Struggling SAHM

[Clcxo]

I am a SAHM with two beautiful boys aged 18 months and 3 years but lately I have really been struggling with exhaustion and motivation. I am due to start working evenings to ease the financial pressure and it’s filling me with dread.

My partner and my parents think working and having adult interaction again will help me feel less lonely and more than just a mum. I know I need a life away from my children.

I had really bad post natal depression with my youngest and my anxiety has been pretty bad ever since. It took me a few months to even want to leave the house after starting on treatment for my PPD. I have overcome the worst of my depression now and I consider myself pretty active with planning activities through out the day. I’m just so exhausted all the time! My 3 year old is very active and can have some challenging behaviour and my 18 month old is just hitting the toddler stage. On weekends we also look after my partners son from his previous marriage. Sometimes it just feels like all I do is mum and now work.

My partner is a teacher and he is an excellent dad. He will always take over where he can and he has never once discouraged me from having some alone time but it’s just trying to find that alone time! I feel guilty for leaving him with both children after he’s been at work all day or all week.

I know all mums probably go through this but i’m just so tired! I find trying to keep up with the housework impossible! As soon as i clean up or put something away it’s been pulled out again! I feel like I am chasing my tail!

If someone asked me my dream day it would be to be left alone from 7-7 under my duvet.

Sorry I know this was a long post I just needed to vent to someone!

Is your 3 year old in pre-school?

Please don't feel guilty about handing the kids over to dad, he needs to do 24 hour parenting just like you do - he just gets to have a break from it whilst he's at work.

If someone asked me my dream day it would be to be left alone from 7-7 under my duvet

Your DH has got a couple of weeks holiday coming up soon. Tell him you need this and he can make it happen for you.

@LouisaPesel Thank you for messaging! My 3 year old is hopefully due to start during the spring term for 1 or two days a week funding depending. This should definitely help me feel less overwhelmed. Parenting with one child is definitely easier than two! You are right about my partner being off soon for half term - Maybe I will ask him for an afternoon off. The thought of a christmas film in bed without breaking up a toddler fight and tantrums feels me with great joy!

Hey, I have a 20 month old son and started working weekends not too long ago. On Fridays my sun is with family and then on Sundays (and occasional Saturdays) he’s with my husband. It’s great for their relationship to have that time alone together without my butting in trying to do everything my way!
Yes it can be tiring, yes I miss my son, but also those few hours a week working actually make me a better parent. Having that little bit of time in a different environment, talking to other adults about things that aren’t child related etc gives me a different kind of energy.
I hope you find that your work brings helps you feel better.

You can get 15 hours from 2yo so he should be eligible now unless your husband is earning over £100k?

Honestly, 3 mornings a week at preschool that costs next to nothing is an absolute game changer.

I'm at home with a 2.5yo and a 16mo, and while I enjoy SAHM I can totally understand how you feel.

Have you had a blood test? I'm also a SAHM and thought I was just exhausted due to a toddler but was also very iron deficient. Once I got that sorted I had so much more energy (despite no-more sleep).

Try not to worry about the housework. I'm learning that honestly there isn't enough hours in the day to make the house clean and sparkly, and1 often there are other now important things to do, like cook or take kids out to activities or places of interest, or give yourself a break and put some tv etc.

How much of the parenting of your step-son falls to you at the weekend?

Your DH needs to have some downtime at the weekends, but guess what? So do you. Honestly I'm not surprised you feel exhausted at the prospect of going out to work as well, I notice you're doing this when the children are asleep rather than at weekends when your DH would need to look after them himself. How many hours are you doing? Will DH be solely responsible for food prep, bathtime and bedtime on the days you're working?

Maybe I will ask him for an afternoon off.

Er no. You want a full duvet day, which either means he takes them out for the day, or you go somewhere else. And I suspect even if he did take them out for the day you'd find it hard to relax with having stuff to do. So in practical terms it should be somewhere else. Do you have a friend with a spare room or at least without kids, who might be out at work all day so you can take over the sofa?

Do you have both children all day every day? That’s tough. I have a 4 yo and 18 month old. If my 4 yo didn’t do his 15 hours a week at preschool i think I would be struggling a lot more!!