Making mum friends

[theleavesfall]

I'm a SAHP. My DD has started at Reception a few days a week.
I only see the other parents at drop off and pick up, briefly..
DD and I are together for the time she's not in reception and she goes to sports one morning, we go to museums, playgrounds, craft activities, cafes for lunch out treat etc.
But I'm lonely and would love to make a mum friend.
I don't have family close by and have been a SAHP since DD was born.
DH works full time so we do family stuff at weekends.

DD talks of friends or ones she's played with in reception but how do I take this further to a play date?
Feel like I don't want to come across as desperate.
Help!

Take up a hobby or volunteer. You are much more likely to make friends via shared interests.

You arrange a play date with the mum of your child’s friend and suggest she stays for a coffee. It’s not desperate, it’s how connections are made. I second the volunteering suggestion & if you volunteer in school, you’ll have more opportunity for interaction with other parents. Good luck and don’t overthink it.

I want to make friends with some of the mums at the school, rather than just volunteer elsewhere.

I'm trying not to overthink it. I'd really like my DD to have a friend as well outside school.

Just feels like it's much harder now we have moved from family and friends.

Hey OP another stay at home mum here who has just moved. The best advice I have gotten is "talk to everyone" . It has taken a year and I have started making friends -some of them at school, some neighbours with kids, some mums with kids about my age but who looked cool at the school gate or playground. A smile and a question and a "hi I'm new" go a long way. Literally start a chat with everyone. Good luck

Is there anyone at school that she did baby classes or toddler groups with? I’d start with them as you’ve already got a bit of an existing relationship. Begin comments like “haven’t they grown since xyz! How are they finding reception?”

Are there opportunities to volunteer at school ie Forest school, reading etc? You might meet other parents who are around during the day there too.

Sorry mums with kids about my sons age *

Does the school have a pta? If so volunteer for that! It’s a great way to meet people who are open and want to be involved in stuff.

I haven't spoken to many people at the school gates, I don't know how people make friends in these circumstances as everyone is busy at school drop off or pick up getting to and from work etc.

All the friends mine plays with who are not already my friends are from our road because we all say hello and many of us have children the same age.

This could be helped by the fact I don't drive so meet people on the walk to school where you have longer for a chat and the children will speak to one another on the way home.

Unfortunately no other children walk to school.

The PTA is for the primary school , not really reception parents.

Some of the PTA parents may have a child in reception as well as one in the main school.

Have you tried Peanut? It’s sort of like ‘mum tinder’… basically you set up a profile and swipe on other mums in your area and you can get in touch with the ones you like and chat. I’ve genuinely made a long term good friend from when our babies were tiny and they’re both now almost 3.
I know it sounds a weird thing but I’d definitely recommend giving it a try.

When my wee one started primary and was making friends she made a card/picture for a couple of them and I put a wee note in it along the lines of “hi, I’m xxx, yyy’s mum. Yyy has been telling me that she’s friends with your wee one at school and was wondering if you’d like to come for a coffee sometime so they can play? My number is 123456, thanks 😊
Doing that took me far out my comfort zone, but it did work.
Good luck

Where do you live OP? I have friends but most with no children so its hard to really relate. I totally get where your coming from.

@MenopausalMayhemMum that is a great idea! My DD mentions a few names here and there.
Her class teacher has said she plays alongside and with different ones...
My DD has always been at home with me and not been in a daycare situation prior to reception so building friendships taking her a little longer...
This is why I also want to support her as well with a play date after school or the days we are not there...

@Couldntthinkofausername24 do you arrange play dates , not sure what you mean?

I’m a bit confused here. Reception is the first year of primary school and children typically are in school from 9 to 3, Monday to Friday. Do you mean a private nursery?

I'm a big fan of peanut. You can meet individual mums or join local meet up groups for mums in your area, with and without the children.

Does the class do a coffee morning? Maybe you could start one. Time it just after drop off at a friendly local one. At my kids school there was one for most years. We met weekly at 8.30, which was early enough for those needing to get to work to drop in for a quick cup, and a number set their own schedules so could start half an hour later that day. Of course you'll find there's a core group who go almost every week and then a few who come when they can, and some who aren't interested even if they had the time.

If you have a class WhatsApp group or similar, just suggest a post drop off walk or coffee etc. Some of them are bound to come along.

Does it need to be a ‘mum friend’?

Can’t you start doing the same classes at a local gym? I’ve always found that to be a good way of making friends.

An evening language class?

A running group?

If you have a local newsletter or brochure those tend to be full of volunteering opportunities or meet ups.

Sometimes going to the coffee shop with a book and being smiley and chatty to the staff has made other people strike up conversations with me because you immediately appear open and positive.

I’m a SAHM myself and it’s really important to cultivate friendships that aren’t formed around the baby groups school gates. These friendships can be very superficial due to similar aged kids being the only glue, and when life gets busy- they aren’t always prioritised by the other parties.

Have you not met anyone at class parties? . I think in reception I would be at at least one party most weekends and the parents (mums) stayed and we got chatting . In a later year I also sent a group invite on the class WhatsApp for any parents on our group chat to come to mine after drop off and I served coffee and pastries… about 10 came although I do live very close to the school.

I'd be keen to stick with making a mum friend as I'm hoping to arrange play dates for my DD. Get to know a couple of the mums etc.
Someone without kids wouldn't interest me. Just the stage I'm at in life at the moment.

Small scale:
Note in bag. Old school but lovely! Dear Penelope’s mum. Evangeline has been talking about playing with Penelope, apparently they have great plans for the dolls to have a tea party - would Penelope like to come and play? We could have a coffee whilst they do their thing with the soft toys. Isn’t it nice that they do play together now?! If you fancy it drop me a text
on…..

Larger scale:
Birthday party for your DD and make it a
sociable one for the adults too! Drinks/adult
nibbles as well as kiddy stuff, an activity that the kids are wrapped up in so adults talk to each other. BBQ/park party might be better than e.g. soft play where others are also using the centre.

PTA/class rep type roles.

Class WhatsApp group questions - “it’s just me and DD, struggling a bit to find things to do with this awful weather. Does anyone have any local favourite places?”

I'm in same position as you although my DH has passed. What part of the country are you in? I'm in North Yorkshire

@SchoolTripDrama how old are your DC?
I'm in Kent.

I think I'm going to have to take my DD lead on who she would like a play date with.
I don't want to force her. Her teacher said she can be confident in herself but can also be very quiet. Especially in large groups.