Judgemental comments

[Everestisthebest]

Up until recently I had never really experienced any judgement from other people about being a sahm but now it seems that because my youngest is in school that people seems to be making more critical. One mom yesterday made a remark when I agreed with her that Summers can be difficult, and she responded well it's more difficult when youre working. Then today I was having small talk with another mom and mentioned i was tired as child had been up every hour with a chest infection and she responded by saying essentially but you don't work...like i didn't have any right to say I was tired because I dont "work". What most of these people don't know is my eldest who is 6 has ADHD and autism and managing that alone has left me completely burnt as i essentially i am her carer. Anyway just seem to have been getting a lot of snide passive aggressive comments. How do others deal with these kinds of things?

If OP was 100% happy about being a sahm…we wouldn’t be on this thread because she wouldn’t give a shit what others say or “think”’but she does care and it stirs up feelings. Alas…we are here…

What a load of rubbish. I was a working parent when my DC’s were in school, I dropped them off and picked them up, exactly the same as a SAHP.
In what way did that make me a part time parent?

Absolute bullshit, as you and everyone else well knows.

If someone does or says something nasty to you, it can well be upsetting, regardless of it's validity. This is so obvious it's basically self-evident.

Unless, if someone you thought to be a friend, suddenly in the middle of a nice lunch spat out that she thought you were a slag, or a thieving cunt, or a paedophile, you wouldn't be the slightest bit bothered? You'd calmly pass it off as being more about her than you? I'd suggest that would put you in an extreme minority.

I’ve always worked full time but have always been a full time parent

But they didn’t say anything mean…they stated facts. The summer is harder to manage when working and it’s easier to be tired at home on your own than to then have to go to work.
calling someone a slag is completely different and you know it…

But also if someone called me a slag, I really wouldn’t care tbh because I’m not a slag and I know I’m not. Now if someone called me a bad mum…I would be upset…why because I do doubt my parenting at times!! So, that would upset me because it stirs up my self doubt.

Im a SEN mum as in ds is in a specialist school SEN mum and I say this to confirm hes high needs and I work full time. No excuse if dc are in school, you can work

Honestly, it really doesn't matter if you WOH or SAH. It isn't a competition about who has it hardest and nobody else cares. Just make sure that your kids are loved and properly cared for, and be the best parent that you can be while holding onto your own sanity.

I sound unintentionally judgey here. There are excuses in fact but just being a sen mum alone i dont believe is. Apologies

It must be a full time job having a dc with autism and ADHD but if others don't know your situation then they're going to judge this way. Not that it's right OP.
Hope your dc gets better soon. You must be exhausted with it all. Chest infections are rotten. Take care of you both.

Being a parent with small children and a full time, intense, professional job is totally exhausting. But when I do nursery drop off I drive away with a slight, guilty sense of relief. I get moments of repose at work (sitting with a coffee, reading the paper while I have a quick lunch in quiet). I get NO repose at home. So can totally understand OP, working parents don't have a monopoly on exhaustion or overwhelm.

But they didn’t say anything mean…they stated facts

Yawn

If dc are in school does that make all parents of school aged dc part time parents? No - they’re just unemployed parents as opposed to employed/working parents

Very goady, but I don't think this holds up once the youngest child starts school. Then, sahm (by your logic, not mine) are part time parents with no job in between parenting no?

Anyway, op, I was mainly a sahm when mine were very little. I went back to work when my youngest started preschool. I am glad I did, but equally, if you want to stay at home and can afford it and have finances, pension in order blah blah, then go for it. What these people have said to you is not untrue, but I do think the comments are a little bit pointed. I hated being made to feel lesser than as a sahm and that was when mine weren't even at school, but in hindsight, I think it was because I didn't feel good about myself. I get very edgy when I don't have my own income.

Not saying you can't work. Many parents of SEN kids do have to take calls from schools when the child can't cope with the full day. You might manage but maybe it is different for someone else?

I wouldn't be bothered by the comments. I am not a SAHM mum but when my son goes to school I won't be going full time. I need a bit of time to recover from looking after an autistic child and we would be no better off working loads as we claim UC. They are probably jealous.

@Coffeeandbooks88 see my update :)

Why say it anyway? Serves no purpose

I think they sound a little jealous and maybe steer clear and speak about your SAHM struggles with other SAHMs at the school instead. You’ve got every right to be tired and it’s not a competition - I really dislike these sorts of unsupportive comments x

It is hard, especially if you live in an area where most families have to work and SAHM is seen as a luxury. I had a lot of nasty comments when DC were in Primary but you have to understand most people work to live not live to work and it can be hard for them to see others always able to see their shows and do drop off and pick up. Some people need to have a whole other life away from their family and don't care so much, but the ones who want to spend more time with their kids do get quite nasty.

Just to add - I already experienced this nastiness when most of my NCT group when back to work full time and had to put babies in nursery and I was the only one who was a SAHM - they would always want to make a point about having a career and not being lazy etc. I think it all stems from jealousy. I’d much rather be me than them and enjoy my children and my homemaking! Lucky us xx

Well if we’re splitting hairs/getting down to that level of detail, SAHP are also part time parents as others are required to feed, clothe and house the DC.

When I was a sahm I listened to people tell me how lucky I was, how easy I had it (to be fair I do agree when they’re sick it’s just the best thing ever to not have to figure out what to do), now as a wm I’ve had people say ‘god kids have it so tough with two parents working don’t they?’ to me when I said sadly my youngest wouldn’t be going to an activity any more as I had no way to get him there as I was in work.

People like to stick the knife in to make up for whatever they’ve going on.

To be fair without sahms there’d be even less childcare places/ bus spaces and they’d give out about that too!!! There’s oros and cons to both and I think each family knows what suits them

Some people don't see earning the money to support dc as parenting. It's never a man who works that is a part time parent. Only a woman.

Women. Know your place🙄

No they’re not. They don’t stop being parents while they are working. What an absolutely ridiculous statement.

Being a parent isn’t just about being physically present. It includes providing for them financially, putting a roof over their head, feeding them, providing opportunities to engage in activities and hobbies, making decisions about childcare, school etc.

Someone has to provide financially for a child. Some people choose to outsource that and make it someone else’s responsibility. Some people choose to do it themselves.
Parents who work aren’t part time parents, they’ve just made different parenting choices.