What do you do while your children are at school?

[intoFolklore]

Hello everyone, my youngest child is starting at a specialist primary school in September and my oldest child is in high school. I'm not planning any more children and I'm also not planning on returning to paid work due to childcare being difficult to get for my youngest child.

I've been thinking about what I'll do with my time once my youngest starts school. He currently only does 1.5 days at nursery and on those days I tidy up and do a food shop. What kind of things do you do to fill your day? I'm thinking of the possibility of starting the gym but that's the only thing I can think of really!

I'd love to hear suggestions :)

You'll be surprised how that time goes. You'll be one of the parents volunteering as helpers during the day. The nice part of that is you get to spend time with your child and their friends for those brief times. I think you'll find you have less time than you think you will.

You can also work part-time around school hours. General household stuff. It sounds like a long time but the pick up comes around quickly and it actually quite restrictive.

Dog walks, washing, food shop, life admin, meet friends for coffee, volunteer at school, read.
I used to enjoy going for a swim before getting my dog but now don't have the time!

My son's school doesn't allow parent helpers and the school is 15 miles away from home. He will have transport via school minibus. Due to no wrap around care at his specialist school, and it being difficult to find childcare for him I would need to find a term time only, 9-3 job. Maybe a lunch time supervisor at a local mainstream school? Though I will admit I'm not really looking for a job just activities to give myself some time for "me"

Cleaning, laundry, shopping.
Admin for the family
A lot of volunteering at the school
Prepping food for the evening (usually ferrying the DCs around for after school activities) so useful to have something ready to reheat or prepped ready to cok quickly in between lifts etc)
Doing stuff for my Mum/MIL
Occasional meet up with other Mums.
sang in a choir
Reading/crafting although not much time for that

Generally there is little time between getting back from the morning school run and setting out for the afternoon pick up.

School days aren't very long really! I tried to get everything done so there were no household jobs eating into evenings and weekends, as far as possible. Gym, gardening, you need some friends who are also off to meet for coffee! I tried to have half an hour of actually reading an actual book in peace.

This was me but I have a chronic medical condition so I wasn't returning to work because of that. Dh and I knew this before we had our second child so there was no expectation from him, but lots from other judgy parents. I wasn't going to share my personal medical information around the playground.

I was super organised, all housework including meal planning, food shopping, batch cooking and baking etc done in school hours which meant Dh came home and could just be with the children. As he enjoys cooking and baking he did all the meals every weekend.

I learned the art of slow, doing things at a slower pace, no rushing about as you have time. The same with school mornings, everything was where it should be so easy to find and I kept on top of all school admin but Dh was informed about it all.

Learn what makes you happy when you are not having to put everyone else first. I read, listen to podcasts, watch movies and tv shows. Met up with friends although this will diminish as more people return to work even part time meaning their free time is spent doing house stuff. Went swimming and on walks. It was a lovely reset. Dh also gets lots of downtime as all the house stuff is done.

In addition to just keeping the family going and the never ending slew of work generated by having three kids, I volunteer at a babybank for a day per week, I help run the PTA at the school, so way too much work there, and am a school governor. There will be loads of volunteer opportunities around you so you can find one that suits you. I was lucky, as the babybank I went to as my first try was wonderful and I've been volunteering there for some years now. I also do some exercise twice a week, as I never manage anything when the kids are around. If you're like me you'll find that schoo pick up rolls around in the blink of an eye!

Thank you for the ideas guys. I'm at real risk of carer burn out at the minute and the idea of a few hours each day to get everything sorted in the house, and some time for a hobby or activities whilst youngest is at school is something that I'm looking forward to. I feel a bit guilty saying that but I think having time alone to actually prep meals, clean the house, and do something small for myself will help me be a better parent/carer in general.

