Anyone else love the ‘bubble’ and scared/sad when itll be over?

[Newsenmum]

I became a sahm mostly because at least once of my kids has sen and although it was hard at first, Ive really fallen into the role and learned to love it as it is.

My youngest is about to turn 2 and I can’t bare the thought of having to go back to the real world some day. Let’s face it,it sucks.
im an introvert and always struggled with work despite being smart at school. I find the news unbearable. Id much rather focus on our little home, mum friends and everything related to children. Libraries, stay and plays, primary school life. I even like watching kids tv with them. 😳

I desperately want another baby but dh not keen. In a way Ive given up so much to do this, so to then go back to the real world seems terrifying and miserable.

How do you all do it?

I’m with you 100% OP. Best 7 years of my life as a SAHM of 2 🥰 Youngest has started school now, but still making the most of every moment before/after school, and heavily involved with everything at their school, which I’d highly recommend. 💐

I was a bit like you. I used to enjoy watching kids telly with the kids too! I didn't use it as entertainment to keep them busy while I did something else. I watched things with them as they would often have questions about what they were watching, or we had a discussion about what was happening. I liked to learn what made them laugh, or which things piqued their interest, and encourage it. You can't really do that if you just plonk kids down in front of the telly to keep them quiet.

I went back to work bit by bit, gradually increasing my hours.

Did you have a career before children? Have you thought about looking for work in primary schools? You could get your fix of little ones there, and enjoy making it magical for them at Christmas etc.

Someone has to do the adulting, though, earn the money to give the children in the family opportunities and experiences. It's not realistic to stay in the home bubble. And it isn't good for them. Ultimately, your job as a parent is to give them a good upbringing so that they fly the nest one day totally happy and secure and confident (with a bit of help) to take on the world and make their own mistakes. They don't go from cosy life at home to being a happy independent adult without a lot of slow shortening the apron strings over time. So look at it that way. It's a slow cutting of the apron strings from here on in, for THEIR sake, as bittersweet as that is.

They need to see what adults can do, that they go out into the world and earn a living to support themselves, and you're their role model. Hiding out at home being all cosy and homely in a little bubble, while a lovely idea, is not real life.

Obviousy that will be a bit different in families where children have SEND which will mean they are never going to be independent or will need a lot of parental support.

It sounds like your DH is worried about you settling in for the longterm as a SAHP and leaving all the earning to him. Maybe he'd be more open to having another baby if you had a plan to go back to work part time at least. It doesn't really seem fair to put all the worry about earning enough to support another baby on him..

Since when is looking after children not adulting? So funny!

And nope. DH has a much easier life with me being a SAHM. He is happy for me never to go back. 🤣 But I think mentally Id feel better longterm if I get back into a career. My oldest cant do any childcare outside of school hours which means I can’t even do a school job! But Im hoping one day he will be able to which is when I will return to work.

Could you wfh or flexibly OP? Giving you the benefit of being back in work but able to accommodate your kids needs?

And my career has always been working with children. Especially sen children. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Not sure I could do that now.

I look occasionally but there is hardly anything. I assume one day I will get into something flexible. Can’t imagine Id ever want to work full time again given the choice!

100% relate to this op, I've been a sahm for 6 years and god it's hard but I love it so much. My youngest is almost 3, almost at nursery and I feel so sad about it all coming to an end. She's been my little sidekick since my eldest started school. DH had the snip last month and I honestly didn't think I was overly bothered but it really hit me hard that this is it and we won't have any little ones in the house again.
I'm still on the fence about returning to work, DH works away a lot so it's going to be a big juggle for me if I do go back, DH is happy for me to be at home for now so we'll see.

What kind of thing do you think you’ll do? I also feel like you’ve sacrificed so much and been constantly exhausted with kids all the time that maybe it’s ok to take your time to go back.

@Newsenmum I'm not sure, I've worked with children since leaving school but I just don't think I've got it in me to do that all day then come home to my own and start again if you know what I mean.
I did cleaning for a little while just before I had my youngest a few nights a week and I actually quite enjoyed it but it isn't something that has much progression. I've thought about retraining but I've no idea what in. I preferably want something school hours and term time but I feel like that's an impossible ask? I think once my youngest starts her nursery hours my plan is to take a bit of time for me and go from there.

Your children are still young. Nothing wrong with enjoying being with them and focussing on family life.

Life is long, though (hopefully!). Your kids will be teens soon enough and they really wont want you hanging around watching telly with them 😄 .

It’s important to think ahead and make sure you have a way to earn money and that you have developed your own interests.

My youngest is 3 and I've loved our family-centred bubble. She's at nursery but only doing mornings, she'll be gradually increasing her days and do full days next September. But I am not planning on returning to work as I want to have full flexibility to do pickups and taking to after school activities, be available for every school holiday (even if we use camps they aren't full days), and go to every school event. Plus I like my time for myself and getting things done during school hours, so I can be focused on the dcs and have lots of family leisure time when they're not in school. Financially it's an option for us (and I am not depending on DH's earnings) so I'm ignoring any pressure to do otherwise.