Loneliness as a SAHP

[3rdtimemummy2845]

Not sure where to start with this and actually feel kind of guilty about it if I'm honest.

I've been a mum for 11 years, I have 3 children from 9m to 11. I've never known adulthood without a child as I had my eldest just after I was 17. I've also had alot of battles over those years, I have a genetic illness which has stopped me being able to work, I was in a very toxic and abusive relationship for 9 of those years to my 2 older children's dad, where I lost friendships & my mental health took a dip massively (I was diagnosed with depression at 14 & at 22 BPD) not only because of that but other issues within my family that I found very hard to accept and deal with. Fast forward, I've been in a new relationship for over 2 years, we have a baby together, my DP is honestly amazing, he is the nicest person you'll ever meet. We've known each other around 15 years. I have 3 amazing children who I would go to the end of the earth for, yet I feel so alone. I have tried so many times to make friends but as an adult I feel like it isn't easy, I hardly interact with any adults, my partner is probably the only adult I talk to daily. To the point I actually dread now talking to people face to face as I start tripping over my words. I feel like I have really lost my identity & don't know who I am anymore. Its just really starting to bring me down and as much as my partner is there for me as much as he can be, it is something he doesn't understand so he never knows what to say other than to just be the shoulder. I don't even know what to say to me lol. I have lost the desire to do anything, I have no hobbies, nothing I can enjoy. I'm just waiting to get through the day. I put on the best act I can for my children's sake, but everyday is hard. I am not sure what I am looking for with this post, maybe a rant and to just get it off my chest?

That sounds really hard.

I would try to make the most of the interactions you can have with your youngest. Are there any weekly baby groups you can go to? I think it's easier to make friends at an activity that isn't just for making friends as it takes the pressure off. Also if it's a regular class you can be around people for a couple of weeks before you attempt to start conversation with them which may make it easier for you.

Can you also do some sort of class or activity in the evening on your own. Again same concept something that you have enjoyment out of even if you don't make friends through it. Yoga? Spin class? Aerobics? The endorphins might help too.

I feel you. I adore my partner and we're best friends. I have two children, 12 & 14 and have made and lost so many mum friends along the way.
Depending on your fitness level and interests, I'd strongly suggest attending a martial arts class if possible. I've found the general personalities of other mums in my area are all the same... Boring... Bitchy...cliché and in cliqués... But through martial arts, I found people more like me, from further afield. People who like to have fun and can laugh at ourselves, dignity is over rated!

I know you have no desire to do anything... But you've reached out here. So maybe this is your first step. Who are you?? 🤣 What makes you happy?? Sorry for the forwardness.... I do think you need to have a moment to write down or think about something, anything you can do, for your own well being and for your family.
I'm a stahm and when my partner asks me about my day, I resent saying 'meh, same as usual' as I believe they need some stimulation from you aswell as vice versa. I honestly think there should be a Tinder style app (or app in general as I've no idea about anything to do with Tinder🤣) for people to meet other people as friends! I get on better with gamers worldwide than I do with people in my own town 🙈 hey! If you're into gaming, that's great for online socialising! But I've only just joined here because... Ugh. Lonely STAHM seeks similar people to talk carefree shit with, knowing there is no malice or judgement in casual banter ☺️ but seriously, I can relate with alot of what you said. You just need to find yourself and things will happen naturally. Eventually. Probably. 😊

OK you need to make a change. Let this be the first step. You are young, but life goes very quickly and you get only one shot at it. What do want to achieve in your life? What would make you happy?