Hobbies / interests

[overthepondmum]

I used to be really passionate about things before I met my husband and got pregnant fairly quickly.

I have a 5 year old and 2.5 year old twins but my husband won't give me any consistent time without the kids. He's taken them out for a couple Saturdays in a row and I was able to get back into yoga and reading at home but it was short lived.

He's not going to change and he told me I wanted kids so I'll have to wait until they're older to do things again.

During the day I'm always busy with house work, cooking or taking them to activities/playgroups. I feel so burnt out and exhausted by the end of the day. We don't have family or close friends that would watch our kids and my husband refuses to pay for childcare.

My husband works from home and is always around so I find it hard to do anything else at home.

How do mums with hobbies find time to do them? I don't want to wake up one day and have zero skills or interests besides cooking, cleaning and teaching basic maths & phonics.

Do you mean you had kids when he didn't want them?

I'd be a bit more assertive if I was you - I am going out , bye, back at 3 - it's on the Callander , every Saturday

And he can't refuse to pay for childcare unless he is depriving you of access to to shared money which is abuse

All funds are shared as you are married

He also wanted them but he probably shouldn't have had them - I was upfront when we started dating I wanted a family, he wasn't sure but never said he didn't.

I've tried just going out but I can't deal with him complaining about it and calling me when I'm out asking where I am and getting angry. It's suffocating. But maybe I should just get over it, ignore it and just go out.

That's a different issue but I don't have access to shared money. I'm waiting until all the children are in school to go back to work/retrain.

Husband is the problem but aside from that, do you have friends with kids similar ages? Can you do a babysitting swap, so you have their kids for a couple of hours and then they have yours? You’d have to decide if it’s worth having extra kids for a bit in exchange for some child free time.

Get the twins in nursery (assume 5yo is at school?). Hopefully you have access to the finances.

Go out once they’re all in bed? Not a hobby but I go do an evening walk around the neighbourhood a lot, love it even more now it’s dark and cold!

Would you be able to do a yoga class at a gym with a crèche? So you are taking the children "out" whilst he works at home, but getting a bit of time for you too?

Might you be better off without him? Sounds like he’d have to pay you more in maintenance than he does now.

So he is abusing you financially

And he is treating you like his servant to look after him and his family and isn't even giving you any time off ? So he is abusing you there too

Ducks in a row time

Yes. Trying to get through the next two-three years (if I can) - so I can exit and have a stable income.

A plan - that's sounds good

So it's how to get some time yourself - I wouldn't worry too much about having nothing - you will build other skills and hobbies easily when you can

Don’t wait.
Tell him you need your life back and are going back as soon as you find employment/a training course. He can like it or lump it.

What money do you have?

You would be better off splitting and claiming UC so they can help pay for childcare whilst you work and maybe do a hobby. I am guessing he earns too much for you to claim child benefit as well.

I would second this! Was surprised at how many gyms offered it :)

How does she pay for it if she has no access to finances?

@IVFmumoftwo presumably the same way she was paying for yoga? I assumed he was withholding finances for certain things (ie childcare) but workout classes/the gym might be different?

Sounds like there are a lot of issues in the relationship beyond time for hobbies. Personally I just did stuff like yoga and workouts at home once dcs were in bed. Also did most housework and batch cooking at night, so I didn't have to try to juggle doing it while looking after dcs. I'm a sahm but my dcs have gone to preschool p/t from age about 2.5, so I used that as my hobby time. We had to pay for that though, but we felt they benefited from the social aspect. I have no plans to return to work when they're all in school so I will have more time for hobbies and sport during the day.