Feeling like my life has no purpose..

[lostandconfused88]

I've been a SAHP since my son who is 4 was born. Before than I was a full time dental nurse.
I'm currently pregnant and have been really unwell so I don't know if it's that talking but I just feel like everyone else's life has some routine and purpose other than mine. I am so bored and frustrated with being home all the time and never seeing anyone. My best friend worked with me when I was nursing and she's now a manager, (no children) buying a lovely house with her partner. My house is ok but we are going to be tight for room when this baby is born - and I just feel if I could contribute like she does we would be so much better off. DP earns £60k so we're ok.. but I don't know. I just feel like a waste of space. And any chance of getting back on the career ladder is delayed now for at least a year or more. I have a part time job in a farm shop but I'm furloughed from that. I just feel like I'm not living a life- I'm just existing and it's bloody miserable. Anyone else ever felt this way?

You’re doing a worthwhile job raising hour kids. Was your financial situation not apparent when you fell pregnant both times, was it not a proactive decision you made to have babies and stay at home?

Is this maybe driven by envy over your friend and boredom due to lock down?

Absolutely! It is hard to adjust. I guess for me it took longer to build up - I was 20 when I had my eldest, having cancelled my place at uni, so it’s not like I had a career or anything. I worked for a while when my big two were young and then had to stop due to health.

It can feel thankless being at home and TBH I think it is even worse now with lockdowns. Life is so bloody small right now and we’ve all been through so much uncertainty.

Are there any courses you could do? There’s free stuff like FutureLearn but I don’t find them so great as I prefer stuff with feedback from a tutor, but I think of them as free access to interesting information. However in lockdown my local adult education service was offering some free courses - I did counselling skills and one about children’s mental health. Low level but a nationally recognised certificate, it might not be enough alone to walk into a job but it would show you’ve worked on your knowledge etc.

Or volunteering maybe? There may be more opportunity to do stuff from home now. I’m about to start training for a mentoring thing, there are a lot of things like peer support that might fit around your DP’s work hours too. It would be good when you’re ready to work again but also it just feels like contributing - I know that feeling isn’t just about the money at all. 💐

I think that lockdown, the isolation that brings, is having a negative effect on all our moods. I'm sure you will feel better once you can get out and mix with people.

Is your 4 year old at school yet?

I had DS1 at 19 so never worked...my DS was born sick so i started getting carer's allowance when he was 3 months old, then had another DS 4 years later. i have been SAHM/carer for almost 9 years....but there was a point when DS1 had just started school i put DS2 age 1 in a childminder's and started looking for a job. Honestly thought i had my dream life mapped out.

Then i got Cancer and was seriously ill for 2 years and now i am not the same, neither are my boys. TBH while DS1 and 2 are at school i do just exist now, its depressing. DS1's issues are no longer medical, but he does now have serious psychological issues and theres no chance of a childcare facility taking him after school, it would be a nightmare for him and them. I was volunteering for Cancer research before COVID but they couldnt have me working in their shops anymore because they knew i would be at risk of COVID.

Honestly if you have healthy kids, youre healthy, everything is normal...then once baby is 6 months or so then whats the harm in you putting DS1 in after school club and you go back to doing the job you love? if my son would go into childcare i would be going straight for the 9-5 jobs. You never know whats going to happen in life, if you are healthy after having baby, live the life you want and make the most of it...being a SAHP isnt for everyone.

But for now.....you are making a human, while keeping another human alive...that is bloody hard work, the hardest work anyone can do is pregnancy and birth...you are not just existing! Enjoy those newborn cuddles