I resent my husband

[Spooked102]

What the title says, I’ve noticed the last few months I’ve started to resent my husband. We had a great relationship and since around a few months ago I’ve started to feel anger and irritable towards him. I don’t understand why though as he’s so supportive, a great dad and does a lot to help me. If I need time to go have a lie down or some me time he has our child. Lo is nearly 2 & I find in so exhausted keeping up with her all the time. I’m a sahm by choice and fortunate enough to have that option. My husband works hard and long hours but I just feel like his life hasn’t changed as much as mine. I’m also the default parent, so no matter how much he helps and does it’s still me that has to always be switched on, always thinking of what to cook, about the washing cleaning & planning days out, keeping on top of everything household wise. I just feel so overwhelmed some days and can’t wait to go to bed, as soon as he comes to be he wants some time for us and I just don’t like to be touched, I feel so angry when he tries to touch me as I just want time on my own after being stuck to a toddler all day. I know that sounds so horrible of me but I can’t help it, I’ve only actually started to feel like this the last few months and I don’t know why.

Do you think being a SAHM isn't for you? And you need to build more of a life outside of that?

Yeah, being a SAHM isn't working out for you OP. You need something outside it. I'd personally go back to work.

Is it really fortunate to be a SAHM if you don't actually enjoy doing it?

It's not for everyone. I couldn't do it or wouldn't want to, whether we could afford it or not. Could you go back to work part-time or something? Get a bit more balance and something that's just for you?

I loved being a SAHM but I can remember going through a phase of feeling like this. I think it's the relentlessness of it all.

Going back to work might be an option but perhaps you should take a step back and reframe all of this to help you with your feelings towards your husband. Whilst it sounds like you feel a bit confined, presumably you chose to be a SAHM and it wasn't your DH's decision? And his life will have changed; there's the weight of being the sole earner, presumably he doesn't just come home from work and sit on the sofa all night and all weekend and because you are exhausted physically and emotionally, you are less physically and emotionally available to him which will affect him. That's absolutely not a criticism of you, that's just how things are but if you can stop comparing yourself to him you will feel better. Ask yourself honestly if he is doing less than his fair share and if he is then talk to him and tell him what you need him to do. Then think about something you can do out of the house for you. Something you can lose yourself in, something creative or something that will give you a sense of achievement and progress and a bit more balance in your life.

And remember, this too shall pass.

It’s not really an option at the moment as we wouldn’t have anyone to have our lo due to my husbands work hours, plus I think I’d just be more overwhelmed & tired, I think I need a hobby outside of being a mom I just don’t know why I resent my hubby so much at the moment & I’m worried the lack of sex/me being angry at him will lead to us splitting

@TwigTheWonderKid yes twig! The relentlessness of it all I find it so overwhelming

Hi I have felt like this in the past OP so sending you big hugs! When Ive had the kids all day any sexual advances from my husband just feel like another demand on me when I want to be left alone. Thank fully I have found this is temporary and resolves when I get more time off. I would suggest that you need more of a break and time for you. Can you ask ur hisband ti look after LO so you can meet a friend for a coffee or go to the gym/cinema or shopping. Motherhood is bloody relentless! X

This is exactly me. We plan to put our child in nursery not long after they turn 2, and that will give me some time to myself and hopefully I'll feel more relaxed and recharged and less resentful etc

Go back to work, it never gets better.

You become the default parent to your child and your partner and expected to balance all the plates all the time.

I felt like this about my DH, and still do sometimes, my kids are a bit older. I've thought about it loads, whether it's depression, or just life being life-y.

For me the fact it started after a bereavement was telling, i lost someone who i felt really understood me. But I think it could also be to do with having less power, having to perform a role, your DH not "seing" you, having some emotional needs not met.

I hardly dare to talk about it with anyone, and have disliked myself for feeling this way. But I am learning to treat myself more sympathetically. Personally I think its sortable by taking care of your mh, (for me meditation helps) trying to talk to DH about how you feel, without blaming him.
I didnt mean to answer all about me but I can't give advice just sympathy and empathy. Good luck 💐

I don't think a hobby will cut it OP.
Did you work prior to having a child?
If you went to work, let's say part time a nursery would have your child. So the child care excuse doesn't really stand.
Would you be more tired? From experience, no. The thought of going back to work is much worse than the reality. You will be challenged, but, assuming you like your work, in a way that brings variety to your week and would instantly reduce the resentment you feel to your DH.
Really, really consider it...I've seen this happen to friends and they all were much more balanced in outlook once they took back an element of paid work into their lives.