Does anyone else struggle with their Husband’s working hours?

[helloRed]

My Husband works really hard and he is doing very well in his Job. He is high up and makes a very good wage, but the hours are becoming ridiculous and i’m starting to feel quite lonely. I am currently a stay at home Mum to our 2 children. We also have 2 dogs (crazy house). I manage all of the household and childcare responsibilities while my Husband is at work. He works from home in his office 3 times a week and goes into his actual office twice a week. His hours are meant to be 9-6, with an earlier finish on Fridays. The problem is 90% of the time now he is finishing late. When he is at home, he can be working until 10pm, sometimes it’s even been as late as 1am! And when he is in the actual office, he comes home around 6.30- 7pm, but he hops back onto his laptop because he has more work to do, and proceeds to work for the majority of the evening. He also occasionally starts work early and has work to do on the weekends! I am starting to become really frustrated, as not only is that extra support not there for the kids and house (the kids are in bed or just about to go to bed, by the time he gets home - meaning no help with dinner, bath time and bed time routines, which I find manic! And don’t forget fitting in a dog walk too!) but our evenings as a couple are becoming affected as well. Most nights I am sitting watching tv by myself (with him next to me, but he’s on his laptop working, so he’s not really watching it with me), or I am pointlessly scrolling through my phone. Or I become so bored, that I take myself to bed early. I am feeling really deflated by it and I have tried to explain to him how I am feeling, but he can never see where I am coming from and just sees it as an attack on him. He is also massively in denial about the amount of hours he is putting in. I have always said to him, that I would rather him make less money and actually be home with the family, than have this brilliant job that brings in lots of money, but means he is never properly around. I don’t know what to do! I feel really isolated and stressed because all of the household and childcare responsibilities fall down to me and I feel so distant from him, because we aren’t getting that time together as a couple, and when we do, I feel grumpy and resentful. It’s affecting our sex life as well, as I’m just not in the mood most of the time, because I feel so distant from him. I love him to pieces and I want us to have a happy and healthy marriage, but I am really worried that if this carries on, we will just grow more distant from each other. Help please?

Sorry. I can't read that without paragraphs. I suspect that's why you don't have replies

I don't think workaholics change their spots. My view is coloured by exH who became obsessed and worked weekends too, he loves the status. I've heard of a lot of men just avoiding their kids too.

Still, if you divorce he'll have to have them half of the time, so give him that ultimatum.

Mine worked like that, I also worked FT. He was also sent off overseas for a decade on a frequent basis. It genuinely never bothered me that much, 2 children as well but no dogs just a cat. Due to both of us working we have ended up retiring early in our mid fifties. As well as his hours and communication between you not being great you are bored unless you love domestic labour. What the end goal of more money? We had something very specific in sight.

Sounds like a nightmare. You need to speak to him and potentially go to couples therapy. Workaholics behave as if 24/7 work is expected of them by their employer, but that is rarely the case. It’s a compulsion, something that your husband should think about.

Actually that’s often the case, and high earners are expected to work till the job is done.

op I think you need to explore if it is feasible for him to cut back, but accept it maybe difficult to do so, and also it’s not reasonable to expect him to change job, he will resent you.

you need to find something to help you fill your time, so for example meet friends in the evening, gym, clubs, volunteer etc, and become more self sufficient, not rely on him to stave off your boredom, and coupled with a couple of evenings a week where you commit to spend the evenings together doing something,

Yes I have this. I also believe my husband is a workahoic AND his employer expect him 24/7.

He gets a very good salary , probably 200-250k when all benefits are accounted for and bonus on top...bonus between 20k and 70k after tax.

He works incredibly hard. I'm proud of him.

But I do get lonely. Sometimes I fantasise about him being different, earning a v "normal" wage and choosing to spend more time with me. I guess if that was our life, them I would be worrying about something different.

I agree, find some hobbies to do, good tv to watch and make sure all the house stuff is taken care of so by the weekend you can all enjoy it together 😃🫂