Daughter staying over dads

[emsantana99]

Okay I just want to start by saying I don't value opinions that just say 'he's her dad'.

A backstory,
My daughters dad and I was together for 2 years, her dad experiences extreme night terrors, caused by PTSD. He kicks, screams, punches, tosses & turns during his sleep. Making this not exactly the most safe environment for our daughter to be sleeping in. We split when she was 7m old.

I have been staying in temp accommodation while waiting for my house to be finished, meaning my daughter has been co sleeping with me. She now will not sleep in her cot so when we move into her house I will get her back sleeping on her own, meaning if she stayed at her dads, they'd be sharing a bed also.

So my daughter is 15 months old - all of a sudden her dad has started to want her overnight, he has her for 1 day a week at the moment from 9:30am-11:30am, that's his choice, not mine. He cancels his Sundays ( he was meant to have her 9:30am-6:30pm, it happened once about 7 months ago and hasn't happened since bc there's always a reason he can't ) and he never cares about my plans.

I told him he can start to have her overnight when he has her more than 2h a day once a week.
I know he needs to learn & in the future he needs to have her overnight, but they need to build up to it in my opinion.

So moral of the story is he's told me if I don't let him have her overnight, he will not pay me anymore. I was going to let him have her tonight until he told me he's got her a fumes mask and they're painting his nans room tonight, that he's going to wake her up at 5:45 tomorrow morning 'because she doesn't need to be lazy' and that he's going to switch out her whole full fat milk to almond milk because it's 'more nutritious'.

My overall issue is his sleep problems.

Please I need some unbiased opinions on weather I'm doing the wrong thing by not letting him have her overnight just yet.

No, I would stand firm on not letting him take her overnight. It could be very distressing for her and not in her best interests.
I would bet there is a girlfriend on the scene and that is why he has suddenly decided he wants her overnight.

No, he absolutely should not have her overnight. It's not safe or sensitive to your daughter's needs. I think you might need to get a more formal arrangement via the courts if you want him to spend more time with her in a sensible way.

And, just as a side, oat milk has literally no nutritional value.

Oat milk wasn't mentioned.

YANBU OP, and I don't think you'll get any responses that just say "he's her dad". You're not preventing them having a relationship, you're saying that he can't go from not wanting her more than two hours a day to having her overnight. That's perfectly reasonable, and a reasonable parent would want to work with you to build up the contact he had with her first.

(You can't stop her going because he gives her almond milk though. It's not dangerous, she's not having it instead of formula, it's just not what you'd choose.)

Sorry, almond milk. Slightly better, but not comparable to whole cows milk. I have a baby the same age and wouldn't dream of swapping out a nutritionally dense food for an almost empty one (allergies aside obviously).

Anyway, I didn't mean to derail the thread I was just thinking it made him sound like even more of a fool.

Why does he actually want her overnight?

Either he is trying to upset you, or he understands nothing about looking after babies. Are you saying he wants to have your baby actually in the room is he is painting, while he is painting it?? But that's OK because he'll put a mask on her??
He doesn't really sound fit to have a baby for any length of time!