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I'm a mess

10 replies

babysfirstchristmas · 25/12/2021 19:35

I am not sure why I am posting or what I am hoping to get from this but here it goes.

I am 9 weeks post partum and I just feel so crap. I’ve put on so much weight over pregnancy and even since giving birth as have been breast feeding and am just so hungry all the time. I had hoped to lose weight but it just hasn’t happened. Some of our family took pics of me, my fiancé and our daughter in front of the tree today and I looked terrible, even when I had made the effort. It sounds absolutely pathetic but it’s ruined my day. And then I feel like a bad mum cause I think why can’t I just suck it up and try to enjoy Xmas for my daughter.

My partner bought me a coat for Xmas, it’s quite a daring style, I pretty much started crying when I tried it on as I looked so terrible. Then I felt guilty for being such an ungrateful person and if I think I am being a bad mother, I think I am being a bad fiancé/wife x10. I am so emotional, moody, and difficult. I can’t imagine how miserable I am to be around. My partner is not the most emotional of people and is very strong, he says everything’s ok and says he knows it’s cause of lack of sleep and hormones. But I don’t know if I believe him.

After 9 weeks everything is getting on top of me now. I do all the nights as breast feeding, she does take a bottle from me or her Dad. He’s doing a bit more over the Xmas break but normally he works from very early to very late as has his own business which is very demanding, sometimes in London, sometimes from home but on calls back to back all day. He pays all the bills including mortgage, car, food, and sorts out everything in terms of admin, plus cooks the evening meal most days / roast on Sunday. He’s made it clear that looking after the baby is my job during the week, and he’ll do as much as he can when he can. But it’s so hard. I do get a bit of help from a local lady a couple of times a week for a couple of hours when he’s in London, but often it might be me holding the baby for 12 hours straight. She doesn’t sleep during the day apart from on me. She’ll go down the cot for a couple of hours and the rest of the time she’ll be sharing the bed with me doing cuddle curl, which really hurts my back.

I’m physically broken, I have quite bad piles, a bad knee, just recovering from a month long chest infection that would not shift, have a rash over my back, and feel like I have another virus coming on now. And am really fat and have terrible stretch marks. Mentally I think I am just not fun to be with, and am quite sad from losing a good friend of mine to suicide recently. I have quite a lot of trauma around my own family and lots of stuff with a new baby is a bit triggering. This Christmas we have my fiancées family to stay, and it’s just quite full on, they wanted to go out for a Xmas walk today (in the rain) and I wasn’t feeling it cause baby was hungry, I felt ill, had no sleep and it’s hard enough leaving the house, it’s only worth it for something good. Anyway I managed to drag myself out with them but prob ruined it by being grumpy.

I really wanted baby’s first Xmas to be good but I think I’ve ruined it.

OP posts:
catchingzzzeds · 25/12/2021 20:06

You haven't ruined anything. Caring for such a young baby is HARD, cut yourself some slack Thanks
I was exactly the same as you describe and I was later diagnosed with PND so it might be worth speaking to someone as soon as you can. I left it far too long.
It took 9 months for your body to produce an actual human, I think it takes at least that to recover mentally and physically.
Be kind to yourself always.

LincolnshireLassInLondon · 25/12/2021 20:25

You definitely haven't ruined anything, OP!

Try to be gentle with yourself. 9 weeks is so soon after giving birth. You're exhausted. You've been through a massive physical ordeal growing and giving birth to a baby. After any equivalent physical ordeal, like an accident or illness, you'd be putting your feet up and resting for a couple of weeks but with a newborn that doesn't happen. It therefore takes extra time to heal, but you will.

Christmas is also a very loaded time of year where there's lots of pressure for things to be perfect. Your baby's perfect day will be the day they have every day (being held by mum for 12 hours sounds pretty ideal for a nine week old)! Nothing is ruined.

If you can, try to do something nice for yourself this evening. Even if that's just a shower or reading a magazine or your favourite chocolate.

Take good care Thanks

nzeire · 25/12/2021 20:34

Oh honey!!!! 9 weeks! You are TIRED! And you have guests? You poor thing.
Lower your expectations of everyone, including yourself. Look after your baby. Look after you.
2022 will be your year… start walking, I used to go for miles, great physically, but most importantly my head.
Also check in with the gp, it could be a little more than hormones. No shame in the happy pills to give you some balance :)
Merry Christmas. Go hug your fiancé and buns xxxxx

nzeire · 25/12/2021 20:34

You could hug your buns, however, I meant bubs!

Thurlow · 25/12/2021 20:34

Be kind to yourself. You're in the trenches at the moment and it's unimaginably fucking difficult.

I would recommend talking to your GP as there is a high chance you have PND. It's common and quite normal with all the hormones and stress, and you may find medication will help. It can be a medium term fix to help put you in a calmer, more positive frame of mind to start making changes that will help in the long term.

Talk to people. They want to help. This is normal, and it will pass, just might just need a little helping hand to start the process off.

KILNAMATRA · 25/12/2021 21:15

Your a lovely mom and your baby is lucky to have you.. I hope your partners family did the cooking and helped.. no one is up to much at 9 weeks.. also are weight, well 9 months up, 9 months down? If you don’t feel better go tell the GP AND get someone to take the baby in the pram in the afternoon and just go to sleep..

fancydressinggown · 25/12/2021 21:36

Just wanted to send you a virtual handhold. I am 6 weeks post partum from having twins and my body feels like someone else's!
Today I very nearly wet myself when leaving it far too late to go up the stairs to visit the bathroom.
Clothes that fit just don't look like they used to... exhaustion doesn't help either as every thing feels intensified and the only appealing food is sugar/carbs/quick snacks which don't help the issue.
I'm hoping in the new year I'll have a little more motivation to take care of myself, it is hard when you have another human(s) depending on you for their every need- be kind to yourself.

Luckystar1 · 25/12/2021 21:37

OP I know it’s easy for me to say, but please, please be kinder to yourself! You had a baby, a mere 9 weeks ago.

I have 3 children, and I truly lost myself after the first and second for months and months. You are still in there, believe me, you will come back out, but right now, it’s just a little way away.

You are all your baby knows right now, and the baby adores you for being exactly what you are. Well done for being her perfect mother!

Christmas is a funny old time. I cried and cried on my oldest’s first Christmas, as it was such a big deal. It wasn’t. It really is just a day.

Well done for reaching out and expressing your thoughts.

babysfirstchristmas · 26/12/2021 10:56

Thank you all so much, your responses have really helped me.

I am going to stay in bed today and try to sleep as much as I can. I'm ill and exhausted and don't want to talk to anyone. DH's fam are here until tomorrow so there's lots of people who can hold her. I am sure it's a bit rude but I just need some alone time actually alone or just baby and me.

Hope everyone is having a good Boxing Day! X

OP posts:
catchingzzzeds · 26/12/2021 20:49

I'm glad you're looking after yourself, it's really important that you do

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