2 year old being difficult

[TheRoseMoose]

I’m just looking to vent and maybe get some advice.
I’m a SAHM with 2 young kids, one being 2.5yrs and the other being a newborn.
My toddler has always been very hyperactive but manageable, but since we had our second baby, he’s become very difficult. He doesn’t nap, won’t sleep at night alone and doesn’t let me do anything at all in the day. I struggle to even go to the toilet without him wanting to tag along.
We used to go out in the days to get some steps in but even that feels impossible now, he’s gone from walking really well to messing around with his siblings pram and trying to run off.
The baby’s 9 weeks old now and he’s not calming down. He just doesn’t listen to me anymore. I’m at my wits end.
i feel like my mood is starting to take a hit. I feel like I’ve lost myself amongst all this parenting.
I can’t read anymore, can’t listen to my earphones, can’t speak to people on the phone, can’t use the vaccum or put the rubbish out or do general tidying of the house. Even cooking is stressful because he just plays with the oven or tries to grab everything off of me. We had gates to stop him getting in the kitchen but he can now open them.
He literally prevents me from doing everything.
He’s only ever happy when I’m sat down looking at him or playing with him.
I honestly feel like a bad mum, Like I’m not giving him the childhood I envisioned him having when I was pregnant with him.
I’ve even thought about going back to work just for the break but it wouldn’t make financial sense as I’d have to pay for 2 lots of childcare. My partner works full time and I have no family or friends around me as we moved away. The area I live in isn’t easy to get around to the playgroups or shops unless you drive which I don’t so I feel limited with what I can do. I’m just feeling so down with it all. When we do go out, I just look a mess where I struggle to even be able to put my hair up. I go out and see other mums looking all well kept and their little toddlers behaving nicely and I feel so jealous.
I’ve spoken to his HV and she just said to take him to playgroups. She didn’t seem to think walking for 50 mins to get there with two small children was an issue and that it was me making it a barrier that is stopping it from happening 😩
Sorry for venting I’m just really struggling and don’t know how to break this cycle.

Could you pay for him to go to nursery for a couple of mornings? Sympathies though as my two year old is the same. Plays with the cooker, climbs everything, plays with water etc, I can't get the hoover out. He doesn't want to go in the pram so I pull him along on a scooter but I can't do that for too long a distance. The only respite is two mornings a week at a nursery. I used to do loads of toddler groups but they are quite far. Only place that is easy now is soft play but I don't have a new born. Sounds like mine he isn't too long before he starts his 15 hours. Thank god. If it is any consolation I fall asleep on the sofa as he is non stop and no family nearby.

A fifty minute walk is far too far as well.

It sounds like our boys have similar personalities, mine was 17mo when his sister was born and he struggled in the same way.

Do you have a double buggy? If not, it is very, very worth having one. It will be your 'co-parent' - an effective way to keep everyone safe and enforce boundaries. It also helps you to get from A-Z without too much hassle.

Does the baby wake up later than the toddler in the mornings? If so, use that as quality time with your toddler, just the two of you.
If you give him 30mins focused time it might satisfy him for the rest of the day. Doesn't have to be the mornings obviously, could be when the baby naps.

At 2.5 I would just bin off the naps completely. The stress of trying to get them to nap isn't worth it.

I can’t read anymore, can’t listen to my earphones, can’t speak to people on the phone

I'm afraid this is just going from one child to two, say goodbye to those things for awhile, it's just not the season - you'll get it back in a couple of years. It's more painful trying to hang on to things like this. Ditto going to the loo on your own.

You are right in the thick of it now, it took me 6 months to really figure it out with two. You will get there! It won't be like this forever. Your son will get used to things. And you are not a bad mum!

One day, your baby will start sitting up, and you will catch them playing together for the first time and it is the best feeling in the world.

Is there any way you can learn to drive - is there a barrier to this eg medical? I would find my life v restrictive if I couldn’t and I live in a town with multiple softplays, parks etc but even then I get bored of them and need to get out of my town