Help me to change my mind about SAHM

[MaybeSAHM]

My DH is encouraging me to become SAHM. We have one child, and hoping to have more. We are in the 30s.

I am reluctant because I am worried that I will miss out on my career growth (with AI things are moving fast, and I am worried that I will find myself on the back foot).

He says that I can always go back to what he calls "spreadsheets" (he is not wrong in the description of my job, be it well paid one).

Part time isn't an option for me - none of the roles are advertised part time, and unless you get your current employer to reduce hours, companies are not keen on hiring part-timers.

I just want stories of encouragement or vice versa about SAHM.

I would listen to your inner concerns. When my kids were little, my husband suggested similar and I was very tempted as we were financially comfortable due to him being a high earner and there was a lot that appealed about being a SAHM. 20 years later, and I'm so glad I kept my hand in part-time during those early years. For a variety of reasons, my husband's career didn't pan out how we expected, and 10 years ago I needed to step up to contribute more fully to the household income. I am now the higher earner. We would have been screwed financially if I had become a SAHM. It feels a big risk to have one person as the exclusive breadwinner, and I also think it can sometimes change the dynamic in a marriage for the worse. Also, now my girls are older, I can see the benefits of role modelling having a good career.

I appreciate different approaches work for different people, so this isn't intended as a judgement on anyone else. More that with the benefit of hindsight, I'm glad I didn't take the risk as I don't think it would have worked for me personally.

If it was so great, many, many more fathers would do it.

Barring me or DC having health issues or DC having significant additional needs I wouldn’t become financially dependent on a partner and damage my personal earning ability. Too costly and risky.

Don’t do it if you don’t want to and it sounds like you dont

anf why is he so disparaging about your job

Me being a SAHM was one of the first things we discussed when I found myself unexpectedly pregnant with our first. We agreed it was the only way we wanted to do things, and there's not been a day since that I've regretted it. I'm 16 years in now, we have 6 children, and there's no job on Earth I'd do rather than be with them.

I was never a maternal person, didn't know if I saw my future with children in it, and had big exciting career prospects ahead of me, but none of it is as important as my role within our family.

I agree it is a bad time to take a career break -many jobs will be transformed in the next 5 years. I would tell him you don’t want to leave your job. If he starts saying kids need someone at home, tell him he’s welcome to do it, when he says no, point out it’s not very reasonable to expect you to do something he isn’t willing to do himself.