Being a stay at home parent... should I do it?

[meadowkoa]

Hi all,

I am looking for some advice from stay at home parents. I have an 8mo and am due back to work in 3 months. I have to return for 13 weeks as I got enhanced maternity pay. My mum will be caring for my daughter once I return.

I will be asking to go back part time however me and my partner have been talking about being a stay at home parent. I do not know any parents that do not work so was looking for some advice. I am dreading leaving my little one. We have a lovely routine at the moment of going to classes and playgroups so she is well socialised.

My partner works away a lot, sometimes coming home very late and staying out overnight so I really want to be present for her.

Please can some people give me some advice on the good, the bad and the ugly?! I want to be fully prepared for this journey should we take it.

TIA xx

Are you married? How are you going to fund your pension, would it be from a joint pot? Are you going to have a joint account where all the money goes into and you spend from there, or will you be given an allowance.

What happens when the child is older and at school, do you have a job you can easily get back into. If you were to separate for any reason, would you be able to afford to rent/buy somewhere on your own as child support is minimal, or would the plan be for your child to move in with the father?

With the father working away, do you have a good network of friends and adult company? Often people return to work after a year so the groups may not be as populated.

I think if you can sort out finances etc, and you want to stay home for a while then there’s no reason not to do it if it makes you happy. Just keep in mind what happens when the children go to school and eventually leave home and how you find your retirement, especially if you were to ever break up.

You say partner so I assume you’re not married? If not married then absolutely do not do this.

Having one stay at home parent definitely takes the pressure off the household in general. It’s also fun to volunteer for the school canteen or library or excursions. I was always jealous of the kids whose mum was around at school a lot so I wanted that for my kids.

It's not all lovely classes and daily routine being a SAHM.

It can be lonely, isolating, boring, mundane and diminishing.

It can very quickly turn sour.

I was a SAHM for a little bit (like an extended mat leave) and the best thing I did for myself and my marriage was return to work.

Life is generally a lot more expensive now and being able to live on a single wage is becoming unusual. You have to think of your future as well as your present.

If you're not married - definitely not. There's no legal framework to protect you, if you split, in that way that divorce would start from a 50/50 split. You will be losing out financially, in terms in income but also pension and career progression, without the safety net of a far divorce split. Go part time, and see if your partner can do the same - you need to protect yourself.

I was a SAHM for the first 6 years of my boys lives.
I am very lucky in that we had all the financial stuff sorted, my husband paid into my pension and we have one joint household account. I am also very lucky that DH is very hands on - so when he came home from work I could tap out (mostly) until they needed breastfeeding.

I loved being a helper at babygroups and other things around the village.
When they went to school I loved volunteering with reading and the PTA.
It gave me time to see family with the children.

For me, it gave me an opportunity to realise I didn't enjoy my career as a recruiter and I really really wanted to work in schools. So I went from volunteer to TA to Teacher - which is where I am now, its been hard to change but I have loved it.

However, there will always be people who judge your decisions no matter what you decide, there can be a sense of pity when people hear you are 'just' a stay at home parent. Good luck with whatever you decide, others are right, it isn't for everyone :-)

I'm a SAHM and couldn't recommend it highly enough. It's absolutely amazing.

I love being a SAHM and could sing it's virtues all day long, but you need to get married if you choose to do it.