Feel bored at home

[Crystallizedring]

I have only been a SAHM for 3 weeks but I don't like it. I'm so bored. There's only so much cleaning and cooking I can do. I take DS out every day for a couple of hours but due to his additional needs there aren't many places he can cope with, small park and animal farm are about the only two. Or swimming, if it's quiet.
I gave up work because DS is going to be on a very reduced timetable, due to EHCP being rejected (so appealing that). So it's not as if I can go back to work because obviously someone has to look after him.
I love DS to bits and know I'm lucky to be able to spend time with him but I still feel bored. Or perhaps it's lack of adult conversation, as I can't even take him to groups. I'm also worried about money, we can't really afford for me to give up work but I can't work because of DS and his needs.
I loved being a SAHM when my now teenagers were little but we didn't have money worries then
Can't talk about it with DH as he's working really hard (to try and make some extra money) and I think it would be really insensitive to moan about being bored or wanting to return to work when the situation is how it is.
Do other SAHP get how I feel? Can I get passed feeling bored? Am I missing something

I absolutely get it !! Absolutely

yes you do need to tell dh that is feels lonely you and gently tell him once your child gets their school hours sorted you are going back to work

don’t hold it all in, SEN parenting is very hard and Lonely. Are there any local support groups for parents in your area ?

First things first....
Are you getting DLA for him and Carers Allowance for you? That will take some of the financial pressure away.
How old is he? There are often home schooling groups that have daytime meet-ups that you could attend (some are more social than being an "educational" class - for example a lot of gaming cafes do home school meet-ups during daytime school hours). This will give you the social side.
Although as the summer holidays are about to start some groups might change and other activities start.
Is your local library or museum doing summer activities? I know one that does a Lego group once a week (essentially just kids building Lego) and simple craft sessions (making cardboard masks type thing). Could he do things like that?

Just how reduced is the timetable going to be? I don’t blame you. In my experience being a SAHP suits very few people longterm.

Can you do any evening or weekend work so that you get some other adults to chat to? I know that when my kids can make it into school and I can go to work it is really helpful. Otherwise I have to work from home with them here.

He's going to be starting on 90 minutes a day, he didn't cope very well with his settles so they might even reduce it to an hour and build up.
No interest in craft, reading, art or building. He is non verbal and will move away from other children if they invade his space. He likes being outside or playing on his own with dinosaurs.
I can't even do evening work as DH has committed to 2 months of overtime finishing around 9 in the evening. Weekends might be possible but when I suggested it to DH he asked when we were supposed to see each other or spend time as a family. He also reminded me that I did agree to give up work (as he earns more) but I obviously didn't think it would be like this.
I miss the friends I had when DDs were little but they all have older children and work in the day. I'm a bit self conscious meeting new people as I'm overweight and also an older mum.

Was he at nursery before this? What did he like doing there? Can you try to do similar at home?
Definitely try and find some SEN groups - even if you can't meetup with people having the support can be good.
By the way .....good people don't care about you being "overweight" or an "older mum" so don't worry about that.

Hi,
If your DS prefers places that aren’t too crowded maybe find a walking group for mums, or a forest school group (many have home ed or SEN groups they run)? Sort of leaning in to his interests/preferences but also giving you a chance to have some adult conversation too. Another option could be looking on the ‘meetup’ website for groups that would suit you?
I often meet up with my friends who don’t have kids, and my DS loves it, so is it possible to meet your previous “mum friends” who have older children and go on a walk with them? It doesn’t mean the friendships you made have to end because you now have a younger child.
PS being overweight and an older mum doesn’t matter at all, no one will care! Best of luck

IME you need to find your SEN support tribe. Sorry I know the term tribe is a bit twee, but nobody else gets it and it really really helps. Local is best but if you don't have anything local or don't want to look or don't know how to look, try the MN SEN boards.

It also is really important to have something for you which is separate from motherhood and feels productive. (And for me, social is important too). This could be as small as a hobby like gardening or creating content for an online game or blogging. It could be some kind of distance learning - OU is free for UK residents.

It could be that you earmark a time when DH is home (or the teenagers if they are able to look after DS) and ensure that he is always home at that time, and you go and volunteer, or join a social group, or a club, a gym/exercise/relaxation class, counselling, or do an evening course. Some of these things do cost money - I think it's important to earmark some funds to enable you to do things like this because it is protective for your mental health, though I appreciate that is difficult when budgets are tight.

I wonder if you took an an online course (something for yourself in an area you enjoy - it would break up the monotony) I know it’s hard when you have your child with needs - but it would give you motivation and something just for you ?

Can you do any courses such as OU modules or training that would help with work for when you go back?

OU is very expensive these days which is disgraceful when it was set up to help people who couldn’t go out to get an education.

I have a DD on a part time table. I am more used to it now, at the start I was very fustrated and angry at the change. She’s in slightly more now.
My only tips are to not go home when DC is in school. I always try and stay out and walk/listen to audiobooks/ go shopping etc. I think being out of the house helps.

I have some friends who work from home and sometimes I manage to see them during the day, not often though.

Definitely apply for DLA and carers! Will make such a difference if you are getting nothing. If you ring for the DLA paperwork it’s backdated to the day you request it, even if it takes months to be assessed. There’s a DLA thread for advice on here.

I believe in being quite low demand outside of school. If DC is happy and occupied I think that’s fine, building up to being in school will take a lot out of him and that’s the priority.

Im lucky I have a lot of hobbies I can get on with. 3 years on I’ve settled in to it, I’m hoping she is in more next year. I’d like to work but it’s just too hard finding something flexible enough.

Is the part time timetable you exercising your right to send DS part time until he is CSA or is it the school unlawfully imposing (and potentially unlawfully reducing it even further) it?

Could you look in to the home education world a little bit? There's a lot of kids doing home ed that don't qualify for an EHCP but can't cope with full time or mainstream school.

There's usually lots of local groups, support, and meet ups for kids (and parents) if you look for them.

Some children do flexible schooling (part time) so not massively different to your DS.

Just an idea for you to find some community.

This is a good idea for community, but OP should be careful about launching too easily into home ed if she is at the stage of fighting the ECHP because the LAs love it if you say you're home ed as you're off their hands then. If she wants to persevere with school place options, then she should persevere with that rather than getting too deep into home ed. Nothing wrong with exploring it of course (and home ed can also be fantastic) just to be aware of options.