Filling the days

[belindabunny]

I am a SAHM to 2 boys, I didn't earn enough working to cover childcare so it never made sense to go back to work. I find it so hard to fill the days - we go to playgroups in the mornings (normally up to 2 hours), and out for a walk/to the park in the afternoons (again up to 2 hours), but there is still so much time to fill (only one still naps and neither qualify for free childcare yet). They end up having so much screen time because I just run out of ways to entertain them when we're home. Any 'playing' can only last so long!
Just wondered if anyone had any suggestions/advice for how to fill 12 hour days with toddlers?!

And then I guess my follow-up question to SAHP to toddlers is how do you stay patient and sane?!

I have 2 children they are 3 and 5. When they were both at home all day, youngest now does 15 hours a week at nursery and oldest does a full day, I ran my home like a nursery. I had to otherwise I would have gone mad. I had set times for meals, snacks, reading, messy play, song time, crafts, free play. I also went to cheap baby groups, pre and post covid, almost every day. Don't get me wrong I want particularly ridged but I needed some sort of structure. When the youngest naped I would spend quality time with the eldest. However, on reflection I think I should have made that quiet time so I got some peace.

I think to stay sane you need time where your not mum and not responsible for others. I used to hid in my car and read when their dad got home. Honestly just 30 mins helped. I wish I'd insisted on more free time or had a hobby. I still only go out about once every 3 months and it's really not enough. You need to priorities your own wellbeing.

Also, I know it's may not be cost effective to work and pay childcare but I've been at home 5 years. I'm practically unemployable. I've applied for part time jobs and I'm not even being offered an interview. Ill have to start at entry level or minimum wage jobs. The longer the gap the harder it is. In the meantime my H has has several pay rises and has also been paying into his private pension. I really wanted to go back to work much earlier. I think it would have helped me stay sane and maintain a sense of self.

If you want some messy play ideas let me know the kids ages and I'll try to suggest stuff.

We did a lot of play with edible stuff. Cereal works well.

Try to have a timetable of activities eg Monday - library
Tuesday - toddler group ect
I would try to do something out the house every morning. Like the previous poster has a daily schedule out in the mornings, home, lunch, nap, wake up, activity at home (can just be playing), snack, read books, activity, sort washing, TV while you make dinner.

Look for church toddler groups, library singing or story group, maybe one or two paid groups depending on your budget. Local council soft plays are often cheap. Join a local facebook Mum’s group and ask for places to visit.

By the time my DD2 was a toddle we were in lock down so I had an afternoon timetable too.

Mon - painting
Tue - disco afternoon

Have a look at the 5 min Mum book but check the age range is suitable.

Play dates with your friends or new mum friends and their kids - getting bus there not driving - reading books, park, write a time table out.

Have a look at Becky's Treasure Baskets on insta, loads of ideas for low effort stuff. Also 5 minute mum.
Maybe write stuff on post-its and pick one or two for each day.

I liked getting a big towel on the bathroom floor, bowl of water and water play, see what toys sink/ float. Duplo, shopping centre mooch, toy picnic, painting, cornflour goop, get plastic plates or blankets out and sort cars by colour. It is tedious but it won't last forever.

Meet up with fellow mums even if you're not feeling sociable!

Before mine started nursery (and still now regularly on non nursery days) I relied on play dates. A network of mum friends with similar aged children is a lifeline.

The kids entertain each other and I get to sit on my bum, drink a cup of tea, and talk with another adult. It only works with some friends and I've learnt which toddlers clash with each other and which don't. It doubles your stress if they don't play well together.

Otherwise, I agree with PP that you have to timetable yourself. Chunk up the day. Some tv time isn't the end of the world but I would schedule it in where it's of best use to you.

For me I avoid it in the morning and focus on playing at home, a leisurely breakfast, and getting ready to head out for an activity: park, duck pond, museum, play date, swimming etc. I like most of the morning to be out and about. Home for lunch.

While one naps and the other doesn't, this might be a good time for some calm tv time as it gives you some peace to have a rest and also your older child will need a bit of down time even though they're not napping. I like to save tv time for the afternoon when I'm low on patience I really need it.

The afternoons are long and I still prefer getting out to staying in. Even if it's just for an hour. We can walk to our local library and I find that a good afternoon activity compared to more energetic morning outings. A walk to the shops together is a good one too, even if it's just to pick up a loaf of bread and milk.

Toy rotation helps a lot with playing at home, and when I'm really desperate I'll get the sand tray/water tray out.

