after our son for the day nor taken him out of the house / garden without me. To allow me to go out with a friend and my Mum, he has 'babysat' 3 times in 2 years for just a few hours each time. For these reasons, I am not too concerned about custody. Should I be? Access, which I will encourage, may be problematic though.

He argues that, if I want to spend time with my horses, my Mum must look after our child as they are her (Mum's) horses too. The horses are my only hobby and are like family to me. Mum covers most of the cost for the horses so that he cannot complain about their keep and she helps out with their care. She also looks after our son daily to give me some time to myself.

Please, if you have any experience of this type of situation, or even just opinions on my position, I would be very grateful to hear from you.

OP posts:
Blimms · 26/04/2026 14:53

Based on what you have said, you will have to sell the house.

DalmationalAnthem · 26/04/2026 15:04

No one would be forced to pay a mortgage for a house they don't live in, I would hope.
One of you will need to buy the other out, or the house will have to be sold and you'll have to get a job.

Upsetbetty · 26/04/2026 15:06

you will either need to buy him out or sell and split the profit. The courts want clean breaks especially in a financial sense.

Roads · 26/04/2026 15:07

I can't see any reason why you'd stay in the house unless you brought him out. If you can't afford to do that then you will have to sell the house.

MyEdgyGreyTiger · 26/04/2026 16:52

Similar position here, apologies for jumping on OP's thread. Hope it's ok.
We are discussing a 6 - 12 month trial separation. Any ideas / advice about rights to stay in family home with children given it's a temporary situation at the moment?
Lots still to discuss and consider but my brain is foggy with stress.

DalmationalAnthem · 26/04/2026 17:34

MyEdgyGreyTiger · 26/04/2026 16:52

Similar position here, apologies for jumping on OP's thread. Hope it's ok.
We are discussing a 6 - 12 month trial separation. Any ideas / advice about rights to stay in family home with children given it's a temporary situation at the moment?
Lots still to discuss and consider but my brain is foggy with stress.

I don't think any rights are applicable, if you are married and both on the deeds, you both own the house, are both equally responsible for paying the mortgage, and neither should move out until the house is either sold or bought out.

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