My DH and I got married in April. Mind you our relationship has been a total mess we had our first baby and then we got baptized and married right after.
Before we got married “we” decided to refrain from sex and wait till we were married which was hard because we were going backwards. I was impressed by his/our self-control.
So fast forward to it being June and I find out he has a porn addiction. Which ticked me off because he would say how he didn’t understand how people who watched porn. That turned into me asking for all his passwords as he has been very secretive about his social media and OMG. I found out some foul stuff. He was buying prostitutes or inquiring, he says he never met up with them. He was installing and uninstalling Snapchat and tinder when he was going to be around me. Was sending his wiener and getting nudes from various “women.” He slept with 5 different women in the time we’ve been together and one woman since we were married.
ALL WHILE I FOUND THIS OUT I FIND OUT IM PREGNANT. Like dang.
This baby was conceived the night before or night after he had sex with another woman unprotected. 🤮
I’m so pissed. He has made some major changes but I can’t help but feel not on board. He wants me to see his effort but his effort ticks me off because it was stuff he should’ve been doing to begin with.
I resent him for the fact that I wouldn’t have married him if I knew who he was behind closed doors. I feel disgusted and the weirdest part is I’m overcompensating feeling like dog poop by having random sex with him and it just feels dirty and disconnected. I have grown to quite hate and resent him. I think the worst part is the fact he was blaming me for the last 2 and a half years for our problems all the while he’s been disgustingly dishonest and terrible towards me.
Trying to find a therapist because I’ve bottling this. Thank you for letting me vent! It’d be cool if there was someone out there who had a similar experience.
I don’t know where to go from here.
I really don’t want my kids to have split parents. I already have a different coparent for my eldest and it’s a mess. I don’t want that again.
Is it even possible to get through these very strong hate/disgust feelings?
Why do people do this to people they say they love? It doesn’t compute.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far. Much love!