Awkward mum struggling

[MamaZo1301]

Self confessed awkward mum over here who just feels a bit bloody lonely to be honest.

I’m 28, and a mama to 7,5 and 2 year old girls. I always thought when I became a mum I’d ‘find my people’. I was extremely quiet in school, and still am to be honest, and because of that didn’t have any lasting friendships. I just find this whole process so lonely.

I crave mum friends, people to chat to, go for a walk or a coffee. I’ve tried apps, socials, I just struggle because I’m so blooming shy. Not really sure on this rant but I needed somewhere to get if off my chest 😞

Sorry to hear this
I think the expectations of finding a tribe are huge

Are you involved in anything outside the family? This helps, working together with others on other things, like an event or project helps.

How does your shyness show up?

Same here. Usually I'm pretty happy just concentrating on my own kids but it does sting when I see parents in groups chatting at the playground or at school drop off.

Similar here. I have friends with older children who have lovely groups of mum friends that they made on NCT courses. Where I live we don’t have these courses so there was nowhere to really connect to other parents expecting at the same time. Then once you have your baby it’s hard to make connections even at baby groups as everyone is concentrating on their baby.
I see groups of women with prams or toddlers and wonder how they became part of a group. I’m also fairly shy but I do try to talk to other parents at toddler and baby groups. I just don’t know how to make it into a social thing outside of the organised classes.

I definitely agree, there’s this ‘oh it’s a whole new world of all mums are besties’ and it’s just not the case!

Not majorly, and I work from home to suit the kids so I don’t have that anymore either.

My shyness is horrific lol🤣 I can talk and talk online but I go blank and have nothing to say in person. My conversation making skills are a 0

That’s definitely the case.
I’m so content with my life and my family I just lack the social interaction outside of them. I think as they’ve started to attend school etc I’ve grown more free time too

I didn’t have those groups available either so I know what you mean! My mum said they are where I’ll make friends and where she did but they stopped doing them 😒

It’s definitely harder that’s for sure!!

Use the Peanut app xx

I think the other thing is that there is an expectation that these other mums will become your village
Actually it's like colleagues
You are doing the same job in the same location ish.
You have to tolerate some of them

Does the school have a PTA? Could be a way in.., once you “know” a couple of people in the playground it’s much easier to walk over and say hi. Then hopefully they introduce you to the people they are standing with, or at least you “know” them enough to say hi to if you see them.

Hello- fellow very shy person here. I mask a lot at pickup etc. Noone would mistake me for an outgoing person but noone would guess how uncomfortable I feel either. I don't feel I have great social skills naturally and it's exhausting.

I chat to maybe 10 people at school pickup, and only one I would consider a friend, and two I would have a coffee with while our kids play.

My small number of friends are more outgoing. They fill up the quiet space in the chat. I think they like that I'm quieter 😁 and I don't mask as much with them as I genuinely like them and feel comfortable, though I still need an hour to myself after to let my brain recover.

I tend to try to think of things to say before I get to playground as my brain can freeze. Did you hear about this event coming up at local parl? What did (kid) think of the classes petting zoo visit? Etc and hope that the chat becomes easier after that.

I don't think you've anything to lose by trying. You might chat to 100 or more people til you find a person that's just easy for you to be with. Just consider the others practice for small talk. Start with mums of your kids friends or classmates as easier to have something in common.

OP if you are so painfully shy that you can’t speak to people then what does this whole friendship thing look like to you?
Do you picture a scenario where you are interacting and chatting and laughing etc?
because if so, it sounds like you need to do work on yourself first. Otherwise it’s not going to happen. Can you seek therapy to work on your shyness? If what you picture involves a version of you that presently doesn’t exist then you need to work on being that person first