Tips of overcoming low days as a SAHM

[Mumsworld112]

hi
I have 1 year old twin boys who I adore. Yes they are hard work, but their personalities make me so happy.
I have recently been having some low days, just days where I wake up thinking another chaotic day (they’re more mobile and a lot harder to handle now lol).

I try to go on outdoor walks daily and get some rest in their daily nap but I can’t shake this feeling of there’s nothing to look forward to. I am planning on being a SAHM until they’re 2 years old as DH is doing well financially and my parents can’t babysit them yet.

Any tips on staying positive and productive in this time? It’s not boredom as I don’t get a chance to be bored I just don’t know.

Do you get time with other adults? Does DH have them so you can attend a gym class or go shopping etc?

I’d re look at going back to work
look at part time hours - look at local nurseries etc
You presumably made the decision before the babies that you’d be a SAHM for two years - things / reality can change that and that’s ok

It's OK to come to the conclusion that long term SAHMing isn't the best for you. Pre kids I used to imagine that I'd be a SAHM and it would be wonderful (and challenging).

I honestly missed working so so much- I ended up back ft about 10m after each dc. I didn't enjoy SAHM ft. I found a great local childminder and dh and I shared drop offs and pick ups.

It might be worth considering whether you might be (on the whole) happier if you returned to work.

Have you joined a twins group? See if there's one in your area.
Mental stimulation and adult interaction are really important to help keep you going.
Have a podcast or radio 4 on in the background from time to time.
Keep going out for daily.
Do you get time to yourself on weekends?
Arrange things so you do.

Friends was the only thing that kept me sane in those times really.
That and getting out each day which you're already doing.

I used to try and have one group activity most days to go to so that I’d have adult interaction and the kids would have something different to do - toddler groups, soft play, library story time etc.

Do you take them to baby classes? When I was a SAHM I took my DC to baby gym, music classes, toddler group etc. They loved it and I got to chat to other parents.

What @JimHalpertsWife said. Being a SAHP suits very few people. If you’re regularly this unhappy, you’re one of the majority.

Long time SAHM, just wanted to offer support and solidarity (I’m firmly out the other side of the toddler / baby / preschool years and I miss it through Rose tinted glasses!).

Although so grateful for that time, The days were long, and exhausting and it was so hard not to count down to bedtime sometimes just for some peace, headspace and personal space. My advice to you is that you Need and Have to carve out time for you at the weekend. Tell your husband you need at least a few hours by yourself (preferably a whole morning or afternoon) with something you are looking forward to doing and go do it. Even if just a coffee on your own and make sure you stick to it. You’ll feel so much better for a proper break. Also tackle the chores and housework list at a weekend together, a house blitz between you for half an hour to tidy, strip the beds doing half each etc. your husband needs to help ease that never ending housework and mum burden that wears you down

(Also find a amazing series to binge watch or a great book, something you really want to read / watch etc during nap time or bedtime, something for you to look forward to)

and one more thing, make sure your husband books his annual leave regularly so you know in advance when it’s coming and when you’ll next get a block of time with continuous help, and that will give you something to look forward to. Use the bank holidays to take a whole week for less days. If you aren’t going away plan time off from the children for you to have a break and do something fun.

(BTW, I never thought I’d say this, but now my days are quiet and I’m actually bored! This too shall pass. I have time. The baby / toddler years were so incredibly hard and slow at the time but I look back and can’t believe they went so fast..)

I joined a choir as they had a creche! It saved my sanity at times (DH was away a lot).

I was a SAHM for 6 months (not a great one, but I tried!). I always planned something for the morning playgroups we went to three! Soft play then on Friday it was toddler sense. I used the afternoon to do a load of washing, clean one room and start on the evening meal. I was intensely lonely but by keeping busy I managed. I’ve done everything with my kids, worked part time, full time and stayed at home. It’s a hard on different ways!

Where have you got that from, have I missed that in the OP?

OP, have you started going to play groups / twins groups/ library yet? They really help build structure into the week.

I am a sahm too but my dc are a bit older now and at school. When they were younger I felt the same I had to really schedule in things to try and get some relaxation and something to look forward to (even if it was a nice coffee and snack on a long walk) . Now they are at school I have the daytime unless they have appts/are unwell and I’ve been starting to do some gardening and reading

I was a sahm when my kids were little, not twins though! The main thing that kept me sane was a structure to our week with various play groups, classes, going to the library, meeting friends in the same boat. I tried to have something on almost every morning, often just meeting a friend at the park for an hour was enough. Home for lunch and nap and then afternoons less structured, watch tv at home, play in garden, go for a walk, go to playground. Then it wasn’t that long til 5pm dinner time and then roll into bath and bedtime routine counting down til DH was home!

I also disagree that you’re not bored because you’re busy. You can still be bored! Can you consider your work options?

also if your parents can’t manage them now, but you’re expecting they will be able to at 2 - are you sure about that? A few hours is probably fine, but looking after twin 2 year olds all day is likely to be absolutely exhausting. I’m basing this on my own DS who was a lot more work at 2 than he was at 1!