How do I schedule in time for myself?

[WhatTimeIsMeTime]

Hi there,
I've NC for this.
I'm a SAHM since 2020, when I became a mother. My DH is a high earner and I was a teacher. We can afford it and it was my choice (in case the disclaimer is needed).

TL;DR: as a recent mum of two with no extra childcare outside school hours, and a very hands on supportive DH who has a very demanding job (albeit from home), how can I have time for myself daily?

The whole explanation here:

I've recently had a baby and it has been intense. The baby is gorgeous and healthy and everything is fine in that regard. What I really struggle with is time and, specifically, time for myself. I'm also a writer and have a pretty substantial intellectual inclination, always needed and enjoyed alone time. I really don't have it now, although my DH bends over backwards to provide it for me. The fact is we are alone and have no form of chilcare outside from preschool: partly because we don't see our respective families much, partly because of my style of parenting (and my own trusting issues re hiring a nanny, for instance).
My DH started a new and very demanding job (from home, thankfully) and is very burdened himself with everything on top of his job. We have help with the cleaning.
But I always end up at nights without having had not even a moment to myself. I don't know how to do it. Recently we've been ill and I spent three whole days without even going out of the house.
I'm so slow and unable to focus and get things done! I'm frustrated because I feel pulled in all directions and I never seem to have a moment to collect myself.
Does anyone relate? Is this normal and temporary, due to having 2 small children? Or am I just missing something? If so, any advice?
Thanks if you've read it all!

Partly, I think this is just 'the way it is' when kids are very young. I had two under two and until the youngest started preschool at 2, it was pretty full on. Having said that, it is over very fast! In some ways I think you just have to embrace the madness for a while and know that your own life does slowly return. By the time they're both at school you won't know what to do with yourself! But it is hard I think if you've had a very full job and life before and suddenly it feels like you never pick up a book or have any 'thinking' time of your own.

Can you start by joining a class where there's childcare? Maybe yoga or an exercise class at a gym with a creche? Or get your DH to look after them one evening a week while you do an adult education class or something? Even just popping out for a coffee by yourself might give you a bit of breathing space.

Getting out of the house definitely helps too, even if you're with the kids. Could you do baby cinema with the little one while the older one is at preschool? Or even just take them both out but to somewhere you'd like to go and visit. They can enjoy a wander round and a buggy ride while you take in a bit of culture? Galleries and museums are quite good for this and most of them have little trails and sheets to fill in to keep a pre-schooler busy. Then you're kind of 'alone in your head' a little bit but don't actually have to source childcare.

I'm sure others will have ideas too. We've definitely all been there.

Thank you so much for your reply @PhlebasThePhoenecian 🙏 You've made me feel less alone, really. I'm glad to hear there's this universal component of my experience. None of my acquaintances is in the same boat: friends are either childless or have just one child and won't be having more; I joined a mothers "circle" for mums of two, but none of them are sahms so can't relate in some of the basics. I don't have a healthy relationship with my own family, so no support there either.
What I genuinely miss the most is being able to finish a line of thought, if that makes sense?
I will look at what you say: classes where I can bring baby, and going out more...
I honestly appreciate your words of solidarity 🙏

I had this certainly with my second as well, and no option for childcare due to covid. I did go back to work when my youngest was 18 months which gave me some time on the train etc.
The only thing I used to do that helped was when the baby napped I would get a tea and my journal straight away. Do housework etc when they are awake. Dont waste the nap time. I understand though that its not relaxing as you never know when it will come to a (usually screeching) end!

Gently but this is a 'you' problem in not trusting childcare etc. Your solution is to get a babysitter or some part time childcare.

Can you approach someone from the pre school to see if they want extra hours? Then you could have some childfree time.

Or ask DH to take them every Sunday morning until 11. You could get up early, go for a long, solitary walk, have breakfast in a cafe with your writing or a book then head home.

Otherwise I'm afraid I just can't see it happening.