Normal to be this exhausted?

[PixieBoom]

Husband has just gone back to work after 2 weeks off. He works from home, so he's sometimes available if I need a hand.

I'm a SAHM, my son is 21 months. I'm trying to take him out most days because lately we've been staying in and watching tv and I feel terrible about it. Ran errands on Monday, napped with him, took him to a group yesterday, ran errands in his nap.

But today I am physically, emotionally, mentally spent. Son wakes at 5am everyday, we share a single bed together as it's only way he will sleep through. Sometimes I'll go get my partner up at 6 or 7am so we can swap and I can get some more sleep.

Partner is really good around the house, usually cooks, washes up etc but has taken a back seat this week.

My question is, is it normal for me to be this exhausted or do I need to toughen up? I don't keep on top of housework, I don't play with my son all day, sleep could be worse, but I just feel like I can't keep doing this. Haven't showered in 3 days, I just keep prioriitsing sleep. Am on antidepressants and don't feel depressed, as whilst husband was off I felt fine, but the burden of responsibility seems to be weighing heavy for some reason.

Any advice appreciated, TIA xx

I've got a 21mo DS and he's got so much energy I'm knackered watching him🤣 I was like you, feeling so shattered all the time so eventually went to GP and been diagnosed with overactive thyroid. Is there a possibility that it could be health related? Do your antidepressants cause tiredness? It's still so relentless at this stage when they're running around but not great at communicating what they want. Solidarity op, I completely understand 😊

First rule put physical things - low iron, thyroid etc that have a fix. Then be realistic about the situation - if you have to co sleep can your DH go in the single and you in the double just to get more sleep. It is exhausting not sleeping.

Yes it is normal. Dp has been off work for 2 weeks so being much more hands on with our two and the housework and he has said going out to work is far easier than being a SAHP, and he has a physical job doing 12 hour shifts. It will get easier as your LO gets more independent. Did with mine til I got pregnant again!
No harm in getting some bloods done at the drs though to rule out any deficiencies etc. Take good multivit and try and look after your health.
I get through the day on caffeine though x

It sounds like you need some time for yourself. Does your husband take DS out on his own at all? Say at the weekend for a morning to give you a break? I think it can all feel exhausting and overwhelming when you get absolutely no time for yourself.

I think you should also share the early morning wakes (although I'm in a similar situation with this one unfortunately).

I do think 12 months to 3 years is a very tricky exhausting age though. I was pregnant with my second at that stage last year and we watched A LOT of TV because I wasn't able to do much else with him some days!

I doubt you are getting much proper restorative sleep in a single bed with a toddler, can you get a small double instead? You would probably feel a lot better if you just had a bit of space.

However, yes it does sound like you are more exhausted than maybe you should be - I would go to the GP and test thyroid, b12, iron, vitamin d x

It’s the sleep and also the age, they are pretty intense. I was brutally exhausted until DD was 3. DH used to take DD out one weekend morning so I could just have some time to myself. But it was impossible for either of us to sleep during wake ups because of the utter racket she made. PND also made me quite tired a lot of the time, the lethargy of depression.

You need a few days of being able to just go to bed and get a full sleep so you can reset a bit. Take him to softplay and let him have a good run around while you have a sit down. First thing in the morning make sure you are in full sunlight for a few minutes (this helped my mood). Definitely have your iron checked out too pregnancy can deplete you, I felt much better after an iron infusion.

What time are you going to bed?
Get a small double.

Why aren’t you showering? That is going to make you feel awful.

Can you afford three mornings a week in preschool once he hits two? They often place between 20 months and two. You need a break.

Also - even though dragging yourself out to groups seems like hard work when you’re on your uppers, you often feel better when you’re there. Why did your DH take a back seat when on leave? Because he was “on holiday”? Poor behaviour if so…

Worth getting checked out but I think it is exhausting at that stage. The co-sleeping / 5/am might not be doing any favours; when I moved my son out I slept better just through lack of his movement etc and I was able to get a more restful night.

structure the day with a timetable (flexible!) that includes some mental downtime for you ie places you go where you can be slightly less engaged or watchful. I definitely need recharge time throughout my SAH days!

Thank you, means so much to know I'm not the only one 🙏🏻 x

Thank you. Had all my levels checked and they're fine, but you're right, think not having solid sleep is a factor x

Good shout with the multi vit, my diet isn't great 🫣 thank you x

I think that's the issue, even at night I don't get to rest properly. Partner doesn't drive so is limited to where he can take him but I'm sure he could
Take him for a walk for a bit x

Yes, the few days of sleep would definitely help. My husband is always happy to do nights but my son won't sleep unless he's holding my hair 🙃 but maybe if hubby gets up when my son gets up that will help x

I tried to go to bed at 8 last night, but my son got up, resettled him, put him in his bed. I can't sleep because I know he's gonna wake up at some point so I'm just waiting for it.

The shower thing is I seem to panic that I've not had enough sleep. So for example yesterday k needed to wash my hair, was gonna do that before bed, bur son woke up, by the time I'd settled him I couldn't bring myself to do it x

I don't think he'd cope at nursery he's very clingy. I did have him singed up but couldn't do it.

Hubby has taken a back seat since back at work, as he says he's exhausted too. I do struggle with that because I think you're not running around after a toddler all day 🙃 x

This is a good idea, even just standing outside for 5 mins helps x

Have your shower in the morning when you have (hopefully) more energy. Or at any time when hubby can watch baby. As pp said you will feel awful not showering. Get hubby to mind baby every day so u can have a LONG shower. You need it for your mental health xx

You should be eligible for 15 hours a week once he turns two honestly its a life changer. Start looking around now and visiting. You can do a gradual settle in process.
As for partner relaxing on days off because he's been working he needs to understand you are working too. The only thing that made this hit home for my dp was me being bedridden with the flu and he had to do everything apart from breastfeed the baby.
You deserve some time to yourself just as much as he does.

Please please please consider the implications of being a SAHP when you're not married (assume not). It's very high risk, you have no financial protection if the relationship ends. In your shoes I'd get baby into nursery ASAP and get some work.

It can be normal to be exhausted but none of us really know just how exhausted you are. Bear in mind that covid (and other viruses) can cause post viral fatigue which can lay for months or years. 2 million people in the UK are suffering with the after effects of a covid infection and you could be one of them.
Covid also depletes certain vitamins like B12 so taking extras vitamins is definitely a good idea. Make sure you are getting enough iron too as even mild anaemia can cause fatigue.
Basically, do as much as you can to boost your health and rest whenever you can. Do as little housework as possible and don't feel guilty about it. Best of luck.

If I was waking up at 5am every day I'd be exhausted too. Can you try to shift him towards a later bedtime?

I think you have a DH problem here.

When we had a similarly clingy toddler, DH often slept in his bed and I slept with DS in our bed. So we all got some sleep.

DH also took his share of the 5 am wake ups from day 1 - when he was workig, when he was SAHP, when I was SAHP etc.

it's ridiclous he can't find something to do with your DS for a few hours on a weekend - get a bus or a train, go for a walk, visit a family member... whatever.

The clinginess is an issue too but I thknk you're making a mistake not putting him in nursery. You can ease him in and it's a great way to start getting him out of that habit of being with you all the time.