Thanks all for your very helpful suggestions. I definitely think I could structure my day/our activities more when at home. My boys are 2.5 and just turned 1, and like I said we do go to lots of groups and spend lots of time outside. I guess my problem at home is that most activities - singing nursery rhymes, reading books, making music, playing with a ball, helping mummy clean etc. do only seem to take up 5 minutes. I haven't done much messy play so any ideas for that are very welcome. Thanks again, it's been reassuring reading your replies too.

It might help to think of ways to expand the play. So playing with a ball won't occupy much time. But building a marble run will. You can find them second hand online or even collect kitchen roll and toilet roll tubes and tape them together to make your own. You can make them with balls that are big enough not to be choking hazards.

I keep a box of recycling always handy and now and again we'll build something with all the junk. Usually garages/parking for matchbox cars (my son is the same age as your oldest). Have a look online for ways to extend ball play etc. These play extensions are called play schemas and you can find lots of good ideas online.

My son likes pushing toy cars down ramps and we can easily pass an hour building ramps with strong pieces of cardboard that I've saved up. Just cardboard and sellotape. But if I just put out some plastic ramps the play might only last for 10 minutes.

He loves diggers and dump trucks so I'll put different materials in a tuff tray for him to dig and tip: various kinds of pasta/rice/lentils, play sand, rocks and shells we gathered at the beach, shredded paper etc etc.

Some days we also do an extended bath time and make a bit of an activity out of that. Foam letters and shapes to stick to the tiles, various cups and containers for filling and pouring, vehicles and boats, Duplo, anything that makes bathtime more special.

I had this problem during lockdown when mine were toddlers, the days seemed so long. I found it helpful to block out the day and with each 'block' we'd change room and do a different activity, or go outside, tire them out and and then come in and do something cosier/more relaxing. Some ideas:

-Daytime bath: let them play in the water for ages with bath toys, or even pots and pans, sieves etc to play with the water. I used to do this especially after being outside if the weather was cold.

-Build a fort out of cushions etc, then sit inside and read stories. If you have a yoto or toniebox even better as they might sit in for a while longer themselves and listen while they draw, colour etc

-Jigsaw hunt: hide the pieces of a jigsaw all around a room, or even in a few rooms. Then they hunt to find all the pieces and put the jigsaw together... takes up a fair bit of time. Mine liked to hide the pieces for me as well, and would take ages to find hiding places. If they're too young for the jigsaws to have many pieces you could even hide a few different ones at a time.

-Cleaning/cooking: Sometimes I'd just get on with housework and give them a 'job' to do like finding all the socks in the laundry basket, or give them a spray bottle of water and a cloth and let them clean the surfaces or the windows. Mine also loved 'helping' when I'd make lunch, dinner etc, I'd just give them those child-friendly knives and get them to chop up bananas or whatever

-Small world play: build houses/towers for little toys out of blocks or duplo. I sometimes showed them a picture of a particular structure/shape and asked if they could make one like that as it kept them focused for longer if they had a challenge.

-Playdoh/ crafts: again, I found they'd play longer if we had some pictures of shapes they could try to make, then I'd guess what they'd made. We had a pack of animal playing cards so sometimes they'd pick a card and try to make that animal. Could do the same for drawing or painting

-Dance party: turn on music and get them to play musical bumps or musical statues when the music stops, even if there's only 2 of them, it tires them out (and then you can watch a film or something afterwards)

-Role play: I'd read them a story about a restaurant/vet/doctors/shop or something to get interested and then we'd set up our own one and play for a while, taking turns at the different parts ie shopkeeper, customer, robber. Setting it up killed some time and so did putting it away. Very handy if you have some dress up, even a few bits, and accessories like a till or a doctor's kit to bandage up the dolls and teddies.

-Toy rotation: sometimes I'd set up/hide a few toys in each room, so we'd go exploring to see what toys we could find in one room, play with them for a while, then after 20 mins or whatever, move to another toy in a different room for change of scene. For this I'd really just follow with a cup of tea and feign surprise 'oh how did that get in here? Let's see what else we can find' etc

Not sure if you have a garden but I found certain toys a lifesaver as they'd go on them repetitively with no input needed from me - the 'step 2 up & down roller coaster', could be used inside if you've no garden. Sandpit was (still is) very popular here and they'd spend ages in it by themselves, again you could have this indoors. Same with swings.

