What should I be doing on mat leave?

[DorsetPlantation]

My DS is 5 months old. We moved to rural Dorset 7 months ago for my Partners job. We are fortunate to live on a farm in a house which is part of his remuneration package, we have a few lovely neighbours who we get on well with and often offer to help with our baby, dogs etc.

DP’s job is seasonal and he will be working 60+ hours a week until March. I just don’t know what to do all day and week. I love spending time with my baby but my life is completely different to how I used to live. Pre-baby I helped DP full time in his previous job. I have a few quality friends nearby, including one with a baby the same age, but I don’t really know the area well. Our families are 1hr+ drive away and all work.

My partner is starting to get frustrated with me ‘not doing anything’ most days, he says he’s repeatedly sighs when he gets home to find I haven’t gone out or done much. I see where he’s coming from and I agree. His argument is that I have the chance to do anything I want during this time, and he worries I’ll get stuck in a rut and my mental health suffering as a result.

I go swimming with DS once a week and try and meet up with a friend another day or go for a big dog walk somewhere, but aside from the odd trip to the supermarket or post office that’s about it. We live 15/20 minutes from any town. I dread packing up the baby into the car more than once a day. Baby groups are probably the obvious thing but they don’t really appeal to me and I’m pretty shy, I barely make small talk with the other parents at swimming, although I know I should. I’d prefer to do something productive or have a bit of a ‘side hustle’.

I guess what I’m asking is what’s everyone doing with their days if they don’t work???

I wrote a novel.

edit
I did not post this for the purpose of partner bashing!! We run our house efficiently together and I DO have some free time during the day after the basic cleaning and baby care. I am looking for some ideas of things to do or places to go that fit around my baby.

I went to groups and made friends. I had no “network” when my dc were born, and these friends have been invaluable over the last 17 years. We’ve been through a lot together.

I joined the National Womens Register. Might still be going.

I think you should reconsider the baby groups - I took my eldest to a few despite being pretty shy. I found that you don’t really have a chance for chit chat with other parents anyway as you have to listen to what the class leader is saying and concentrating on your baby. So I never felt pressure to talk much to others. It was just good to have something to do on those days. I did get along with some of the other mums and it was lovely to see them each week in that group setting.
Even one hour at a baby class made me feel like I’d actually done something with my day.

Gosh did people really write novels?! Wow!!

I feel like between naps, feeds, nappies, laundry, feeding myself, doing a few chores and getting out for a dog walk the days were mostly full. My brain definitely felt like it was dying from lack of stimulation though so good for you if you feel you have capacity to do something else!. I listened to podcasts during feeds to try and learn something. At 5 months I don't think I was doing baby groups. Was all a while ago now though. Looking back I wish I'd spent more time just interacting with the baby rather than going from task to task.

Friends used to do a fitness dvd when the baby was happy to be on the floor. Where I used to live they had bring your baby classes for yoga and cardio, even a choir, so wasn't so focused on networking, more self care. I guess look at your hobbies and goals and see if something would fit? Doesn't all have to be baby focussed.

Baby groups vary- some are very structured, with little time to talk to others. Some are very open and relaxed, but people won’t pressure you to talk if you don’t feel ready. I found they gave our mornings structure and people were friendly. One even had volunteers who made us all a cup of tea and brought home made cakes!

Other ideas- volunteering (lots of telephone/zoom opportunities which could WFH) or DIY. I have completed various painting projects, both internally and externally, working within baby/toddler naps, older than yours currently is though.

I had a blast tbh. I walked and walked - she was tiny so I carried her in a sling, never bought a pram. Sometimes with friends, sometimes alone. I travelled on holiday a lot, explored half a dozen cities. I got through a few books and Netflix series whilst she was feeding. I gardened. I’m a swimmer so I bought something for her to float in and kicked her up and down the pool. One of the best years of my life.

I did all the baby groups first time round and they're just not for me. Currently on my second maternity leave and doing things a bit differently.

I found a Metafit class that I can take baby to so go 3/4 times a week. I also walk loads with the pram. Morrisons and M&S each have a day where mums get a free cake with a coffee (you need to sign up to the baby club on their website) so I walk there and back, do whatever shop I need and read a book while enjoying my coffee and cake. Baby cinema is also great. The important thing is keeping busy and it honestly makes you feel so much better getting out, whatever it is.

I planned to. I was going to use my 9 months of free time to get the bulk of it done and then go part time so any polishing off could be done on my days off.

I managed less that 100 pages. 😆😆😆

I used to have a very vague plan of my days just so it felt like I’d achieved something. I got out for a long walk with the dog every day which I used to live. Monday I think I used to let myself have a chill day after the weekend, then I found a couple of groups I liked for Tues - Thurs. That took a while though a lot of baby groups are boring. I do think it’s important to remember that the groups are for you not the baby, so if you don’t like it, just sack it off.

Also after I got over my idea of writing a novel, I totally rejected the idea of mat leave being about being hugely productive. Instead I used it as a time to slow down, let my body heal and bond with my baby. My days followed a vague pattern of staying in bed until after the baby’s little 9am Power Nap, then either going to a group or having a tidy with the baby in a sling, putting the baby down for a nap and then sitting down for my lunch and a chill while the baby was napping and then getting the dog out for a walk. Lazy days but probably one of the best times of my life.

I would reconsider baby groups. Visit several, maybe 7 or more. You need to find your tribe.
When I moved area, to a smallish village, where I knew no one, 2 groups really helped me - the local baby group in the church hall that cost £3 a session and a disco session which was £8 a session.
I tried quite a few other groups but these were the ones that stuck.
Still friends with quite a few of the mums I met there.

I wasn’t into going to playgroups but I did find classes that weren’t just sitting around chatting. I did 2 a week, I found the baby stage quite boring, but once they started crawling and walking and becoming their little selves and more engaging with me, I liked it more. I did try and go to a park once a day. Have you looked on Facebook for local groups that you may like to try.