Splitting the household chores

[KennedyD22]

Ok, I know this is discussed SO much and we all love to have a little rant/moan about how hard done by we are...

SO! Just having a rant moment & want opinions whether it's to knock me down a few or to hype me up

I'm at SAHM to two - 26 months & 8 months. It's HARD. My eldest goes to nursery 2 days a week & my partner works 5 days running his own business - he's mostly home by 5. I work with him 1 day a week and my mum watches our babies for the day.

I feel like I do everything at home and feel so resentful to my partner for it. I've been through the whole writing down every job and listing who does it now, suggesting how we can change it so I am less overwhelmed but things seem to have gone back 10 steps again.

I do all the usual things all us mums do - all deep cleaning, all managing of the house including food shop, nursery run, most the cooking, the million loads of laundry a week.

Our main issue is the chores after dinner and days off. I can't deep clean during the week as sometimes the babies alternate naps so I'm constantly attending to them. I do minor bits but I can't bleach the bathroom etc. i save these for the days off but AIBU to expect help for these chores?!

The big thing atm is the cleaning after dinner. My partner doesn't think it's fair for him to do 50/50 of the washing up & cleaning down kitchen after dinner. He says because he works all day I should do the majority - but I feel like it should be split equal as we're both home.

Sometimes I act the martyr and just get on with it, and he's sat relaxing on the sofa on his phone and it fills me with rage.

I'm feeling fed up of taking on the default role at home whilst I'm ALSO helping him better his career by helping out with his business 1 day a week. We aren't married & although I want to be, he doesn't like the idea. And then he wonders why I'm pissed off to help him run his business (for free) without any promise of this being for my future too. I feel like I'm sacrificing everything right now for no real appreciation. I don't expect him to pay me as we live together, but id at least expect to be secure in our relationship.

Thanks if you got this far...

Sorry I should add - with parenting he is brilliant and does his fair share. We alternate night feeds & he will look after them whenever I need a break. Although I feel like I have to use this 'break' to clean because things need to get done...

You are crazy to risk everything for him when you are not even married . I bet you don't own of his business do you?

And what about your home - who owns that?

You need to find child care for your kids and get back to work full time ( not work for him). Make sure he pays his share of the childcare ( that means in proportion to each of your incomes ). Or pay from your jointly account where you pay all other bills. And he needs to do half the housework / parenting as well.

He’s taking you for a mug here.

He's mugging you off big time.

I dont think that you should be splitting the household chores much if you only work 1 day a week. I was a SAHM for years and i did everything around the house. But that was the deal...he worked and i did the childcare/housework. As ive gone back to work PT as mt kids are older, my husband has started helping out more around the house, but again not 50/50.

HOWEVER, i did all that because we were married. If he hadnt married me then id have broken up with him and would have had to have worked. I certainly wouldnt be putting myself at a disadvantage for a man who woukdnt marry me.

@J0CASTA

I left out something big - I'm currently a student nurse and will be doing placements from January so working is not an option for me. Our income is primarily mine from student loans, grants & NHS bursary as his business is new and not generating profit yet.

@Dacadactyl

I think it's where a lot of the resentment lies as if he could give me the security of marriage, I'd be happy to take on this default role for now, as I'd know this is our future together. But doing everything now, I can't stop the thoughts of 'ok we could break up in the next 5 years and I've done all this for what?'

I've stayed that if he won't marry me, I will have to find my future elsewhere. Not an ultimatum as such...more a this is what I want in life

1. I would stop working for a business you have no stake in and frankly you are already subsidising by form of loans.

1. Your job is looking after the babies. If he can't be bothered to help take care of himself (cooking, laundry etc) then don't bother doing it for him. You should have equal downtime whether the rest of your time is occupied by paid work or not.