Hope some of this is helpful! If I was feeling cabin feverish I tended to just bring them out for a walk as I could never face more than 3-4 hours at home! And then I wouldn't feel guilty about watching a bit of tv with them when we came back

when my 3 were younger I would do theme weeks so for example farm week
we would go to a local farm attraction, get out the happy people farm, read any farm themed books we had, watch farm themed episodes of kids programmes, make cotton wool sheep, colour in farm themed pictures, mini carrots and houmous for snacks, bake a farm themed cake or biscuit. Make tractors out of tissue boxes etc go to the supermarket and pick some new and soffeeent fruit and veg to taste.
gives a bit more structure to the week, gets out toys you may not play with often and gives you a starting point to think about activities wtc

other themes could be space, pirates, transport, under the sea, dinosaurs etc.

I used to find running errands could take up most of the morning - walking down to the shops, going in and out of different ones, looking at dogs or other children, saying hello to shopkeepers and friendly passers-by…

Apologies, I just see your younger child is only one! Some suggestions are too old for him then like the jigsaw idea but he might enjoy 'helping'!

https://playhooray.co.uk/blogs/news/taste-safe-messy-play-ideas-for-babies

This might help to start.

I got little diggers on amazon and put rice crispys on a tray and let them dig.

I made jelly with toy dinosaurs inside and they had to find them.

I made edible mud and we played with our farm animals in it.

I did painting with a fruit pouches

I did cornflour and water mix it's very strange.

I made coloured spaghetti with food dye

We played with whippy cream and pretended it was snow.

Honestly I hate mess. I don't find messy play fun at all but the kids love it.

They also love to craft. Anything with glue, paint and glitter.

Love this!

Don't beat yourself up for screen time. My two are very bright and the both play educational games on my tablet or watch CBebbies.

I work FT but our childcare is closed 6 weeks per year.

Our days are structured in that there are two activity periods.
Morning's are almost always "out"

Get up and ready: get up, get dressed, brush teeth, eat breakfast
Morning activity: playground or a class... In summer we do the local splash park. I spin it out until 11.30 however I need to
Lunchtime: cook and eat or picnic if out for a while

Nap time: everyone gets a rest* *

Afternoon activity: i do combo of run errands, go food shopping, bake, potter in garden, visit a friend, some TV, playing games, do some household tasks and DD helps (laundry, tidying)
Dinner: cook and eat
Evening: independent play, bath, milk, teeth, books, bed

My 21m old Loves "cooking" that takes up a good hour (30 mins for lunch and dinner)

I loveeeee the idea of a theme week though... Will totally do this next time i have a week off

@belindabunny my DB is a well regarded/ "known" educational specialist... He rates cbeebies and miss Rachel which is good enough for me 😉

Sorry to hear that about jobs, it's grim. I came on to say that part time jobs are probably harder to get than full time ones as there aren't many and loads of people want them.

You could try a full time one for a bit to get back in the game (you could possibly even try temping then it wouldn't be for too long to begin with!)

I was a sahm for 6 years, am now trying to freelance after a lucky break with some work a previous boss got me started.

I am quite lazy with organising activities at home, but then we have plenty of places to visit so I prefer to do as much out of the house as possible. I do a morning activity every weekday, then stop for a play and lunch out (brought from home), then we have an afternoon class or group, time in a park or soft play etc. We get home in the afternoon and then they play independently just with whatever toys they have, while I sort dinner and chores etc. I don't set anything up for them - they do messy play at messy play sessions, craft stuff at art classes, sports stuff at the leisure centre etc.

We are out of the house from 8.30am-3pm which helps to avoid having too much screen time or messing up the house. In the current weather we have a lot of the free time indoors (libraries, soft play, children's centres, museums). But it's invaluable having taught activities at this age because it uses up mental energy so they need rest time at home - music classes, art sessions, gymnastics, football. And going to a different place every day of the week is good, because it takes mental energy to adjust so that tires them out and stops the routine getting boring. I alternate between different libraries, children's centres, soft plays, museums etc too.

Mine is 13 almost 14 months. I try to involve him in as much as possible in the full acceptance that things will be slow and will not run smoothly. So simple things like loading the washing machine, making breakfast and doing some baking and then sweeping up after. That takes us a good chunk of the morning. Then it's out with the dog for a walk for an hour and a half. Then we make and eat lunch. Then a class or group, a trip to the park, a coffee shop, the library, the local garden centre, some arts and crafts, soft play, a play date, the local museum, the local science museum, the supermarket to get shopping in, the local community farm or an open farm, trip to the beach, sensory or messy play, a bath, the swimmers, time in the garden finding things.

