I think your going to get polarised views on this. I'm definitely in the nursery / child minder camp as I think you do your child a disservice and yourself one way if they don't go. That's not saying some children wouldn't be fine (you'll definitely find stories of children that were) but it's basically a habit and their view of a normal day.

I believe that by exposing this to school type settings earlier you are preparing them. The few primary school teachers I speak to always say you can tell the kids that didn't attend nursery.

They say it take a village to raise a child. When did that mentality change?

The problem you’ll have is that the other 3/4 year olds will start nursery and they won’t be at the toddler groups/library as much. My oldest didn’t start any childcare until 3.5 but for most of the last year she was often the oldest at the groups we attended. It’s good for them to be around peers and get used to attending things without their parent/main caregiver.

In my experience across my three kids the “best” setup we had was Mon-Fri morning pre-school from 3years. Because it’s ever day, they get into the routine quickly and it’s a short day so you still get lots of time together.

So she had a meltdown at being left with your parents once, don’t overthink things! I personally think preschool at 3 is really good, both socially and as prep for the routines of school, and that toddler classes aren’t any sort of comparison, especially as you’ll probably find the numbers of 3/4 year olds drop because they’re mostly in nursery. Starting school was an absolute breeze for mine because she went to the school nursery so knew the building, most of the kids in the class and her teacher.

When my DS started school you could very much tell those that had been home with a parent VS those in nursey / preschool. Those who hadn’t done anything struggled with the structure, fell asleep all the time and drop offs were hard (being prised away from their parents), I think you’ve got to think of as it as your DC has spent all their time with the circle of people they know, they don’t know school… your dropping them off on the first day with the expectation they will spend 5/6 hrs without you. They’ve never ever done that before, ever.
you will be entitled to the 15 free hours at 3 if you aren’t working…. So id look at a pre school setting.

I’d definitely use the free preschool hours at (hopefully) the primary school she will attend. If you’re a sahm you’ll have no problems with the timing as they’re usually 3 hour sessions.

I think it helps prepare them for school and mine always loved it. Plus I was more than happy to have the break from them, especially as they don’t normally nap at that point so it’s a long day alone with a small child.

Once they turn 3 it benefits kids socially to go preschool or nursery and prepare them for how the school day runs. Teachers always say they can spot the kids that didn't go to preschool/nursery.
I was a SAHM and DS then went mornings from 3 which was perfect. She might take a little bit of time to settle but that's not unusual.

I only saw this as it came up in active so I'm probably not the person you want to ask as my DC have been in nursery since they were babies.

My eldest has started primary school this year and I've been really surprised at the extent of the literacy and numeracy work they've done this year - she knows all her letter sounds, can sound out simple words, do simple addition and subtraction. I think if you want them to be able to access the academic side of the curriculum then it will be easier for them if they're used to something like a school environment.

I don't think the academic side of things is the be all and end all at this age btw, but you don't want them having to catch up either.

As well as her private day care nursery, she did a year at nursery school that I think would have been particularly valuable if she'd been at home. It would give your DC practice at playing in groups, settling their little differences without an adult immediately in reach, simple things like lining up to take turns or go to the playground, using the loo independently etc. Invaluable IMO.