I’ve recently instigated a schedule to keep myself motivated and on track, basically I get home from the school run and then:
30 mins breakfast and phone tome
30 mins housework
60 mins exercise of some sort
30 mins ‘paperwork’ which could be hospital appts, EHCP stuff, general paperwork or similar
30 mins more housework - splitting it up works better for me than doing a straight hour
60 mins lunch and doom scrolling
60 mins ‘misc’ which could be the weekly shop or whatever is needed
30 mins catchup as needed plus my own physio
That gets me pretty close to 3pm in a fairly low stress way that keeps everything ticking over. I’m not strict on the order or timings but I am strict on keeping moving. Some days DD has a hospital appt that throws my whole day out of whack and I just roll with it and start again the next day.

I used to get all the washing and ironing done, get dinner ready, and had time to keep the house spotless. We’ve got a large garden which was very overgrown when we first moved to our house, so I spent quite a bit of time each week digging new flower beds and building a couple of new rockeries. The house was fairly derelict when we moved in and it took us several years to get it how we wanted, and I spent quite a lot of my days decorating.

I’m studying a masters online which is good because I can slot it in around the kids.

I normally come home and sort the animals for the first hour. Muck out horses, feed chickens and walk the dog. Then I clean and do chores for the next couple of hours, and have breakfast.

Depending on the day I then either do my coursework, or go for a swim, or visit a mechanical horse, join a pilates class or ride my horses.

I also volunteer one afternoon a week at the school and have to pick up one child early for a regular medical appointment so there really isn’t a huge amount of time, particularly if you need to visit school for appointments / matches or drive kids to after school clubs.

Given your experience with SEN, you could be extremely valued as a teaching assistant, if part time hours would be something youd be interested in doing to fill some of your time.
I wouldnt straight away, you need some time to focus on yourself probably, but its something to consider down the line. A career can be beneficial socially and for a sense of purpose as well as financially.

My kids are both in school, but like you I have no plans to work due to my younger son’s needs (he’s in mainstream with a 1 to 1).

I think especially when he first started school I desperately needed some time to rest and enjoy myself! I felt like I should be productive at all times, but actually I was much more productive and better able to be a mum/carer/advocate once I had looked after myself for a while.

So maybe think about what you enjoy, or did enjoy before you have kids. What would actually be fun for you? For me it was art (did some daytime classes, set up a home studio area, now paint a couple of mornings a week). For others it might be spending time with friends, or a new sport, or reading, or just pootling around the local shops without worrying that your child is trying to run off, or people are staring, or whether he’s getting overwhelmed etc.

Do you have a sense of what you would enjoy?

I’m sorry I have to ask - what’s a mechanical horse and why are you visiting it? I’m picturing a robot horse but that can’t be it.

Yes it is a sort of robot horse - like this sort of thing https://www.equicise.co.uk/ It's to help with balance and technique without exhausting a real horse. I started riding later in life and my core/balance isn't great. I find it helps to practice on a mechanical horse, rather than forcing a real horse to put up with my poor technique!

I wouldn’t do lunchtime supervisor it’s very inflexible and you will probably need time off for illness if he hasn’t been in childcare much.

Mine is much older but after a few years where she couldn’t attend school I joined the gym. I go shopping one morning, the gym 3 mornings and another one for getting other tasks done.

@Purplearrow thank you for explaining, that’s amazing!

I think the last thing I’d want to do is be looking after a child with Sen (I have one) then get a job in a school doing the same, op wants things to do for her after pretty much being a 24/7 carer to her child.

I don’t work Tuesday or Wednesday but my son is home with me. So I potter about the house, we go for hot chocolate or for a drive. But when o haven’t got him sometimes I just do nothing. Have a nap. Walk the dog. Go for a nice lunch maybe some shopping.

take the time for you op, you deserve to regroup and focus on yourself, you might decide you want to work but I totally understand how hard that is with a Sen child, I’m hanging on by a thread currently. Something needs to change. Look up meet up groups or book clubs etc something you’re interested in. Enjoy it when it comes.