Truthfully I find it hard to think on the spot and I find it much easier when I've a plan for the week that goes along with the weather forecast.

Also just to say op, free play is massive for development and helping kids get creative in curing boredom. You don't have to be putting on activities every second of every day. Mine is usually quite happy pottering around with his toys and we normally only make a big point of being out if he's in bad form otherwise it's just a really intense day for me! And Miss Rachel is great for short periods! The studies on screentime actually have quite a high threshold, think children watching for hours and hours at a time every single day and not educational things with actual human faces.

Screenfree sahp to two full time here. Briefly tried a CM for my toddler but decided I'd rather have them both with me. If you need inspiration then educational websites have examples of activities you can do with toddlers, as do places like nature charities eg woodland trust. I do a mix of park/woods, paid for play sessions where I join in the activities, traditional play at church groups, free library music groups and national trust, plus occasionally playdates with other mums and little ones.

@belindabunny Can I also recommend having a look on Pinterest for toddler activities, it is bursting with ideas of things to entertain children. Like Change we had a rough schedule and used TV for when I was tidying up after painting or any messy play. Nothing wrong with Cbeebies, it is designed for young children.

My boys are almost 4yo and 1.5yo. 4yo is at preschool 3 days a week now, but my DH often works weekends so it can still be 5 days a week at home with both boys! Our days are often a bit different but our general schedule is as follows:

7am - wake up, books in bed, teeth, wash, get dressed (and into onesies otherwise day clothes end up covered in porridge...), breakfast
8-8.45am - free play time, usually magnetic tiles or megabloks at the moment (they choose), or play doh. I do my morning chores during this time so they can either entertain themselves with play or help me.
8.45am - alarm goes off for tidy up time. It is mostly me doing it but they help (my eldest was much more helpful at 2.5yo than he is now), straight away shoes on and out the door. If we don't get out the door immediately, the TV ends up turning on and then we all turn into sloths and the screaming and fighting begins.
9am-12pm (ish) - morning activity which is usually outside as my two fight like crazy indoors but are best friends when playing outside. Forest school 1-2 days a week, trips to national trust grounds, but often just playing on the driveway/in the garden or a walk to the park or woods. If we are staying home, outside stuff we like includes water play, pavement chalk, magnetic tiles on the garage door, window crayons, 'washing the car' (with spray bottle and cloth), watering the plants, 'cutting the hedges' (with kitchen tongs), moving stones from one pot to another, riding scuttlebugs/balance bikes, racing toy vehicles down the driveway, getting plastic animals covered in mud and then 'giving them a bath' in a bucket of warm water, pushing baby dolls around in prams)
12.30 ish - lunchtime, followed by 'sensory play' or arts stuff if at home (usually play doh atm, sometimes gloop or tipping and pouring/scooping activity with rice/lentils/water, painting when I feel brave, drawing when I cba) - once they get bored with that they can help me wash up from lunch or play. If we are still out then they just run around.
1.30-3pm - nap for youngest, rest time for eldest. Rest time is doing whatever he wants as long as it is restful and quiet - he usually does some role play/small world play, some sticker book or cutting stuff up, and spends some time reading books with me. When he was 2.5yo it was usually listening to audiobooks and cuddling up in a dim room - but he was a sometimes napper at 2.5yo so we were still approaching that time as hopeful nap time back then I think. (If we are not at home for nap/rest time, little one naps wherever and quiet time usually means we'll stop for a coffee/hot chocolate break and chat, or I might pop some music or audiobooks on my phone (he has headphones) for him)
3pm - afternoon snack followed by afternoon walk, I try to keep us outside for an hour at this time because as soon as we get home it's screen time
4pm (ish) - TV time. Sometimes I can get away with them listening to audiobooks instead but 99% of the time this is TV time. They don't really like the same TV shows atm (except Bluey) so usually one of them ends up helping me prep dinner in the kitchen for at least some of the time. They usually play with duplo or something while they watch
4.45/5pm - dinner, bath, PJs, back downstairs to play
6.45pm - tidy up time, bedtime milk/snack, teeth, wild-play with DH, books
7.30pm - sleep!

God knows why I've gone into so much detail, sorry about that! I just know I would have found this helpful in the past! I've found our routine really works for us and has made such a huge difference to how stressed/happy I feel.

@salamithumbs has excellent suggestions that I forgot about; dance party, fort building and a daytime bath were my go-tos when they were both younger and I felt overwhelmed!