A very good friend of mine is not in a good way at the moment and I’m not sure what to do. She and her husband and child of age 2.5 years have moved very far away from all of my friend’s support network and family, so I can’t just go over and check on her. Last time she phoned me she said she’d been “let out for 20 minutes” while her husband looked after their child. I queried this as the language sounded negative and she told me he barely looks after the child at all, maybe once a week for a few minutes, and he doesn’t know how to deal with the child when they have a tantrum so my friend always has to be around to do this. Apparently the reason why the husband can’t look after the child is his working pattern, but as far as I can see he works from home on his laptop so why can’t he prioritise some time? I have known him well for a few years but not as long as I’ve known my friend, he used to seem nice but I don’t understand why he’s making my friend feel like she’s doing all of the childcare? He’s refused to let the child go to nursery because last time the child cried. Whenever I speak to my friend she never mentions doing anything for herself and it’s always the child... I’m sure this isn’t normal or healthy. She’s got no interests or hobbies anymore and no friends or family where they live now. Also she is not wanting the child to have their own bedroom yet even though they have the space at home. I’ve tried to hint maybe now is the right time, but maybe that’s being too meddling. I don’t have children myself (I’m pregnant) but I’m planning to go back to work when my child child is 1 and my partner has promised me he will share childcare with me so I can work, so I expect that of other people’s relationships too and it’s making me worried that my friend doesn’t have independence in the way I would expect.
What would you do to support someone like my friend?