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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

Original poster

Any advice on this conversation with work. Becoming a sahm

22 replies

1bub1pup · 25/02/2025 19:10

I have spent months stewing over this and I have another one to go before I am comfortable telling people.
I am pregnant with my second child and I plan stop working and become a SAHP at the point I would have gone on mat leave. Been a long time thinking about it even before I was pregnant but this is really what I want to do.
I feel so weird about how I am going to explain this to my manager at work. I want to give the ample notice so I'm not "handing in my months notice" but then saying I don't want to come back and then working here another 6ish months also seems so awkward.
I'm hoping someone on here has done this recently and can give me some ideas.
Everyone I know that's become a SAHP has quit on their mat leave but this seems dodgy and I will still need to regularly use my work for other services so I will be in there and see people all the time.

OP posts:
meganna · 25/02/2025 19:13

I would take the mat leave, even for a few months. Why wouldn't you? You would get paid and it wouldn't be awkward at all.

Plenty of people have a change of mind or circumstances on mat leave. It would be foolish to close all the doors just in case. You never know what's around the corner and I personally would be keeping my options open for as long as possible. Do you get enhanced maternity pay? Or just statutory?

Iloveeverycat · 25/02/2025 19:15

I don't know if it is still like this but if you say you are leaving work before having your baby you are not paid maternity leave pay as you are not coming back. I thought that is why people only let work know when they are near finishing maternity leave.

Waterlilysunset · 25/02/2025 19:16

You tell them at the end of maternity leave

Hiyawotcha · 25/02/2025 19:17

I went on maternity leave with my second at about 30 weeks (including all accrued annual leave) and told them I would not be coming back. Didn’t take the occupational maternity pay but was still entitled to the statutory maternity pay.

Original poster
1bub1pup · 25/02/2025 19:19

@meganna this makes sense. I get some enhanced , would I have to pay it back?

I just feel like if I know now that's what I am going to do it doesn't feel right taking the maternity pay as they are holding the job open for me.

OP posts:
Butterflysunshine01 · 25/02/2025 19:19

Tell them at the end of mat leave! It doesn’t have to be awkward, just say you’ve changed your mind at the end .

meganna · 25/02/2025 19:22

1bub1pup · 25/02/2025 19:19

@meganna this makes sense. I get some enhanced , would I have to pay it back?

I just feel like if I know now that's what I am going to do it doesn't feel right taking the maternity pay as they are holding the job open for me.

Check your maternity leave policy, it'll say how much you have to pay back if you don't return. You also accrue full holidays while you're off though so many places will allow you to use the holidays to be off while "back at work" to cover the time you need to work to avoid paying it back.

Don't think of it as being awkward, this happens all the time and employers will know that and not hold it against you.

LifeIsGreatForUnicorns · 25/02/2025 19:22

personally, I’d tell them at the end of maternity leave. Unfortunately, sometimes things don’t go to plan and you might want to go back. Don’t leave yourself at a disadvantage just in case. I always plan for the worse so I’m always surprised when things go well.!
on another note, sometimes people take maternity cover jobs in the hope that the person won’t come back … so you’ll be doing them a favour if you don’t go back 😃

Original poster
1bub1pup · 25/02/2025 19:30

Well I'm really glad I asked! Thank you all.

OP posts:
BendingSpoons · 25/02/2025 19:35

Check if you have to repay enhanced pay. You will also accrue annual leave on mat leave. You can hand in your notice for the end of your maternity. You might want to tell them early that you won't be returning and potentially that you don't want enhanced pay if you have to return that. Or you might choose to tell them towards the end of maternity leave e.g. a few months before you are due to return.

Row23 · 27/02/2025 06:33

Firstly check your HR policy regarding maternity leave and pay. If you don’t have to pay back your maternity pay then don’t hand your notice in until you’re on maternity leave. If you do have to pay it back then yes, it might be worth telling them you’re leaving before you have the baby.
However, when you’re on maternity leave you may end up in a position where financially you actually need to return to work, in which case it would be good if you could go straight back into your previous job.

redphonecase · 27/02/2025 06:35

Are you married? Don't bea SAHM if not.

PurpleThistle7 · 27/02/2025 07:17

You'd have to pay the enhanced bit back at my work if you're not back for I think 4 months after mat leave.

Love51 · 27/02/2025 07:26

Check the policy. Ours spells everything out clearly. If yours doesn't, ask your union rep. Enjoy your time at home!

Love51 · 27/02/2025 07:29

Also, don't feel bad about doing whatever suits you best. If it makes sense for you to return for a while, do that without any misplaced guilt or that you're acting unfairly. Your organisation wrote the policy, they wouldn't have done it if it didn't benefit them. You will abide by it.

NotAPartyPerson · 27/02/2025 07:32

Definitely take mat leave and then decide/tell them your decision. You'll get the statutory pay/annual leave pay anyway, and it gives you a chance to change your mind. Maybe keep any enhanced pay in a separate account in case you need to pay it back? If possible you could always have a discreet conversation with HR about what you'd need to pay back if you didn't return after mat leave.

NotAPartyPerson · 27/02/2025 07:35

I did a similar thing (although I had to be open with work that I wasn't coming back because I relocated). My mat leave came with a very small amount of enhanced pay (I think two weeks' wages) which I actually didn't have to pay back - HR seemed surprised when I asked if I needed to.

ParrotParty · 28/02/2025 10:18

Tell them at the end of mat leave. You will also be entitled to your paid leave accrued during Mat leave still. Check their policy on repayment before and put that money aside.

LoveBluey · 28/02/2025 10:22

Yes tell them once you're on mat leave (you can still give them a few months notice)

If you get enhanced pay keep it in a separate account and be prepared to pay it back if required.

Like others said who knows what may happen. If say your husband was made redundant you may be grateful of a job to go back to even for the short term. No harm in keeping your options open.

Mydustymonstera · 28/02/2025 10:23

Yes you don’t know if you might want to come back or do part time. Anything could happen. You’ll accrue leave too, which counts as time back at work at the end. Check how long you would have to return for, to not have to return the enhanced pay. Might be worth it.

Mydustymonstera · 28/02/2025 10:24

check Website pregnant then screwed to make sure you are clued up on your entitlements and obligations.

Whycanineverthinkofone · 28/02/2025 10:27

redphonecase · 27/02/2025 06:35

Are you married? Don't bea SAHM if not.

Even if you’re married it doesn’t guarantee support for life.

death, illness, divorce, all common and could leave you having to support yourself.

marries or not, don’t give up work unless you have plans in place that will ensure you are financially ok should the worst happen.

make sure you have a private pension set up and contributed to as well.

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