Should I stay home?!....

[Whattodowhattodowhattodoooo]

Ok, I'll try to keep this simple and short.
I have 3 kids. 2 at school and one baby.
I went back to work a year ago. I've asked for more flexibility which was refused. I have a good job on paper but it is stressful (NHS)
Husband has a good, but poorly paid, public sector job. He's looking for a better paid role, he is on his way to a fairly well paid but he needs to complete his phd.

I feel like I'm permanently split in about a million ways, very much understand this is the norm and would probably persevere with career/ mumming /juggling but I'm finding my middle child's behaviour is becoming more and more challenging. Not sure if it's ADHD which runs in the family and she is far too young for diagnosis/ medication imho....and not sure I would seek this out anyway. I mention this because, my stressful job means my resilience is low furthermore I'm up feeding the youngest sometimes several times a night, making it much harder to cope with my child's aggressive emotional behaviour.

I can start building up a business but I have no time atmo to commit to this because of my job.

I'm aware there are zilch benefits for people like us. Just wondering who other SAHM mums have made this work and what was the deal breaker for you?

Thanks x

@Mischance thanks for this, great to hear something positive from someone who actually did it. Do you return to work before you realised it wasn't going to work out?

I guess it's different for everyone but because I have a slightly older son, who was an only child for a number of years, I guess I have that to compare with. We both worked but he was settled, secure and loved school. It wasn't easy, our existence was fairly hand to mouth! But we had the energy to be fully present when he wasn't at school. Now we have the 3 kids it's like, woah, no one's needs are getting met! That's not how I want it to be!

I don't plan on being a sahm forever, but never say never, I reckon 2 years or so and then back to part time.

I left work we have 4.. 3 are under 2 and I love it I know I will never get these years back. Hubby and me discussed it before I left work and made a few cut backs, nothing to major and I just couldn't give my kids to a nursery/child minder going to school will be bad enough when it comes around. Hubby gets 3 days off a week and we love love our family time and the kids are currently thriving off it

Thanks @LadyJ2023 can I ask did you work at all with any of your kids? So you have your current situation to compare too? I only ask because it's not like I think being a sahm is the easy option, I had them all at home for most of lockdown and stayed at home with the youngest for 20 months so I've certainly had tastes of sah'mothering.

Honestly op. If you're husband isn't on board then I think it's really unfair to put the entire financial burden on him so you can stay at home. I know I wouldn't have been on board with it if my husband had decided he wanted to stay at home.
I think given you'd have to wipe out your savings , I think you need to look at other options than simply give up work.

Why is this not his problem??

But how on earth can you afford to not work?

You sound so stressed, and I really feel for you. But based on what you've said (tricky finances, husband not on board especially) it looks like a difficult decision either way.

@Crazycrazylady hmmm, I don't know, he's been retraining for some time and I have nursed and cared for our kids, and work, so he can do this.

I actually talked to him and he's much more receptive than I thought. Using savings would be no money for, things I'd call luxury items, like a new kitchen.

I have been happy as a SAHM (kids are teenagers now) but if I had been so financially stretched as to make it difficult I think I would have been stressed in another way so it wouldn't have exactly made me happy. Could you go part time?