Feeling isolated.. anyone else?

4 replies

kickingmyself123 · 23/08/2021 12:57

I was a SAHM until DS was about 18 months and it never bothered me. I got a part time job and enjoyed it (it was only about 8-16 hours a week) I enjoyed meeting people again. I lost the job due to COVID and I'm now pregnant.
I feel like I've got nothing to live for. Everyone else seems to have their lives and jobs to get on with and I'm in the same 4 walls day in day out, feel like I never have anything to say and just feel like I'm pointless really. Also hate having to ask DP for money for things for myself like clothes or getting my hair done.
It wouldn't be too bad if I wasn't pregnant as DS starts school soon so I could've looked for a job within school hours, but the only person who can look after DC is my dad who is 70 and still working and I don't feel it's fair to expect him to look after a newborn (he loves DS now he's older but he's not great with babies) I know we could get childcare but I don't like the thought of her going into it really young.. not before 9-12 months anyway.
I feel so jealous of my friends who are working. They all have bigger houses or brand new kitchens and sometimes I think that's my fault we don't have these things as I don't work.
Anyone else feel this way?

OP posts:

daisiesandpeonies · 30/08/2021 11:34

Definitely could have written this myself. I often think that other than having our beautiful daughter I've achieved nothing, I have barely any of my own savings which is easily exceeded by my student debt, can buy nothing of my own etc. My house rarely looks perfect and I find it difficult to stay on top of everything which makes me feel even more useless. If I was earning the same as my husband (we have identical qualifications) then we would be living very stylishly. Feel like I'm letting him down. Really wish I'd made different career choices in my early 20s (headed to the City instead of public sector) so it would be worth my working.

mummytotwoboys0600 · 05/09/2021 06:03

I very much understand how you are feeling. I have a 6 year old and a 9 month old. I am currently on maternity leave so I will return to work but sometimes I wish I was going back early. I'm so so bored. Hanging out with a baby really is boring. I know I've got lots to do and so much housework but the more it piles up the more it annoys me and I just don't do it. I've loved the school holidays as I've had my 6 year old for company.
When your baby is 9 months go get a job even if it's just two days a week and covers the cost of childcare. It's worth it just to feel "you" again and not just a mummy.
Good luck x

tigerbreadandtea · 05/09/2021 06:10

Why are you having to ask for money?

Ginandplatonic · 05/09/2021 06:13

I was a SAHP for many years with 4 kids and as I see it you have two problems.

The first is your financial arrangements - you shouldn’t need to ask for money. You are contributing to the family just as much as he is and should have equal access to money. How you arrange this is up to you. We have a joint account which all incoming money goes into and which we can both access for whatever we want. We have similar attitudes to spending so this works for us.

Secondly I found I needed to get out of the house every day for my sanity. Even if it was just for a walk or to feed the ducks etc. I also kept trying different baby/toddler groups until I found one with people I clicked with and ended up with an informal “mother’s” group with other people from that.

But being a SAHP isn’t for everyone. If you don’t enjoy it there’s nothing wrong with putting your children in childcare and going to work.

Flip