Struggling to make friends as a SAHM

[ThisAmberShark]

Hi,
I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to make mum friends as a SAHM please?

I am part of an antenatal group but the communications have sadly fizzled out as everyone's returned to work etc. I take my daughter to classes and softplay, but whilst I can talk to people and make small talk, I'm struggling to make any meaningful connections and make any friends. I actually tried a different class the past few weeks but found some of the mums had already established cliques and some of them seemed really standoffish with me.

It doesn't help that I am forever seeing mums walking round in duos and trios in my city, and that makes me feel lonelier! I have a few friends with babies or expecting, but sadly no-one is local (one isn't even in the country!).

I should also add, I am deaf and lipread, and I don't know if this makes people feel uncomfortable. Like, I can join in with conversations if I am able to face and lipread, but I don't know if this lack of eye contact and looking at lips makes other mums think I'm a little odd. It's really difficult to explain, and I have experienced similar awkwardness in the past, but I don't want to disclose my deafness to every mum I'm just having a casual chat with!

So yeah, TLDR, would really appreciate any advice please!!

My advice keep your normal friends you had before you were pregnant. Absolutely no need to make new ones. These ones are just fake and then go on to have another kid new NCT group etc and have no deep connections.

Makes perfect sense. The friends I have already are a great bunch tbh!

I’m a SAHM now with a second baby after quite a big gap and all of that sounds very familiar to be honest, even without the additional challenges of being deaf.

I was also in an antenatal group first time round where everyone other than me either went back to work at least part time or moved way out of the area. 10-18ish months felt like a really lonely time for me. Like you, I was out and about most days with DS at various classes and groups. I’d make small talk with lots of people but mostly didn’t feel much connection or get beyond the superficial.

It did get better although I didn’t find any shortcuts unfortunately. I think you just have to hang in there and keep doing what you’re doing. Genuine good connections take time to find.

A church playgroup was where I made friends. The whole point is that the mums talk to each other rather than focus on an activity. I also became a helper and helped to set activities up. It meant arriving early but I got 121 time with other helpers.

If you do get chatting to someone you can always suggest a trip to the park after

I have found friendships very hard as a sahm. In my experience mum friendships have been superficial and fizzle quickly once the dc are no longer in the same groups or schools. But older friendships aren’t always easy to keep up with dc in the mix - some friends were dealing with infertility and couldn’t bear to be around dc, and others just wanted to continue hard partying that I couldn’t keep up with.

One of mine has needed a lot of support after school and into the evening which is when other people have time to socialise, or take classes and course. My free time is in the mornings and once your dc age out of the baby groups, there’s only retirement activities. Even when I’ve don’t part time work and volunteered, it hasn’t evolved into deeper friendship because I can’t meet up in the evenings.

Agree - stick with your old friends. The friends you make when you first have a baby are very rarely the people you're still friends with years later. SAHM friendships are generally very superficial and short-term and not worth the effort. I clicked with a couple of people, but one I met in the pub when we were in there with our kids and the other was someone I kept bumping into at a tutor group thing and we were always in the waiting room at the same time, so we got chatting. I honestly wouldn't force it. Do classes and activities that benefit your DC and spend time with people who are real friends.

I feel you!! I’m the same I’ve made a few tentative friends via swimming but it’s been a long hual and I don’t feel like I have made any fast friends since relocating to a new areas!!

Whereabouts are you @ThisAmberSharkjust incase we’re nearby!!

I moved to a new area after having my first and found the app Peanut really good, I met 4 amazing women on there, two of which have the same age gap children as mine. Another I got close to is one of my neighbours as we were pregnant at the same time.

Also if you put them in pre school etc when they’re 3, even just for a few of the free hours you’ll then get to know some of the mums of children they could go to school with in the future.

How are things for you now? It takes time to meet your tribe. And to be fair, Ive never had a tribe- lots of individual mums I see on different days. Do at least one group/stay and play every day and you’ll start to find some